


Before Your Judgment

by lionoftarth



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Angst and Humor, Canon-Typical Violence, Conversations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2017-12-21 02:26:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 77,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/894710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionoftarth/pseuds/lionoftarth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Directly after ADWD. Mostly j/b and canon compliant, except if I forgot things. Brienne and Jaime point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Names

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this mainly for myself because its killing me. Some of the emphasis fails are not my fault. For some reason they won't show up. Obviously this is my take on the characters. I don't own anything. Thanks for looking at it.

They had set out from the camp at dawn after getting what little sleep they could. Brienne had wanted to ride straight away, but Jaime would not have it. They had been riding for a few hours when he started to wonder if Brienne’s silence was something other than companionable. She had never been the most talkative of comrades, but as he watched her, he noticed a new tension in her shoulders. She did not have the youthful, if unattractive, look that he remembered.

“Are you sure you are alright, my lady?” He could not help but ask again.

She nodded stiffly and pushed ahead of him, leaving him to examine her back.

Jaime sighed heavily. He seemed doomed for another journey filled with Brienne’s sullen silences. Perhaps the wench was angry with him for something that he'd forgotten. They had fought when last they spoke, but had left it on good terms. And if anything, he had been the wounded party of that discussion. He seemed to be the wounded party of many discussions lately.

He watched Brienne ride on ahead of him. He had given her a quest that every hedge knight in Westeros would sell their mother to complete, and Brienne had done it, keeping her word to Lady Catlyn and restoring what she could of his honor. While he had lost his place among the knightly songs, she was fast becoming the stuff of legend. Not that anyone would write songs about a heroic, ugly wench. In her lyrics, she would be a maiden, beautiful as Cersei. _But not half so conniving, _he thought rather bitterly.__

“My lady, perhaps we should pause and consider a plan,” he suggested.

“No. We must hurry. It may be too late already.” She urged her horse to a quicker pace.

“Don't concern yourself. I still have the ability to talk and ride at the same time. Where is he holding her? Does it allow for an ambush?”

“There…there are caves.”

He nodded. “Frontal assault it is, then. My favorite kind." No doubt she did not approve of the sentiment. She didn't approve of so many things that Jaime doubted even she could keep track of the list. "Who would have thought that Sansa Stark would end up in the hands of the Hound?” he ventured.

Brienne didn’t respond.

“Was it the Hound that bit you? I would not have thought it of him.”

“Biter,” she corrected.

“How fitting. I hope you paid him for his kindness.”

“Yes.” She affirmed emotionlessly.

Her tone was worrying. “Good. That saves me the trouble of killing him later.” He considered telling her about Red Ronnet just to get a response, but he decided against it. No doubt, she would not appreciate the gesture. He let the silence lengthen until it irritated him. “Have you heard news of Kings Landing in your travels?”

She nodded. The way she hunched over her horse made her look like an absurdly large beetle.

“Then you know my lord father is dead. That should please you wench, for he was not a kindly man. You might have heard that the Imp escaped as well? To hear of one is to hear of the other.”

He might as well have been talking to a stonewall.

“Do you wish to know the brunt of that jape? It's a good one, though I doubt _you'll _laugh." Even insults brought him nothing. He knew he should stop speaking, but a strange urge drove him forward. "I was the one who set him free." The images of that night flashed through his mind. "I could not watch him die, even after the gods had spoken against him, so they took my father instead. I doubt the infamous Lord Tywin would have considered it a fair trade, though he did seem to find the humor of it in the end.”__

Silence.

“You’re the only person I’ve told. Well, the second in truth, if you count my brother as a whole man. Perhaps the first and a half.”

“I’m sorry, ser.”

Jaime ground his teeth. The woman could not have given terser answers if her maidenhead depended on it. He gave up on conversation for a while and wallowed in his misery instead. _The Lannisters _, he thought, _the name is laughable now _. His father had left his precious legacy in the hands of a cripple, an imp, and a whore. Thinking of Tywin’s ghastly smile, Jaime shuddered.____

They rode in silence until Jamie’s thoughts were like to drive him mad. He used to think of his family or of the task at hand in his travels. Now, his family was no comfort and Brienne was less than forthcoming.

“What does the Hound want with me? I assume I was his demand or you would dispatch of him yourself.”

He took pleasure in the start Brienne gave at the sound. “I do not know,” she said after a moment. Jaime felt that there was something wrong in her voice.

“How did you come upon him?” He pushed his horse forward, tired of having a conversation with her hulking back.

The wench eyed her saddle carefully. “I…I was…There was a rumor.” Clearly she did not wish to be questioned. She looked so much worse than he remembered. Half her face was covered in a bandage, and her strength was gone. One of her arms was in a sling.

“Maybe we should rest, my lady. An old man such as myself needs many rests. Especially a crippled one.” He spied an area out of way, and turned Honor toward it.

Brienne followed him hesitantly. “We should ride on.”

“But I insist.” He reigned in his horse and slid off the animal's back with a thud. She looked uncertainly at the road. He walked over to her horse and grabbed her reigns. “Brienne, take a rest and let me look at this wound of yours. You look rather worse than usual, my lady, and I would hate for you to fall from your house. The Hound is a single-minded man. He will not kill Lady Sansa for an hours rest.” He looked upon her face, but she turned away to dismount.

Brienne came down to join Jaime on the ground. She had never been comfortable with attention before, but the bite seemed to have taken away all her tolerance of it. He stared at her eyes as she stared at the dirt. Jaime remembered her eyes as glistening sapphires that were impressive to behold, in truth. Now, they too seemed dull. What had she endured in her search?

“I should…” she squirmed, but there was nothing to do. He realized that she had not looked at him once during their journey. Whatever happened to her was his doing. He should have sent her straight home to her father.

“Brienne,” he said as she turned away. Before she could escape, he grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. There were tears forming in her eyes. “What has happened?” he asked.

  


She had been a slow child, her septa had always said, and Brienne believed her. Every time her tongue stumbled or she could not think of anything to say, it only confirmed what she already knew. She had had a day to come up with a story that would satisfy Jaime, and had been unable or unwilling to think of one.

Brienne was terrible at lying. Almost immediately, Jamie had known that something was wrong. He did not torment her about her ugliness or her stupidity. He had not even called her wench, which she had never thought to miss. His concern was so overwhelming to her that she found herself unable to look at him.

_I am betraying him _. She was not worthy of her sword or his shield. When she thought back to the amount of times she had called him an oathbreaker, she was not sure if she wanted to laugh or cry. How often had she judged Jaime Lannister in their time together? As a child on Tarth? He had been kind to her in his way. Other men pretended to be kind and whispered insults behind her back. She owed Jaime her life. What did she owe the others?__

But she could not let them die. Brienne knew there was a solution if her slow wits had enough time to find it. There had to be a way to save everyone. She pictured Pod hanging from a tree.

What if Jaime found her out? Would he kill her on the spot? She would not blame him if he did. He had trusted a stupid, ugly wench, and this was what he got in return. In a way, death would be a relief. He might have helped her if she’d asked, but she couldn’t take that chance. She was responsible for Pod and for Hyle Hunt. Neither of them would be in peril if she had not come blundering into their lives, playing at being a knight.

“What has happened?” Jaime had asked knowingly. When he forced her to look at him, her situation had become suddenly real. This majestic man was going to his death. Her eyes grew wet. Recalling Biter and Shagwell, she opened her mouth to speak and let out a horrendous noise that made her cheeks flame. _I failed _, she wanted to say, _I have failed you and Lady Catlyn, just like I failed King Renly _. ______

Jaime took his hand from her chin and was uncharacteristically silent while she collected herself. As she covered her face, he placed his remaining hand on her shoulder. It was a comfort that she did not deserve. “It is not your fault, Brienne.” Upon removing his hand, he returned to his cavalier manner. “I never thought I would see you do anything so womanly as weep.”

But she had seen many men cry. Her father had cried when her mother died, and Jaime had cried when he lost his hand. It seemed a natural thing but for when a woman did it. Then it was womanly. She remembered when she had fantasized about weeping on Jaime’s shoulder. “I apologize, ser. It will not happen again.”

“You must tell me what happened in your travels to cause such a thing.” There was an edge in his voice that could have been concern or suspicion. “You…” it was so unlike Jaime to hesitate that Brienne made the mistake of looking at him again. He looked in better shape than she had ever seen him. He was thin, but no longer haggard, and his golden hair was growing back. “You are still a maiden, I hope?”

She almost smiled. At her nod, the tension fled from him, and his smile was so genuine that it seemed out of place on the face of Jaime Lannister. “Let me have a look at your cheek, wench. Sometime _before _nightfall would be best. A small rest will not hurt us, but the hound it not a patient man. ” Suddenly, she could not look away from him. She felt that if he left her sight he would die on the spot, and she could not bear it. His green eyes, and windblown hair. The graceful manner in which he moved, betraying the expert swordsman that he had been. His missing hand that might have been attached had she trusted him with a blade long ago. If she had trusted him…It had been unthinkable at the time to trust the Kingslayer. Yet, she had not thought of him as the Kingslayer since her misconception in Kingslading, and she had chosen not to trust him once again.__

Brienne tried desperately to call Pod to her mind, but it was not enough. In the time it took her to process her decision, he had moved closer. “I…I have something to confess,” she muttered. She swatted his hand away from her bandage. He raised his brow at her. “You will mislike it.”

“Then perhaps it should wait until we rescue the girl. For I admit that I have had my fill of confessions recently.”

“Jaime, I…”

“Brienne,” he said forcefully. “I do not give a damn what you have to confess. Mayhap you killed an innocent or said disloyal words, but I do not care to hear about it.”

“I did not find Sansa Stark.”

Jaime clenched his jaw and stepped away from her. His gaze was so hard that she flinched from it.

“I…I was searching for her and my companions and I stopped at an inn with…Well, there were children and Biter and Rorge. I fought them and a killed Rorge, but Biter was too much. A young smith saved me, but I was dying of fever. We were taken by Lady Stoneheart. She has my companions held hostage and would have hung the three of us. She asked me to kill you.”

“And you agreed?” he demanded.

“No! But I could not watch the boy die so I…yes.”

“Then do it, wench! Kill me so I do not have to endure the sight of you any longer. It would be a mercy.”

“I could not do it, ser. I thought…” What had she thought? She _hadn’t _thought.__

“You would _lead _me to my death? I never took you for a craven.”__

“Jaime,” she halted at the look of disgust on his face.

“Oh, Jaime now, is it? I was Kingslayer when I gave you that sword, that is who I will be when you kill me with it.”

“I will save them myself, ser. Ride back to your men!” He cut himself short at her words. The depth of his fury still evident in his eyes; it frightened her. “Jaime!” His name was a plea.

“Kingslayer. How many times must I remind you, wench?” He ran his hand up through his hair in frustration. “If only Lady Stark had killed me in my cell, how much happier everyone would be. My brother could have had his whore, and Cersei could have mourned a golden knight and lover, instead of a crippled fool,” he was speaking more to himself than her.

“You are not a fool, ser. I could not betray you.”

“You intended for me to die.”

“No! I was stalling. I…I wanted to think of…I wanted a strategy.”

“Of how best to kill me? A sword to the back? That would be safest. I might stand a chance face to face.”

“I am telling you now. No…no harm has been done,” Brienne claimed.

“Yet,” he added, eyeing her coldly.

“I will face the consequences of my actions. You need have no part in the rest of this.” Her words seemed to have some affect this time.

He glared while he thought. “Why would this Lady Stoneheart want _me _dead? I haven’t been hunting her. She should have asked you for that bastard Tarly. ”__

“Jaime, she’s…” He flinched when she called his name. “It’s Catlyn Stark, but she is not the lady that I served. She’s dead.”

He had heard tell of undead leaders in the Riverlands, but had dismissed them as wild tales from fearful smallfolk. “She seems rather bloodthirsty for someone who should be feeding the crows herself.”

“It’s true. She is rotting. Her soul as well. I told her that the others were innocent, but she would not heed me. If I alone had hung I would have died, Jaime. I swear it by the old gods and the new.”

“There you go swearing again. Have I taught you nothing?”

To that, she had no reply. She expected him to draw his sword or get back onto his horse and leave her to her fate. Instead, he stared at the dirt and sat on a nearby log. Brienne watched him as she waited, her heart in her throat.

After a moment, Jaime stood, awkwardly wrenched his sword from the scabbard and swung it at a tree. The sword lodged in the bark, but not so far as too remain there when he let go of the hilt.

“You’ll ruin the steel,” Brienne interceded before she could stop herself.

“For all the bloody good it does me!” He did not return to his seat, but paced beside the log shooting her bitter glances from time to time. Time wore on and he still seemed wrought with indecision. Sometimes he would stand, looking ready to bolt and others he might have been planning a siege. She stood vigil for a while as the sun moved overhead.

Her arm and ribs ached. She had felt her fever returning on their journey, but she had pushed the realization back. Now, it was too much to stand. She slid down a tree close to her horse in order to rest while Jaime…did whatever it was that he was doing. _He has not left me yet _, she thought as she closed her eyes.__

  


 

He was not sure if he was bothered more by the faith that he had had in her or her lack of faith in him. He had trusted her just like he had trusted Tyrion and Cersei. He was the Kingslayer, with shit for honor, and yet it was everyone else who betrayed _him _. The injustice of it embittered him. Tyrion and Cersei had always loved schemes and secrets, but with Brienne he had thought…Maybe Jaime was nothing but a beautiful, golden fool. He had _known _that the stories were folly and that there were no chivalrous knights. Brienne's treachery was the final blow to fantasies he had thought long dead.____

That the wench had fallen asleep, while he agonized, angered him. Everything about her angered him. She had planned to lead him to his death but turned craven at the last moment. It was more confusing than if she had just tried to kill him. If anyone understood swearing oaths under duress, it was Jaime. Catlyn Stark had held a sword to his throat to make him swear. It seemed that she had done the same to Brienne. Perhaps...

If she had told him about Lady Stoneheart at the camp he might have taken men, but she had not. She had led him into the forest and then been unable to follow through. If they went back for troops now they might be too late to save her companions. And who were these men that were worth his life? Surely, Brienne had not taken up with hedge knights.

_Why doesn’t the stubborn cow trust me? _He had saved her from rape with his lies and jumped into a bloody bear pit to save her life. He’d given her Valyrian steel, gold, and parchment to assist in her search for Sansa Stark. True, he insulted her, but words were wind and his actions spoke volumes. Or so he thought. What more did it take to earn her trust?__

_Why am I still here? I should ride back to camp at once and never think of the wench again. _He picked his sword up off the ground and put it back in its sheath. Then he sat back on his log.__

He had wanted to be able to write great tales about himself in the white book. And yet, when the wench came for his help he had left his command and responsibilities behind. Jaime placed his vow for Sansa Stark above his place in the Kingsguard, above his king. But had he been serving his king? He was cleaning up messes for Cersei. What would he be doing upon his return? What would she ask him to do?

Brienne’s quest offered him honor if posthumously. She would certainly remember it even if no one else did. He would love to see the shock on her face.

“Jaime…” When he went to face the wench, he found her still asleep. “No, please.” She looked red in the face and tortured. “Jaime, I…Pod. Not Pod.”

He approached her cautiously, unsure if he should wake her. He felt her forehead and detected a slight fever. At his touch she calmed a little. He pulled his hand away and sat next to her on the ground.

He did not want to die, but he had never feared death. There were far worse things that could happen to a man than death. He eyed his stump, having left his golden hand on his horse. Goldenhand the Just was a stupid dream, worthy of his childhood, but not the man he had become. His stump was reality. But maybe he _could _do this.__

 _ _He needed to make a decision, damn it.__

 _ _

Instead, he looked at the wench’s cheek, pulled the bandage back slowly sure that she would wake. When she did not, he noted that the wound looked clean and any fever must have been residual from the ride. He wondered if she had slept the night before? He had offered her his bed, but she refused to take it. At the time he had thought it a quirk of her chivalry, now he recognized it as guilt.

“Jaime…” she muttered. Earlier there had been distress in her voice, but the tone she had now made his cock stir. He put her bandage back and walked away from the ugly wench, disturbed. He returned to his log, far from her cries.

They might as well have made camp where they were. The dark was fast approaching, Jaime needed time to think, and Brienne needed to sleep. He pulled the horses even farther from the road and decided against lighting a fire. They were in no shape to fight if it came to that. 

Night had well and truly fallen by the time Brienne awoke. Jaime had already eaten, taken care of the horses, and laid out food for her. “You are still here,” she observed. “How long did I sleep?”

“Days, my lady. I could not wake you”

“What?” She shot to her feet, looking horror-struck.

“A cruel jape from a cruel man.” He watched her with amusement. “You should eat.”

Brienne took her place on the ground. “I am not hungry.”

“But you are feverish. Eat,” he ordered, and she did. “Do you remember calling out my name in your sleep?”

It was dark, but he knew she was blushing crimson. “I…I had bad dreams.”

“Aye. And at least one good one.” He let her squirm before continuing. “Who are Pod and Hyle? Your companions?”

“Yes. Pod is just a boy. Podrick Payne, he was your brother’s squire. And Hyle Hunt was one of Tarly’s men. I knew him from Renly's camp.”

“And are they worth my life?”

“They are worth mine. They are my responsibility.”

“They are their mothers’ responsibility. They are your burden. A boy and a knight who have latched onto you.”

“Either way, I mean to save them.”

“You mean to die in the attempt,” he corrected. He wished that he had lit a fire so that he could see her face more clearly. Her determination was as annoying as he remembered it.

“They are just a few hours ride from here. I will return tomorrow and face them.”

“If you go empty-handed they will kill you.”

“Then I will not go empty-handed.” She shivered, looking ill. “I encountered Shagwell, Pyg, and Timeon on the road. I was led to them by an old man, who died for his trouble. I killed them all, one by one.”

“You killed the three of them yourself? That was well done, my lady,” he interrupted with praise before he remembered himself.

“I cut off Timeon’s hand before I killed him.” _For you _, her eyes said as they met his. He nodded once in appreciation.__

“Had you killed before?”

“I had only slaughtered animals, but…but I did not flinch.”

“It seems you became the scourge of the Bloody Mummers in my absence.”

She paid him no heed. "Hyle took their heads for proof that they were dead. I could do the same. There are many dead men around here. One looks much like another.”

“Not when one is the Kingslayer. I’m afraid I’m too recognizable for such a trick, and somehow I doubt that Lady Catlyn will be too squeamish to look closely.”

“Lady Stoneheart,” Brienne corrected him.

“You would all die,” he warned.

“I will not ask you to come with me.”

“You already have,” he scoffed. “You’ve dragged me into the woods alone. You either want me to go along with you or you plan to ravish me, which is it?”

She grabbed a stick from the ground. “I would not have you risk your life, I changed my mind.”

“So you will no longer sacrifice the Kingslayer to your honor. I am touched, my lady.”

“I will go alone. You should return to your duties,” she continued stubbornly.

“I would, but I haven’t been doing them anyway. I plan to go with you tomorrow. I believe that, between the two of us, I should be able to die twice as quickly.”

“You are not funny, ser.”

“I lost my sense of humor with my hand, and I seem to have found Tyrion’s,” He smiled. “In truth, we always had a similar humor. I think that’s why we got on so well. I lied to him, you know. Most of his life I lied, but he was my brother, and I did love him. More than anyone else did to be sure. Cersei couldn’t. I’m not sure she loves anyone, save her children. I thought we were born to be together, but…she was untrue while I was captured.”

“You were not, ser? I thought…”

“Qyburn sent Pia to me, but I sent her away. There was only ever Cersei.” He looked up at that stars. The conversation had taken an uncomfortable turn. He must have been more tired than he thought. “But if I’m to die tomorrow I do not mean to ruminate on my mistakes.”

“Like Bran Stark?” She might have slapped him across the face.

“No,” he responded. “I’m not proud, but I cannot bring myself to truly regret it. You’ve had your own moral quandary, now. What would you have done, wench?”

“My name is…”

“I know your bloody name. Answer me.”

“I would not have been in that situation.”

“Assuming a man would have you, then. Assuming you loved him like your other half, enough to be in my situation.”

“I would not have pushed a child out a window, ser.”

“Why do you call me ser while you insult me? Does that make it more polite? If I hadn’t pushed the boy, he would have told his family, who would have told the king. Coming from another family Robert might have dismissed it, but the Starks? My sister’s head would have been off within the hour, and mine.” He added. “Let’s not forget the children, though with Joffrey it may have been a blessing.”

“The kingdom might not have fallen,” she offered.

“ I was far from the only reason. Robert was a terrible king, short of Aerys to be sure, but incompetent and disinterested. He got himself killed sweetly, the Starks overplayed their hand, the Baratheons fought each other, the North was invaded by kraken’s, and I’m sure Littlefinger and Varys danced around in circles as the mighty fell round them. The kingdom had already fallen when I met the boy.”

“The Starks…”

“The oldest Stark boy broke his vow and was killed for it. I do have sympathy for that, more than most. If Ned Stark had taken the throne instead of Robert, the kingdom might have stood a chance, but he slunk back to Winterfell as fast as his horse could carry him. Robert took the throne, and the rest wrote itself.”

“Ned Stark was an honorable man."

“He is also a very dead man. Yet, the two of us are conversing over dinner. Are you sensing the pattern?"

Brienne was silent for a moment. _She’s trying to turn the wheels in that dull head. With the size of her, it’s no wonder it takes so long for her to think. _“You never told me why you joined the Kingsguard when you had all of Casterly Rock,” she stated. He thought back to when she had asked the question. How they had despised each other.__

“Because you would not have liked the answer. You’ve gotten a lot of information for nothing in return. I got an answer from Lady Stark for everyone of mine when _she _interrogated me. Would you like to play that game as well?”__

“No…no, I would not.”

“Just as well, I would not be interested anyway. I joined the guard to be close to Cersei and because it was a great honor.” He could feel her disapproval seep across their camp. “What do you know of it? You were a babe at the time. At that age you were busy being rejected by the likes of Red Ronnet.”

She was silent for a moment. “Who told you that?”

“The man himself, though he got a bloody mouth for the tale.” He awaited her response.

“You _hit _him?”__

“I finally found a use for my golden hand. It’s good for little else.” _Backhanding men and holding wine. ___

“You did not have to do that, ser.” He could tell from her voice that she was pleased, but her words were what he expected them to be. He had not hit the man to earn her regard, but a part of him wanted proper thanks nonetheless.

“If I had known you would betray me, I would not have.”

Brienne stood up, if shakily. “I am trying to be rid of you, but you will not leave. What do you want of me, Jaime?”

“I want you to trust me!” he burst out.

“I would trust you with my life.”

_But not with theirs._ “That doesn't mean as much coming from you. You are so damned selfless. Trusting me with your life is practically an insult.”

“I trust you more than anyone,” she insisted, examining the ground.

“And who else is it that you trust?”

“I…Lady Catlyn,” she paused. “People have proven themselves untrustworthy.”

“But she is dead and I am now in a position to save your lives, if you would let me.”

“Not without your death.”

“This from a woman who holds me responsible for the war of the five kings.”

“I owe you a debt. And I don’t think that. I was trying to anger you,” she whispered.

He laughed. “You succeeded. Sit down, Brienne, or you will fall.” She sat. Her shakiness reminded him of Harrenhall. “At least you will not swoon naked in my arms.”

Brienne the Blue, turned red. “I am fine, ser." He was skeptical. "I will recover,” she amended.

“But not in time. We should go to sleep. We can always argue in the morning. ”

“I will take first watch,” she declared all too willingly.

“If you try and ride off without me to your death, I will ride after you and die anyway,” he warned.

“You would not. There would no longer be a purpose.”

“Exactly my point.”

The wench had taken his threat seriously and not run off in the night. The next morning they rode on together. They stopped by a creek for a meal. “We should stay here a while.” Brienne decided. “We should meet them at night. If we get away, the dark can only help us.”

Jaime took off his boots and put his feet in the creek. The water was so cold that it hurt, even though the day was warm. “There is no point, my lady. The dark hides everything. The horses will trip, and we will not escape. Anyway, I tire of this talk.” He got his hand wet and flicked water in her direction as he did with his siblings as a child. She was sitting behind him so he had to crane his neck to see her. “Tell me of Tarth.”

“There is not much to tell.”

“Then it will be a short conversation,” he growled.

Brienne complied. “Tarth is the most beautiful place in the Seven Kingdoms, at least that I’ve seen. The water is very blue and the trees are very green. We have waterfalls and rocks slick with moss. I learned to swim and row in the ocean. There is not much else to say.”

“What of your father, my lady? You never speak of him.” He realized that she never spoke of anything. He had given her lectures on his psychology, while she remained too afraid to share. If anything, he was the one with a past to hide so why was she so loath to open up to him.

“He is a good man, ser. He is kind to me and deserves more than I can give him. We were very close before my mother died. It got quieter with just the two of us. He allowed me the practice with a sword, but I cannot say that he approved so much as relented. There are women, but he never married after my mother. I do not think that he means to, though a part of me would be relieved if he did.”

"For his sake or for yours?" She was too wracked with shame to answer. “You do not want Tarth?”

“I...I do not want to be wedded, bedded, and settled, ser. I like the road well enough for now.”

“Will you be a knight for hire?” he inquired, amused by the image.

“No. I _will_ return to Tarth and do my duty.” Her stomach churned. “Ser Hyle had a proposal that I cannot ignore.”

“Ser Hyle? Is that why I’m risking my neck? Has the Maid of Tarth found love?” He looked over his shoulder at her.

“No, of course not. He will allow me to continue fighting though and…and he can stand the sight of me.”

“Many a man could stand the sight of you for Tarth, my lady. You need not settle so low as a knight without a title.”

“I do not wish to,” she admitted picking a blade of grass.

“Then don’t.”

“It is not so simple, ser.”

“If I’m going to die, then the least you could do is not be miserable for the rest of your life. I know that you are _always_ miserable, but you could at least try."

“I am not always miserable. I enjoy fighting and…some people are kind to me.”

“Not me though,” he laughed.

“You have been kind. You had faith in me, and no man since Renly has ever done so much. I thank you, Jaime. Truly.”

In that moment, Jaime wanted to tell her that Renly had thought she was absurd, and Loras have even used the word grotesque. He wanted to prove that he was better to her than Renly ever had been. Renly may have given her a cloak, but Jaime had given her his friendship.

“Did I say something wrong?” She asked at his silence.

He felt guilty for his jibes and for thinking her a cow. “No. I have not been half so kind as you deserve, my lady. You should hold out for a better man than Ser Hyle. You are magnificent, Brienne, and any man should count himself lucky to marry you.”

Brienne’s seemed unable to speak. Not a new expression for her. “Thank you, ser.”

__


	2. Stoneheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's Stoneheart and the introduction of other characters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and encouragement! 
> 
> Warnings  
> I'm trying to keep them as in character as possible while progressing the story.  
> I understand Jaime and Brienne best so everyone else might be sort of weird.  
> Okay, I'm done.

Brienne hated herself for enjoying his company. She was glad that he was with her but for how long? He would die by the end of their journey. It wasn’t that she needed him there, but she liked him having him by her side. He would probably laugh at her for that. Jaime talked circles around her when he had a mind to, and other times he sat quietly in his saddle, undoubtedly contemplating death. They rode side by side when the rode allowed, and she led the way if it narrowed. 

The day passed too quickly and uneventfully. They started seeing dead men in the trees. She said a prayer to the Maid, the Warrior, and the Stranger. Surly, Jaime did not need to suffer the fate of Ned Stark to redeem himself. 

“I could still…”she ventured, looking up through the branches.

“Look at their faces, wench. It would be too obvious.” She glanced over at him reproachfully. “Brienne,” he amended.

“Jaime,” she affirmed stupidly. It had felt like the correct response until he shot her an amused glance.

As they neared the camp, Brienne became more and more uncomfortable. She was close to tears, but she did not urge him to leave anymore. “I’m so sorry, Jaime. I am throwing your life away.”

“It is my life to throw away, but you might see to it that I haven’t. Find Sansa; make sure she is safe, and return to Tarth. And try not to get captured again, won’t you? I know you are desperate for company, but that is not the way to go about getting it.”

She nodded, unable to reply coherently. They journeyed on silently, knowing that this would be their last adventure.

And then it was at an end.

A crossbowman called to them from behind. Jaime scowled at his weapon. “We told you to kill him, whore, not bring him home for supper.” 

“I…I thought…”

“She thought the lady would want the honor. Take us to her.” Jaime gestured with his golden hand. He had put it on as they traveled; no doubt he wished to die two-handed.

“I don’t take orders from you, Kingslayer,” the man barked, but he led them to Lady Stoneheart all the same.

Brienne took stock of the men that they passed. There were not half so many as before. Some of the men must have gone looking for more necks to hang. Maybe…Maybe. She still had _Oathkeeper _at her side.__

 _ _Brienne spied Thoros in the corner of the cave, the torchlight playing over his maudlin face. She turned to Lady Stoneheart.__

 _ _

“The Lady says that you have not fulfilled your bargain,” the man beside her said. There were only eight men in the cave.

“Where are my companions?” Brienne asked. She had not seen them as she approached.

“You shall have them once the Kingslayer is dead.”

“I would see them first. How else do I know they are still alive?”

“The Lady keeps her word.”

“I think the Maid does not trust you.” Jaime interjected. “You shouldn’t be offended for she doesn't trust anyone.” Brienne glanced over at him, but he was sizing up the other man. His accusation hurt all the more for its accuracy.

“Maybe it’s the company she keeps,” the man relented. “Bring in the men.” 

Her eyes scanned her companions for injury, lingering on Pod. Hyle looked just as awful as Brienne remembered, but the boy had been treated more gently. “Hello, ser…my lady.”

Brienne saw Jaime smirk at the lad before casting a glance at Ser Hyle. “That one seems only half alive. Maybe I should only half die.” His gaze fell on the Lady in disgust. "Although, that doesn't seem very appealing either."

“You will pay for your crimes, Kingslayer,” the man beside Stoneheart repeated. “Kill him or die yourself,” he directed at Brienne.

“Surely, he deserves a trial at least,” Brienne insisted loudly, looking for a sympathetic face. 

“We have no trials here, only trees.” 

Brienne caught another glimpse of Thoros and continued. “The Red God brought you back, my lady, perhaps you should seek his permission to kill. I…I will fight any of your men for his life,” she fought through her stumble.

“Is he too craven to fight for himself?”

She shouted above the roar of men. “He is crippled. It would not be a fair fight. I will be his champion. If you are so certain that he is an evil man, then what is the harm? I will die as well, and you will have two deaths. If I simply kill him, you will have but the one. Either way, those two go free for they are innocent of all.”

“Brienne, this is folly,” Jaime muttered.

“She is right, my lady,” Thoros interjected. “This is not a man that we found robbing. We sought him out. It will please the God that gave you a second life to give him a fair trial.”

Brienne looked from face to face frantically. She drew her sword. “This man is trying to save your daughter, my lady, and he had no part in the Red Wedding. I know because I was there when he learned of it. He is changed. If I speak true, then we will go free. And if I am lying, I will die for it.”

“The Lady does not worship the Red god. And she’s just the Kingslayer’s whore. Kill them all,” shouted men in their audience. 

The Lady went to speak, and the rumble fell quiet. Her hand moved to her throat, “Fight,” she heard the rasp. “All or none.”

Brienne sighed in relief. “I hope you know what you are doing, wench. I would hate to think that you negotiated your own death.” She smiled at him, a joyous smile that Jaime did not return. For the first time in days, she was convinced she was doing the right thing. The lift of her guilt and the adrenaline for the fight combined into a euphoric rush. Her aches died away.

She waited to see her opponent, hoping that she would fight a rash man. She did not have a shield for her usual fighting style, but she could not hold one anyway. 

“I’ll fight the bitch,” the one called Lem said. “I’m not scared to put a whore in the ground.” He handed his hound’s helm to Thoros.

“Her name is Brienne,” Jaime added helpfully.

“Kill her! Kingslayer’s whore!” The crowd of men screamed. It echoed off the cave walls so it sounded like thrice as many men. They formed a circle around Jaime and Brienne. She sent Pod a reassuring smile.

“I did not know you were my whore. Here, I haven’t even taken advantage,” Jaime said, as one of them men pulled him away. 

Lem stepped up, and it had begun. He swung at her fast and hard, trying to take her out quickly. She had heard men say that all women were the same. Apparently, men fared no better. 

Brienne blocked his blows, but there was a tremor in her arm already that she had not felt before. Abandoning her normal strategy, she attacked. His blocks were strong but slow. She had him on defense, and there was fear in his eyes. They traded blows. The floor was uneven, often putting them at a height, while Brienne was clearly taller. As they locked swords, he sent a foot into her side where her ribs were bruised. Falling to her knees, she raised her sword just in time. She struggled to her feet, fearing that she had been overconfident.

His attacks were slowing as were hers, but she was declining faster. She needed to end it quickly. She ducked his next swing and tackled him to the ground, relying on her superior size to aid in her victory. The move had taken him unawares. When they crashed into the cave floor, his head hit a rock with a sickening thunk. He lay still. 

Brienne stood uncertainly, eyeing the corpse as the blood splayed over the rock. Fear grew in her stomach, as she wondered if they would let them go.

“The Red God has spoken!” Thoros shouted above the angry men. “Let them leave or face his wrath.” 

Brienne grabbed Oathkeeper from the ground. “We had horses,” she claimed.

“Do not be greedy. We said that you would go free, we said nothing about the horses.”

“They are ours,” Brienne bridled at the unfairness.

“You have your lives. Go!” Thoros ordered. Jaime grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the cave mouth. 

“Let’s leave while we can,” he insisted. 

Brienne had lost sight of her companions. “Pod! Pod! Hyle!” she called, and then they were at her elbow. 

“Well fought,” Hyle commented. 

Brienne looked back as they reached the cave mouth and saw Lady Stoneheart’s livid face as she whispered to one of her men. “Run!” Brienne called, but a moment too late. The cross bolt fired and sent a bolt through Jaime’s back.

“No!” she screamed. His grip on her hand loosened, and he stumbled. They were out of the cave and no one seemed to follow them. She heard the echoes of argument following, but did not risk turning around.

“I cannot die from a crossbolt,” Jaime growled defiantly.

“You won’t,” Brienne stated. “Can you walk?”

“It’s a nuisance. Nothing more,” he insisted, pushing Brienne away from him.

“We cannot get far on foot with no supplies,” Hyle pointed out. 

“We will have to try,” Brienne said reasonably. They continued walking. “Pod, are you alright?”

“Yes, ser…my…”

“How were you treated while I was away?”

“We were fed. That is the long and short of it. Though I started to think that you had run away by the end of the third day. What took you so long, my lady?” Hyle demanded.

“I was injured,” Brienne snapped.

“I didn’t doubt you, ser,” Pod piped up.

“True. The boy actually told me to hold my tongue a time or two.”

“Thank you, Pod.” Brienne had a smile for the boy and turned to Jaime. “Are you sure you are alright?”

He barked a laugh. “Fine, but for the slight pinch in my back. It seems the man was both craven and a poor shot. We should get off the road. They may come after us.”

“We need to find someplace safe,” Brienne agreed.

“My camp…” Jaime began.

“Is too far without horses. You could die.”

“We could find the Brother. Or go to the Isle,” Hyle suggested.

“We won’t reach anything tonight,” Jaime said realistically. The arrow had taken him high in the shoulder, a wound that was not deadly by itself, but if let untreated it might kill him. 

Brienne chose a direction and led them away from Lady Stoneheart.

“We should have tried to steal horses,” Hyle lamented. “They were busy arguing. We could have done it.”

“They would have killed us _without_ argument if we had been caught. We are alive. Let’s be thankful.” 

“Yes, let’s,” Jaime grimaced.

They walked as far as they could for the night before looking for a place to make camp. They put a stream to their back and Pod, Hyle, and Brienne took turns at the watch. Jaime insisted that he could take a turn as well, but Brienne would not hear of it. They had far to walk, and she needed him as rested as possible.

“We should pull out the arrow,” Hyle noted when they settled down.

“It has done its damage. I would leave it in until we find some way to treat his wounds. He is not bleeding much as it is. It will keep for a day.” She had seen an arrow pulled from a man by his fellow knight once on Tarth. It had been a wayward shot that took him in the shoulder. He had been laughing in pain one minute and bleeding out the next.

“I leave it to you.”

“Why not leave it to me? I want the damn thing out,” Jaime declared.

“Then remove it yourself,” Hyle suggested. “Did you think about my proposal on the road, Brienne?”

“I did not,” Brienne growled harshly. 

“You wound me, lady. No matter, I will make sure that you consider it as we travel. Would you like to share a bedroll?”

“No.”

“He’s charming, Brienne. I know what you see in him,” Jaime observed. “It's his subtly.”

“Not all of us can afford the great subtly of a golden hand, ser,” Hyle retorted.

“Or a bath it would seem.”

“Pardon me, if my captivity did not include a lordly chamber with a tub.”

Jaime laughed. “Neither did mine, I assure you. I smelled as if I had bathed in shit, which I almost did when Lady Stark knocked my pail over. That was when I first met the Maid of Tarth. Do you remember, my lady?”

“Yes,” Brienne acknowledged.

“You hated me with a fiery passion.”

“I did.”

“If only she had kept that passion, we might have food in our empty bellies,” Hyle noted.

Jaime’s comment forced Brienne’s thoughts back to Lady Catlyn. Brienne had stayed outside the cell on her orders that night. She only caught bits and pieces of their conversation, enough to know that her hate for Jaime Lannister was justified. Lady Catlyn had asked for her sword and Brienne had never been more shocked. She had mutely handed it over wondering what her lady was planning to do. When she had told Jaime that no man had ever done so much, she had been telling the truth, but Lady Catlyn was no man. She had trusted Brienne with her children’s lives, and the lady that Brienne remembered deserved her loyalty. 

They had not blankets or bedrolls and no food to speak of. Brienne slept between Pod and Jaime so she could keep on eye on both. She was careful not to touch the arrow jutting from his shoulder. As they laid down for sleep that night Brienne felt hot tears streaming silently down her cheeks for the memory of her liege lady. She thought that Jaime saw so she tried to casually wipe them away. He caught her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before turning over with difficulty. It made her cry all the more. They went to sleep hungry and woke up tired. No one slept more than a few hours. As soon as dawn came, Brienne woke the others. 

“Where are we?” Pod asked the next morning.

“A good question,” Hyle muttered.

Brienne scowled at him. “We are still close to the Quiet Isle. We should go and beg for entry.” Her fever had returned.

“I believe I made that suggestion last night,” Hyle said pointedly.

“You are correct, ser. I can’t believe we didn’t think to credit you. How silly we all feel.” 

Hyle looked at Jaime with disgust before addressing Brienne. “If you had killed the Kingslayer last night, we might have had horses and food this morning,” he reminded. 

“He saved your life, ser. He might have refused to come,” she stated simply.

“And lest we forget, it seems the lady could not live without me,” Jaime nettled. The statement had its intended effect.

Brienne sighed wearily. At least Pod was not acting like a child. “Let’s move,” Brienne ordered. They all listened when she spoke, even Jaime. Somehow she had become the leader of this odd little band. They moved slowly throughout the day, stopping to rest when Jaime seemed faint. Pod sometimes went to scout ahead against Brienne’s objections. 

“The boy needs to become a man. Loosen the reigns,” Hyle advised, “or he will fight against you.”

“There are outlaws all around.”

“You will suffocate him, my lady. He has already faced more than most.”

“He is not your responsibility,” Brienne reminded.

“I’ve spent days with the lad, my lady. He has little confidence, and that is only gained with experience.”

Brienne could see she was making no headway.

“I think the Maid knows more of this than you,” Jaime said. He had taken to disagreeing with Hyle in everything, which led to some ludicrous counterpoints coming from the mouth of Jaime Lannister. “I’m sure you were born brimming with confidence and have examined yourself little since.”

“Reflection is for men who cannot simply take what they want.”

Jaime would have made the same point some years earlier. “Reflection is for a man who can think, whereas you may injure yourself should you attempt it.”

“Hyle, go check on Pod, please.” Brienne could not stand anymore of their bickering.

“You should do it yourself if you’re so worried. After all, he is not my responsibility.”

_I would find one of you dead upon my return._ “Please, go.” When he left she turned on Jaime. “That was hardly clever.” 

“I have a bolt in my shoulder, wench. I’m not at my best.”

“You needn’t tell me. I have been hearing you for hours. You should not argue with him so. You two are the reason that Pod wanders ahead. He’s a gentle boy with a tender heart.”

“I would not have to argue, if you would speak up. It gets tiresome arguing on your behalf when I’m still half angry with you myself.”

“I will not be drawn into a fight. Let Hyle think what he will. I want no part of it.”

“But you may have part of _him _,” Jaime reminded her.__

 _ _“He has been no worse to me than you ever were,” she challenged.__

 _ _

Jaime met her eyes in indignation. “I was cruel, and you were innocent of any offense, was that the way of it? I seem to remember being kicked awake one morning by a woman who named me monster with every spare breath. Perhaps, I'm thinking of another maiden.”

Brienne dropped her eyes. “I stopped long before you did, ser.”

“With purposeful barbs, perhaps, though you continue to misinterpret everything I do.” She thought back to the many times she had misjudged him even since he came back for her at Harrenhall, and her stomach churned with guilt. “Besides, I was intent on dying for you yesterday, which I think makes up for at least some of my behavior,” he added flippantly, touching the tip of the bolt with his finger. “I may still get my way on the matter,” 

“Please, do not say such things,” she begged pathetically.

“Why not, wench? My family has fallen apart and I have little else to live for. I might as well die for you.”

“You are Lord Commander of the Kingsguard.”

“A Kingsguard full of rash boys, Kettlebacks, and Kingslayers. We shall go down in history as the most disreputable Kingsguard Westeros has ever seen.”

“You cannot die, ser, I…” Her throat grew too tight to speak.

Jaime grunted in acknowledgment. “My point was that Hyle does not respect you enough for a successful marriage. You grow timid in his presence. Or are you not this stubborn with anyone but me?” 

She recalled the many threats she had made to Ser Hyle and shook her beastly head. “You are wrong about that, ser. And if you came to respect me, so might he. If not…it does not matter now. I am not asking you to like him. I am asking you to control your tongue. Hyle is a not half the man you are. Show it. We’ve only been traveling a day and already I am tempted to leave the both of you. I fear saying anything that it will set you off again.” 

"As oppose to the many stimulating conversations you begin otherwise."

She glared at him. In their peril, she had forgotten how he infuriated her.

“I _do _see your point, Brienne. You can consider me thoroughly chided. I promise,” he added, holding up his hand.__

 _ _With another sigh, she helped him from the ground, and they started after Hyle and Pod. Surprisingly, she did notice an effort on his part to avoid confrontation with Hyle. Unsurprisingly, it was not a complete success.__

 _ _

“Do you think they are looking for us?” Pod asked after a noise in the wood had startled them all.

“It depends who won that argument last night,” Hyle answered. “They like to think of themselves as the hand of justice. Thoros showed them that they no longer are.” He continued, “I still can’t believe they accepted the bargain to begin with. You are a woman to be sure and injured, but few men in that camp grew up with a sword.”

“I expected to be fighting for my own life at the very least,” Jaime agreed.

“Even one-handed your name is feared; the lady was fevered and broken but a few days ago. She looked more likely to fall,” Hyle explained.

“I don’t think that was it," Brienne disagreed sorrowfully. "If he fought for himself, we three would have been free either way. Our promise fulfilled. She wanted to kill us all.” She had seen it in those fearsome eyes. A malice that went much deeper than revenge. “She accepted because she thought she could kill us all.”

__

__

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> 


	3. A kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically they're heading for the Isle and there's conversation and confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This continues to be an excuse for Jaime and Brienne to have conversations I really want them to have.

They came upon the Isle close to dusk. Hyle was helping Jaime walk, occasionally muttering something to himself. When Hyle saw the Isle across the water he cheered, and their party came to a halt. The tide was out, leaving a sandy bottom for them to cross. Jaime had felt weaker and weaker throughout the journey. He had kept going for the sake of his dignity. Ser Hyle was sure to have fun at his expense if he was unable to continue. With their destination in sight, he pushed forward, hoping to finish their long walk and sleep for a moon’s turn at least.

Ser Hyle caught him with a hand to the chest. “The sands are treacherous. We have to wait to cross. There is only one safe path.”

“They call it the path of faith,” Pod interjected, reminding Jaime of Tyrion. Unlike Tyrion, Pod did not continue to lecture.

“Are we to camp here then? It’s a little wet for my taste.” His shoulder ached, he was leaning on a man he despised, and his stomach cramped with hunger.

Brienne called over to the Quiet Isle until they caught the attention of someone, who ran off.

“Don't worry. I’m sure it wasn’t you.” Brienne sent him an injured look with those bright blue eyes. “Forgive me, Brienne. I'm hungry and angry.”

“You have a right to be.” She lowered her eyes to the ground looking thoroughly miserable. 

It was no joy in being angry with someone who felt they deserved it. “Damn it, wench.” He sat down on the ground. He could not lay down for the arrow. He’d pluck the damn thing out himself if he could. “Do they have food on this Isle or have they given that up as well?”

“They have food and are willing to share.”

“I don’t think _that _man was willing to share. He ran at the sight of us.”__

“I’m sure he was running for the Elder Brother,” Brienne said patiently.

“I’m less sure.”

“I’ll not lose sleep over it,” Hyle told him. “We have been here before. These are good, silent men. Keep your japes to yourself here for they will not be appreciated.”

“I’m used to no one appreciating my japes. Especially the Lady Brienne. She has yet to laugh at any of them.”

“Or mine,” Hyle admitted.

“Perhaps you could make a bet,” Brienne glowered, and Ser Hyle went oddly silent. 

Minutes passed before they saw anyone from the island again. A large man shouted across the sand.

“I cannot hear a damn thing he’s saying.” Jaime was tired of his companions and longed for a rest and a bath. 

Pod was listening intently. “We can’t cross till the morning. It’s too close to dark. We’d loose the light halfway though.”

“It’s a least an hour from dusk,” Jaime complained.

“It’s a winding path across. They would need to make it both ways,” Hyle explained.

“Then the least we can do is get this bloody arrow out of me.”

“I do not want to cause more damage,” Brienne repeated defensively.

“If you’re too squeamish I am sure the Ser Hyle would be happy to oblige.”

“He is right, Brienne,” Hyle said all too eagerly for Jaime’s taste.

“I saw a man die from such a wound on Tarth. I would wait.”

“But I will not. Ser Hyle…”

“I will do it!” Brienne mercifully cut in as Hunt approached him. “If we must wait the night, we need provisions. Hyle, take Pod and go over to the Saltpans. Get any food you can.”

“That is a another walk, my lady.”

“It is a short walk…Ser Jaime and I are injured.”

“You're right, Brienne. I had forgotten that I was beaten with silk pillows.”

“You’re injuries are not fresh. Bring us food, and I shall not forget it.”

“We’ve nothing to trade. They are starving as well. They will not give us charity.”

Jaime ground his teeth. He set to work at the straps of his golden hand and let it fall to the ground. He had not the strength to toss it over to the other man. “What’s the loss of another hand when I have so many?”

“They will not need it in its entirety.” Brienne pulled out Oathkeeper and set the hand upon a rock before she started to have second thoughts. “Ser Hyle, I do not think that I will be able to do this one-handed.” 

When Jaime saw him wield Oathkeeper, it bothered him at his core. He wanted to grab it from Ser Hyle’s hands and give it back to the Maid of Tarth. Instead, he watched as the man sliced off Jaime’s thumb.

“This should get us as much food as we can carry. If we leave now we could be back by dark.”

“Could…Could I stay?”

Brienne gave Pod a sympathetic look. “Ser Hyle might need you there for protection and to carry food.”

“You could not wield Oathkeeper. I would rather protect you, my lady…ser.”

“It’s a good thing I do not take offense easily,” Hyle stated with good humor.

“We will be fine, I promise. We need food more than I need protection.” She sent Pod on his way with a frown.

“The boy is very attached to you, Brienne. You might have another suitor after all.”

Brienne wrinkled her nose. “He is a sweet boy, but that is all he will ever be to me.” 

“Alone at last after a hard day’s walk. I'll rub your feet, if you'll rub mine.” Jaime grinned at her.

He had successfully agitated her. “You know that I will refuse. Why do you ask?”

Jaime shrugged his shoulders. He had intended to reply with casual arrogance to frustrate her further, but he gasped in pain instead.

She sat down next to him and touched the arrow lightly with her finger. He flinched. “If I am to remove this, you will need to be tougher than that, ser.”

“Don’t accuse me of weakness when you would not remove it earlier for your girlish fears.”

“I did not want to hurt you when help was so close.”

“It did not feel close, wench. It would have been an easier day’s walk without this weight.”

“I would…” Brienne started to repeat herself.

“I know!” he interrupted. “Once a man died on Tarth, and I must suffer for it. Get on with it, would you?”

He could tell she was growing angry. _Good _. “The head of the bolt it no wider that the shaft. I will pull it through from behind and spare you the other end. Hopefully, it will not damage you further.” She sounded more like she hoped it might.__

“Yes, I would hate to get any feathers caught in the wound. The other knights might jeer at me.”

“There are no feathers.” Why must she take everything so literally?

“Well, I can’t actually see the damn thing, you know, as it’s lodged in my back.” _I’m not a dog chasing my own tail. I’m a lion. _“Do you happen to see a knife back there as well? You might recognize it.”__

She lay on the ground behind him and braced a bent knee to his back. As he finished his spiteful sentence, she pulled the bolt back with all her strength. Jaime felt it rip from his shoulder with a blinding agony that left him on the ground.

Brienne was leaning over him. “Jaime,” he could hear the relief in her voice as he opened his eyes. “I’m sorry. Can you sit up?” He grunted. Her voice sounded very far away. He heard her tearing strips of clothes to make a bandage.

When he struggled to rise, she helped him, avoiding his wound. “Forgive me, ser. Are you in much pain?”

_A stupid question _. “I’ll survive.” Though he wasn’t sure he could forgive her for the assault to his dignity.__

“I’m sorry. I’m sure they will have milk of the poppy on the Isle.”

He felt himself start to unclench. “I won’t need it. It’s ebbing already.” 

“Then I’m going to wrap the wound. I…you will need to remove your shirt and mail.” Her freckled cheeks glowed bright.

Jaime laughed. “Is that why you sent the others away?” He awkwardly managed to remove his clothing with some help. She might have been right about the blood.

She knelt behind him, undoubtedly to make the situation as comfortable as was possible. “Can you raise your arm, ser?” He did his best to accommodate her. Her light fingers rested on his skin and he could feel her breath on his back and neck. His breathing went a little ragged as his body responded.

“Are you alright? Am I hurting you?” she asked concernedly.

“Yes, but there’s nothing for it,” he lied.

She tied off the bandage and was gone, muttering something about washing. She stayed away for quite a while, until he longed for some company. The desire confused him greatly. He was still annoyed with her for deceiving him, but not as much as he should have been. There was little that Jaime hated more than feeling confused.

“Are you quite through wandering?” he inquired upon her return.

“I was…” _Getting away from me _, he thought. “I was not gone long.”__

“As I lay here with my gaping wound, something occurred to me." She refused to ask him about it so he proceeded on his own. "You haven’t asked to be forgiven.” 

She sat beside him this time, still not quite facing him. “I apologized, ser,” she responded as though it had been an accusation.

“That is a different thing altogether. I might apologize for treading on woman’s dress, but that does not mean that I care if she thinks well of me after.”

“You do not care if anyone thinks well of you.”

Kingslayer, she might have added. He sighed, feeling thoroughly exhausted. “If we’re going to be this way, we might as well take our own vow of silence until the others return.” He thought she had accepted his offer, when he finally heard her speak.

“I haven’t the right to forgiveness. I mean to make it up to you though, when I find Lady Stark’s daughters.”

“Daughters?”

“Arya might still be alive. I owe it to the both of you to try and find her as well.” 

_Both of us? _He realized she was speaking of Catlyn Stark. “You are like to get yourself killed, my lady.”__

“No more than any knight.”

“But you are not any knight, you are the sole heir to Tarth.” And he did not need more innocent blood on his hands. 

“You were the heir to Casterly Rock.”

“Aw, now I understand. You see how happy I am with my choice, and you want to emulate me. They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, but I prefer gifts myself.”

“You loved another and were unhappy with your decision. I have a duty that I cannot abandon. I could not live with myself.”

“Well, you may not have to, if you continue on this course.”

“You were the one who believed I could still find the girl. Have you lost faith in me in the meantime?”

He wanted to say yes and hurt her like she had hurt him. _I wanted you out of the castle and away from Cersei, who would have remembered you and taken revenge eventually_. “No, Brienne. I object for purely selfish reasons. You’ll undue all the nobility of my sacrifice if you die.” 

She shook her head. “No one can take that from you, ser.” That had not been his experience. “Though it should not have been necessary.” That was true enough. Brienne hung her head in shame. In truth, the situation was more of his family’s making than of Brienne’s. If Tyrion had not killed Joffrey, if Joffrey had not needed killing, if Cersei had not blamed Sansa, if his father had not orchestrated the Red Wedding, if he had not been captured in the first place. Everything would have been different. 

“Let it drop, wench. If you punish yourself, you will deprive me of the pleasure. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”

“You have not punished me at all.”

“Strangely, it’s not my first priority. You fought for me and won. Let’s leave it at that.” They did for a moment. Jaime’s thoughts drifted to her fighting fiercely for them, and the men surrounding her yelling taunts. Kingslayer’s whore, they had called her. “In the caves, were my gazes overly long?”

She looked at him rather drained. “I do not follow, ser.”

“They were shouting Kingslayer’s whore, and I didn’t see the queen there so I assume they were referring to you.” 

“Yes.” He enjoyed her embarrassment. “When I was taken, I was fevered and…I think I dreamed of you.”

He smiled, unexpectedly pleased. “I had a dream of you once, if you remember. What was your dream, my lady, so we may compare them?”

“You had a rose, I think, ” she said, as if she did not remember well.

“Like Ser Ronnet? That doesn’t say much for me, does it?”

“It was a dream, ser, nothing more. I’m sure that yours was equally strange.” 

_We were naked and had more of a woman’s shape_ , he might have mentioned to see her blush. _And I was hard_. Perhaps she had a point. “Dreams have many meanings and purposes, Brienne. My dream made me ride back to Harrenhall.” 

“Last night, I had a dream that I was back on Tarth and my father was a crab. Do you see meaning in that, as well?” she challenged.

“Of course, my lady. It means that you miss home, are hungry, and harbor a secret desire to eat the Evenstar.” She gave a small laugh. “It seems I would have won that bet.”

She looked as if she had swallowed her tongue before she grasped his meaning. “The laugh.”

“What did you think I was referring to?” She did not answer. “I saw Hyle’s reaction when you mentioned a bet. He was ashamed.”

“He isn’t. It was nothing, ser.”

“Tell me.” 

“A boring tale, I’m afraid, for nothing came of it.”

“I haven’t heard a tale in ages. My favorites had brave knights and beautiful maidens.”

“I’m afraid that this tale has cruel knights and an ugly maiden. You would not like to hear it,” she insisted. 

“Will you not say?”

“It is a hard story for me, my lord. I…I do not tell it well.” Her face was begging him to let it lie, but something urged him on. There was a wall surrounding Brienne that might have been as large as the one protecting the North. He knew so very little of her.

“Did they wager on a kiss?” he guessed softly.

She shook her head, looking miserable. 

“Your maidenhead then?” She cringed at the memory. “That was poorly done, my lady.” He tried to see Brienne as a younger maiden in a camp surrounded by men pursuing her for a bet. His stomach clenched in empathy. 

She took a shallow breath and faltered. “I…Lord Tarly said that I caused it with my presence…that I should not have been there at all…I _didn’t _encourage them,” she whispered. “Part of me wanted to trust them. I wanted to think that we were friends, but I knew something was wrong when… when they were kind.” Her voice broke as tears formed in her azure eyes.__

He lifted his hand to pat her back, but hesitated, unsure if he should touch her. He longed to somehow offer her comfort. He had never learned to console anyone but Cersei. Perhaps he should lie of her beauty. As he watched Brienne shrink away, Jaime wished, more than anything, that he could show her what he saw in her. Her purity of heart. Her bravery in the face of danger and ridicule. “I…” The words he might of used felt woefully inadequate. Her sad eyes flickered toward him at the sound.

Before he was fully aware of what he was doing, he leaned forward so that their lips met. His barely brushed hers, but they were soft, warm and not unwelcoming. He lingered there a few seconds longer than he intended.

Jaime pulled back, preparing to speak, but he found no words. It had been a gentle kiss born of sympathy, but had been something else as well. Something he was at a loss to explain. A kiss light in touch but profound in nature. 

As his wits fully returned, he thought perhaps he should apologize and claim he’d been faint from pain and blood loss. The weak explanation was almost on his tongue when he bit it back. She deserved better.

The silence had lengthened as he tried to think his way out of this. Brienne was frozen as a statue with an expression just as enigmatic, giving him nothing. Finally, he cleared his throat decisively and lay back on the ground, staring at the darkening sky.

They sat together without another word until the others returned.

  


Brienne had spent the morning avoiding Jaime. As soon as the others arrived that night, she had understood how strange it was. She had read about first kisses where the knight held the maiden powerfully to him, claiming her. Kisses motivated by lust and danger. Hers was different. Better. Their lips had hardly touched and yet she had felt...connected. There had been no longing or urgency, just compassion, showing a side of Jaime that he rarely let anyone see. She had barely worked though the shock of it when he had pulled away from her.

“I see the path of faith is a crooked one. I suspected as much,” Jaime drawled as a brother made his way across the mud before the tide came in. Brienne could tell that he was weak. She had asked Hyle to check Jaime’s bandage that morning because she was too craven to do it herself. It had been so perfect for a moment that she did not want Jaime to ruin it with a cruel jape. Part of her wanted to leave him on the island and never see him again so that she would always have that memory, untarnished. 

When the brother finally reached them, Brienne vaguely recognized him. He nodded to them all and set to examine Jaime. She was happy that he was finally getting care. He had been quiet as they ate and had not said much that morning either.

“Is Ser Jaime alright?” Pod asked her after their breakfast.

“He is just injured. It will take time. Should the brother see to you as well?”

“I’m fine, my lady.” Brienne did not fully believe him, but she did not want to embarrass him by not taking him at his word.

The brother pulled some splinters from the wound and applied ointment. “Smells like my cell, though not as bad as my rotting hand, wouldn’t you say, my lady?” She wrinkled her nose at the memory. “Would you look at Lady Brienne as well?” He asked the man. 

“He should see to Ser Hyle first,” Brienne suggested. She had had her fill of being looked over by medical men. She thought back to Qyburn and shivered. Hyle was examined, and all too soon it was her turn.

The brother looked at her arm as the tide came in. It had been set by Lady Stoneheart’s followers when they had first taken her. She had been little careful with it since. He felt her arm and shook his head. She cried out when he reset it. Her cheek was healing well, and she did not allow him to look at her ribs because she would have had to lift up her shirt. Pod stayed close through her examination.

She loved the boy, but she wanted to bear the pain alone until it dissipated. Hyle tugged him over to the shoreline where he had discovered a sand trap by throwing rocks. She lay back on the ground waiting for the pain to settle.

The brother watched Hyle and Pod play with their discovery until it was lost to the tide. Soon enough they saw a boat cutting across the water. “Salvation at last,” Jaime said, failing to get up from the ground. Hyle pulled him up by his good arm and set him to his feet. As the others piled into the boat, she saw Jaime start to sway. With pursed lips, she put his arm around her shoulders. “I can never tell if you actually care for me or if you’re just being nauseatingly heroic,” he claimed.

“Nauseatingly heroic. It’s her nature to make the rest of us look like villains.”

She grunted in response and placed Jaime in the seat next to Hyle. He was having more trouble just sitting up now. “Make sure Ser Jaime does not fall,” she instructed before taking a seat next to Pod. It felt strange to be in a boat that she was not rowing. 

“I did not survive Lady Stoneheart to play nursemaid to a cripple,” he muttered.

“No, you survived Lady Stoneheart _because_ of a cripple,” Jaime replied. “And the bravery of Lady Brienne. Although, I’m still unclear as to why you were with her in the first place.” 

“I thought to help.”

“You thought to help yourself to the reward more like.”

“There is no crime in that.”

“You do realize that Brienne was not going to give Sansa Stark to my sister.”

“The Tullys would pay just as much.”

“The Tullys have bent the knee, ser. One of her uncles is in prison and the other is in hiding. There is no longer any money in it for you.”

“I’ll take my chances.” Hyle eyed Brienne, and Jaime guessed his meaning.

“You think that if you badger her enough, she will agree to marry you?” Jaime asked, amused.

“You cannot marry her, Kingslayer, so let the rest of us enjoy the game.”

“It is not a game to be won, ser,” Brienne admonished.

“I could give you whatever you want. Marriage, children, and companionship. That’s what I offer you. It is that not winning?”

“The way in which you offer it is…”

“Unromantic?” Jaime offered as she examined the water below them. She knew that he was waiting for her to turn into the power of his gaze, but she would not do it.

“Marriage is a negotiation, my lady. You may come to love me later. Who knows, I could come to love you. It is a statement of intent, not a promise. There are no guarantees, but we work well together, you and I.”

“But it is for a lifetime.”

“Would it please you to know that many in my family have died young?”

“We will speak of it later, if we must speak of it at all.”

“Later then. In private,” he agreed. “But, perhaps if you knew how sweet a kiss was, my lady, you would not turn me away so eagerly.”

She felt the blush creep up her face in a familiar pattern as she remembered Jaime’s kiss. She was tempted to marry just to stop the incessant blushing. She would not look at Jaime or Hyle or anyone. If she fled from the boat, she could swim to shore for she was a strong swimmer. There were few in Tarth who could hope to match her. As soon as they reached shore, she could hide in the woman’s cabins. Never had she been so happy of her sex.

“You’ve pushed too far, Ser Hyle. She looks as if she may flee the boat.”

Pod placed a comforting hand upon her back. She was thankful for his boyish presence.

When the boat reached shore, she immediately requested a cabin, feigning ill. 

  


Jaime had a bed to himself. He spent most of the first day there just sleeping and being tended to. Both Pod and Ser Hyle had come to see him, but Brienne was still absent. He wondered how much damage he had done with his kiss. It would be in her character to think that he was mocking her. Or maybe she was just disgusted by the Kingslayer. He was not too pleased with himself, either. He had never kissed a woman other than Cersei before. Lust was one thing, for men were lusty creatures all would agree. It had not been done out of lust, which somehow made the betrayal worse. He had certainly wanted other women in his time, but he had never touched any of them. His kiss with Brienne had been different than anything he and Cersei had ever shared. They had made love quickly and slowly before, but always hungrily. They had known each other’s bodies perfectly, but he was starting to wonder if they had truly known each other. 

He shook his head. That wasn’t it either, for he knew his sister better than anyone. He had willfully ignored her flaws before, preferring to see her as perfect in every way. He had never questioned her actions or her love, had never realized that they connected best when they were fucking. The longer he was away from her, the harder it became to push her inner blemishes aside. She was beautiful and passionate, but also paranoid and cruel. 

In her youth, she would often sneak off to do dangerous things, pulling him along. What he had confused for daring, he now realized was recklessness. She had put her hand in the lion's cage and dared him to do the same. At the time he had felt a coward, now he felt a fool. Sometimes, when she spoke of being a lioness, it reminded him of Aerys’ delusions and he could not look at her. Her joyous expression as the Tower of the hand burned still haunted him. He took a sip of the water by his bed.

But while his siblings had pissed his love away, Brienne planned to make up for her betrayal. It was that feeling of assurance and companionship he had put into his kiss, but Brienne might have misunderstood. The need to set it right, filled him. He could not tell if he liked her or who he was when she was near, but it was inconsequential. With her, he was righteous again. Without her, he thought of trebuchets. 

Pod walked up to his bed shyly. The boy did everything shyly, but he seemed determined to spend time with Jaime. “Where is Hyle?” he asked the lad. Pod shrugged, but averted his gaze. “Is he with Lady Brienne?”

“They are fighting, ser.”

“Do they fight often?”

Pod nodded. Jaime mustered up some sympathy. He had few enough memories of his mother, but he remembered how his stomach churned when his parents had fought. “You were my brother’s squire, weren’t you?” he asked as if he couldn’t quite remember.

Pod nodded again. He could see why Brienne had taken to the boy. “Was he kind to you?” Pod assured him that Tyrion had always been kind. “I have a squire named Peck who is a little older than you. He is bedding with a washerwoman in the camp. If you come back with me, you could spar with him.”

“Ser…my lady often...”

“You must pick one, lad,” Jaime interrupted. “Stick with ser because you are like her squire, or my lady to reflect her sex. You may even make up a new title. My ler, perhaps, to combine the two, but do not use both.”

“Yes, ser,” he agreed wholeheartedly.

“Do not call her my ler, that was a jape.”

“Yes, ser.” _They share the same humor too _.__

 _ _“Did you drink with my brother?”__

 _ _

“Not really, ser.”

“Mores the pity. He is a formidable drunk. Were you with him the night of the king’s wedding?” Jaime wondered aloud.

“He did not poison the king, ser,” Jaime was impressed that the boy had gotten ahead of his questions. Pod’s face was set with stubbornness. “He was framed. I know he was. He would not kill the king.” Jaime did not have the heart to tell the boy otherwise. “He was innocent, my lord, that’s why he escaped. It was the gods.”

Jaime quirked a smile at that. “I do not think that it was the gods.” If Jaime were a god he would still have two hands and a whole family. The boy shuffled his feet. “Do you…do you know where he is, ser?”

_A bold question for a tentative child _. “No, I cannot say I do. I only know that he is not in Kingslanding. He most like took a boat to a foreign city with a large library full of boring books. I can just see him drinking himself sick with a whore in his lap and a tome on the table.” Jaime smiled before he remembered what his brother had done.__

 _ _“He left me,” the boy said sadly, looking for empathetic ear.__

 _ _

“Me as well, though he took my father with him,” Jaime muttered. _If ever there’s a tourney event in feeling sorry for myself, I might have a chance at another victory _. “Lounging in this bed all day my body will go to waste. Will you take me to the others?”__

 _ _Pod nodded and led him from the room out onto the grounds.__

 _ _  


Brienne lay on her pallet, unable to sleep. She did not know how to proceed. She had seen Jaime safe, and Lady Stoneheart was more or less taken care of. She should resume her quest for Sansa Stark with Pod. If she were lucky Ser Hyle would stay on the island and take a vow of silence. Where would she look? She had been on her way to the Vale at some point in her journey before she had heard of Arya, she could hardly remember anymore. The Vale made the most sense to her. Her aunt had ruled there before she died, and it was apart from the fight. She could take a boat there, though she had no money. At least she still had Oathkeeper.

The door to her cottage squeaked open, letting in rays of moonlight. She reached for her dagger, pulling it from its sheath. “Ser Hyle, I swore that if you came into my bedchamber, you would leave a eunuch.” 

“You do know how to woo a man, wench. It is only me. If you can not tell us apart, you might count our hands.”

“Jaime, what are you doing here?”

“Being threatened it would seem. Although I don't know what I expected.”

“Jaime, it’s the middle of the night. What are you _doing _here?” Brienne demanded.__

 _ _“Not so loud, wench. We will get into trouble with the brothers if we're caught.”__

 _ _

“You will be in trouble with me if you stay.” It came out harsher than she meant.

“You need not fear for your virtue. I’ve told you I’m not interested. One bland kiss did not make me a raper, I promise you.”

“I did not think you came here to…why are you here, Jaime.” She set the dagger down beside the bed.

“You have been avoiding me,” he accused.

“I spoke with you just today,” she feigned ignorance.

“With Hyle and Pod. In three days you have not come to visit me. Did I offend or frighten you?”

“No. I did not want to make the brothers uncomfortable by coming to you alone. They would misunderstand our friendship.”

“Well, that is why I’m here in the middle of the bloody night. No one need know or misunderstand.” He sat down on her pallet. She scooted away from him, her heart beating rapidly. “I thought you said you were not afraid.”

“I’m not,” she said stubbornly, “but this is improper.” The moonlight softened everything in the room, blurring the lines between objects.

“We’ve bathed together, but _this _your septa would find displeasing?” She could hear his smile in the dark. That too had been over her protest of impropriety.__

 _ _“My septa and my father and…” She could not bring herself to say it.__

 _ _

“A future husband? Hyle, perhaps? I promise you nothing untoward will happen I simply…I thought we should speak alone. I wished to clarify things.” He looked at her for an encouraging response and received none. “Perhaps this was a mistake.” He got up from her floor.

She had offended him with her suspicion. She caught his arm as he passed. “I know that it meant nothing to you. You were being kind, Jaime, and do not have to tell me gently.” _I’m sure you have kissed and been kissed a thousand times; it is nothing to you _. She swallowed nervously; glad that he could not see the redness of her face.__

 _ _“It was just… I am unsure of what I came to say; I just know that I needed to come. I was at a loss and I wanted to show you…It was a strange circumstance. You need not fear that I will pursue you, if that is your worry.”__

 _ _

“I have many worries, Jaime. That is not one of them. You needn’t be concerned.” Her worries were concentrated on finding Sansa Stark. Although she might feel some relief when they parted.

“I do not know what it meant exactly, Brienne, but I know that is was not nothing.” He took her overlarge hand from his shirt, kissed it, and escaped through the door.

__

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this doesn't feel too soon.  
> Thanks for comments and kudos and reading and everything!


	4. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime's visit has some repercussions. He does some soul searching.
> 
> long chapter. oops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of Jaime being in denial.

Jaime was speaking to Pod, sharing stories of his drunken brother. He had completely missed out on Tyrion’s reign as Hand of the King. He had heard several stories on the road and from Cersei’s point of view, but Pod was telling him more interesting and personal tales. It was obvious that the boy had a great affection for Tyrion, and it was nice to speak to someone else who held some fond memories. They might have been the only two in Westeros who had ever cared for him.

“What about the infamous Sansa Stark?” Pod reminded him more of Brienne by the moment, especially when he flushed at the girl’s name.

“She was his lady wife. They took meals together, but they did not…if that is what you mean.”

“They were not close?”

“No, I heard talk of other women, my lord, but I still hope that maybe…”

“Maybe what?” Jaime prodded, losing patience.

“I might find them together.”

“It’s unlikely.” _Bloody impossible. I was the one who aided his escape and Sansa was long gone. _“You should be careful with such talk.”__

“Yes, ser.”

“And was the Stark girl pretty at least? I had not seen her for many years.” It was not the question that he wanted to ask, but he got his answer all the same.

The boy’s ears burned. “Yes, my lords wife was very pretty.” Maybe Brienne would not have another suitor. 

As Jaime was enjoying his victory, Hyle Hunt came into the room. “Greetings, Pod. Did you have a good night, Kingslayer?”

“I’ve certainly had worse.”

“You rested well then, did you?” Hyle asked with a smile.

Jaime sighed. “Say what you will or be silent. It makes little difference to me.”

“I heard a rumor this morning spreading around the isle like wildfire.”

“And here I thought women were the gossips.”

“I heard that you went into the room of our Lady of Tarth last night.” Pod’s eyes went wide at the accusation.

“You heard? Were you spying on me or her?” Jaime asked knowingly.

“Contrary to your belief, not everyone cares what you do, Kingslayer. ” _If only that were true._ “I wasn’t spying on anyone. If anything, you are the one who needs to explain himself.” 

“I was not there long nor did I touch her, let alone take her maidenhead. If I had, I would have taken much longer. You must give me that much credit, at least.” Jaime felt an argument of his duties would be less than convincing, considering his history.

“I don’t see that I do.”

“Sers,” Pod interrupted, feeling the tension build in the room.

“I don’t see why you care much either way. You want Tarth, not her.”

“I do care for the woman, ser, as much as it might pain you to admit. And should she accept me, I have no wish raise another man’s child.”

Robert had raised his children. Did he think himself above a king? “Though she has spent much time in my virile presence, the Maid of Tarth is still a maid. That does not mean she will marry you.” 

“That’s not your concern.” Hyle shrugged his shoulders and allowed Pod to lead him from the room.

Jaime was angered by Ser Hyle’s attempt at chivalry, but he also feared what would happen if such news reached outside the Isle. He would have to be more careful for Brienne’s sake. Her prospects were bad enough already. That was assuming that she lived long enough to marry at all.

He lay back on his bed thinking of what he was to do. He had told his men to wait for him for three days and start moving if he was not back. They would be far ahead of him, probably ransacking one village after another without him there to threaten them. He would never catch the camp on foot, no matter how slow the procession. Perhaps he could buy horses with what remained of his golden hand, but to what end? He would return to Kingslanding and its politics and be asked to inspect walls and taste porridge. Kevan might give him better duties than Cersei to be sure, but he would still be in those walls. The stones were red with blood and every hall held a painful memory.

Then there was Cersei. There was always Cersei. She had sent him a letter asking for his protection, but he could not defend her now. If anything, her letter told him how far out of touch with reality she truly was. Part of him wished that he had not thrown it in the fire. It made little difference anyway. Her words echoed in his mind. 

He had been on a quest for honor, an ethereal thing to search for, but Sansa Stark was concrete enough. Jaime had always lived by his own code, but it didn’t seem good enough for the rest of Westeros. No one asked if he wanted to be Lord Commander, just like no one asked if he wanted to ride out and intimidate their enemies. He _wanted_ to go with her. He wanted to rescue the girl. Since he had sent Brienne on the quest, it only seemed right that he should help her complete it. Although, when he returned to the city he would not be able to record his deeds in the damn book for the shame of it. He would be shunning his duties and ignoring his king. 

He banged his hand down on the table beside the bed.

  


The next day Brienne another familiar visitor, but in the daylight hours. The Elder Brother paused at the entrance to her room.

“It is good to see you alive, my lady.”

“You as well. I expected to see you sooner.”

“There was…we need not speak of it. It was dealt with and I have returned. I am glad the brothers admitted you in my absence.”

“I was injured.”

“You _are_ injured, my lady. Would you like me to look at your ribs as well?” 

Brienne rested her fingers on her side. “How did you know?” she asked self-consciously, wondering if her awkward gait had developed into something even worse in her pain.

“The Kingslayer. Though how he knew when Hyle and the boy did not…”

“He has a keen eye, but I am healing fine. Did you come just to check on me?”

He took a seat in one of her chairs. “Alas, I had a more delicate topic in mind. It pertains to my query. I have heard tales of men visiting you in the night. I would assume that they refer to Ser Hyle and the Kingslayer.”

“You have heard wrong,” Brienne muttered with as much conviction as she could stomach. 

“Not much happens on this Isle that I do not know of.”

“Then you should know that I only had one visitor, and I cast him out as soon as he came.” The Elder brother smiled gently at her wording. “That is not…Please let us remain, we could use the time to recover.”

“You need to go home, my lady. There is less of you than I remember.” He motioned to her cheek.

“I know your feelings on the matter.” She looked down at her hands.

“And I know yours, but I am older and wiser. I am also weary of a man like the Kingslayer visiting you in the night.”

“Please,” she said, “his name is Jaime.”

The Elder Brother inclined his head. “The next time you may not turn Ser Jaime away so easily.”

She shook her head at the implication. “He is not my concern. But is there no way you can force Ser Hyle into a vow of silence?”

He smiled. “Or celibacy? I’m afraid not. I am here because the brothers are concerned about a lady loosing her virtue on the Isle.”

“There is no risk to me. I have my dagger. You need not worry.”

“They are not merely worried about you being forced, my lady. I’m afraid that they do not understand a woman warrior who acts like a man.”

“They are worried that I…I would never.”

He smiled sadly. “I know it is unfair to place that judgment on you. I tried to convince them, but they are adamant that you depart. I read it from their faces, and though some of my order only speak one day of seven, they have spoke of nothing but you. I assume your other wounds have been seen to?” She nodded. “I have seen to the K… to Ser Jaime personally. He is an odd assortment of bitterness and japes. The sort of man you would do well to avoid.”

“He is a good man,” she insisted stubbornly.

“So you told me on your first visit.”

She grimaced, remembering the way that she had broken down and told the man everything. “I…we were taken by hangmen in the forest and Jaime saved us.”

He ignored her. “Do you understand why the brothers are uncomfortable?”

She nodded. “I said as much.”

“You will leave tomorrow morning. Just be cautious. A woman’s reputation is a fragile thing.”

“I already have a strange reputation. I do not fear for it.”

“But so far it is a pure one. Not many will take a woman who can best him with a sword _and _has lost her virtue. Go home, my lady.” With that, her left her.__

 _ _They departed from the Isle with more items than they brought to it. Brienne had decided to head North. The Vale seemed like the most likely spot that Sansa had left. She had yet to speak to Jaime and Hyle Hunt of her decision for she had been so aggravated the previous day. Once they stepped on the ferry Brienne was forced to converse.__

 _ _

“Where are you headed, wench?” Jaime asked, irritably. She suspected he was only angry at her for being angry with him.

“The Vale. And you, ser?”

He hesitated. “I should be heading back to Kingslanding so I do not further soil my white cloak with rescued maidens.” Brienne nodded her approval, which only worsened his mood. 

“The Elder Brother ran into trouble in these parts on his return. There maybe outlaws nearby,” Hyle warned Jaime. He had warmed to the man, having heard that he would soon be rid of him.

“Outlaws and corpses seem to be the only thing we have in abundance. This winter will be a brutal one.”

“Do not say such things. You will upset Pod,” Brienne scolded, placing a hand on the boys shoulder.

“If I hadn’t personally ensured your virtue on numerous occasions, I would swear you were the boy’s mother.”

“Ser is very kind, but she taught me to fight good too,” Pod defended her. Brienne caught herself before correcting his grammar.

Jaime raised his eyebrows. “Then you should feel lucky. She is one of the best swordsmen in the seven kingdoms. She has won a tourney and a place in Renly’s guard. Did she tell you that we fought once before I lost my hand?” Pod’s eyes grew wide in awe. “She disarmed me and then almost drowned me, shouting yield all the while.”

“Swept off your feet, were you?” Hyle laughed.

“You did not mention that you were in chains at the time.” Brienne could not help but feel awe at the memory. “He had manacles on and had spent a year in captivity. It was the only way that I could have beaten him. Even them he was fearsome to behold.” She told Pod. Jaime clearly enjoyed her praise. She was used to his mocking grins, but an actual smile was a rare gift.

“Did you yield to her?” Pod asked Jaime breathlessly.

“Never. I spat water in her face. I might have even gotten the upper hand again if we were not interrupted,” he looked at Brienne. She did not contradict his outlandish lie. “It was an impressive display fueled by righteous anger on both sides. I’m glad I had that last fight with such a worthy opponent.” Pod was watching him in wonder. 

“I’m sure you will have such a fight again, ser,” Brienne reassured him.

“Why were you fighting?” Pod asked.

“She would not trust me,” Jaime remembered with a laugh, “and I became so angry that I grabbed my dead cousin’s sword and slashed at her without warning. It was not very chivalrous of me.”

“He was my prisoner,” she clarified. “He kept asking to be released and armed. You meant to kill me,” she reminded.

“I did,” he agreed. “How things have changed.” _How you have changed._

 _ _“You tried to kill her?” Pod asked worriedly.__

 _ _

“We were on opposite sides of the war,” Brienne explained. “Although I was charged with protecting him at the time.”

“Aren’t we still on opposite sides of the war?” Jaime asked. 

“I take no side.”

“A dangerous claim, my lady. Those who choose no side have no friends,” Hyle pointed out.

“Need I remind you that you are now a hedge knight, ser.”

“I’m not of noble birth. I’m well and truly fucked whatever side I choose.”

“You can always join our cause if you get lonely, my lady,” Jaime offered.

Brienne thought of Renly and Lady Catlyn. “If I joined you, ser, you would surely loose.” Jaime laughed.

“The war is all but over anyway,” Hyle claimed. 

“My father’s death makes that less certain. If anyone could have brought peace, it was him. I would bet anything that Stannis has other plans.”

The mention of more fighting yet to come brought sobriety back to the group.

Brienne felt panic upon reaching the Saltpans. She did not want Jaime to leave her. How could she say goodbye to him? The last time he had pushed her out in anger, but now…

“You look unhappy, my lady,” Jaime mentioned so only she heard. She could feel his breath on her neck.

“I…we have but few provisions for the journey,” she mumbled unconvincingly.

“But you are taking the best part of me with you,” he murmured with a mocking grin. She clutched the bag that held the rest of his golden hand. 

_That is not the best part of you _, she wanted to say. “We may need to chop off more of it if you cannot find a ship that goes all the way to Kingslanding.”__

 _ _“We shall see.”__

 _ _

They made their way to the docks taking in the obvious wreckage. What little people there were eyed them with fear.

“I told you that these people were untrusting,” Hyle maintained.

“They are wise to be, much like our Maid of Tarth,” Jaime admonished. It was a small thing, but given their recent experiences she was surprised to hear him say it.

The docks were not as crowded as they used to be. The captains were happy enough for a paying passenger, let alone a passenger who paid in gold. Jaime had lied about his name to avoid undue attention. The charade was useless.

“There were rumors of your death, ser,” the captain said, taking in his missing hand and golden hair.

“Exaggerated, as rumors are.”

“Not all of them,” he motioned to the devastation of the Saltpans.

“Not all of them,” he agreed.

“We’ll be glad to have you on board, but you best keep to yourself. I don’t want any trouble.”

“Neither do I,” Jaime assured him. Brienne and the captain shared the same opinion of his statement.

“We take off in two days time. You can stay on the ship if you like. I’ll take the money now.”

“I’ll stay off the ship until I have to subject myself to it, and I’ll pay you when we’re underway.”

“Fair enough, but if I get another offer what pays, you might be out a ship.”

Jaime looked around the docks, pointedly. “I like my chances.”

As they walked away Pod engaged Jaime. “Do you not like ships, ser?”

“No. They are cramped and smell of shit and vomit. I prefer to travel by horse, but it would be unsafe for me to be on the roads alone.” Brienne could tell that his pride was stung. 

“But you are the queen’s brother and the commander of the Kingsguard. You would be safe.”

“Do you forget your run in with Lady Stoneheart so easily?”

Pod opened his mouth to speak, but Brienne cut him off. She did not like where the conversation was headed. “He is wounded from saving us and needs more rest before he could brave the roads again. We should see him to an inn before looking for horses ourselves.”

They went to the only inn left standing. Hyle led them through the door and to the owner. “You’ll remember us from less than a fortnight ago. We overpaid. It was enough for two nights and food in this place.”

“I can’t say as I remember,” the woman challenged. 

“We paid in gold in the shape of a thumb,” Hyle reminded angrily. The woman shrugged.

“Let’s pay,” Brienne said, tired of fighting for every scrap with people who were starving. “But you will give us more provisions and any horses you have,” she cautioned. The woman looked like she wanted to argue, but agreed.

“We’re being robbed,” Hyle scowled as Brienne handed over another bit of gold.

“ _I’m _being robbed,” Jaime reminded grouchily.__

 _ _“I have two horses out back. One of them is worth another gold piece at least. A little girl sold her to me a while back. I paid her well.”__

 _ _

“I’m sure,” Jaime mocked the woman. 

“What are their names?”

“This one is Boar,” she indicated the horse in poor condition. “This one, I didn’t ask and she didn’t say. The girl was in a hurry. I supposed she wanted to catch a ship.” Brienne remembered the elder Brothers words. “She was on her own?”

“Aye.”

“Was she a highborn girl of ten? Dark hair and eyes.”

“This girl was no highborn, my lady, though she tried to say she was.”

Arya Stark had not acted like a highborn girl for quite some time. “Do you know what ship she caught?”

“I didn’t ask. I could have been anything. Ships come and go. Maidenpool. Kingslanding. Bravos.”

“Thank you.”

“Let it go.” Jaime advised. “If Arya Stark has survived on her own this long, she is probably better off where she is.”

“She could be starving on the streets,” Brienne insisted.

“There’s no reasoning with you is there? I only ask that you find Sansa first before you go sailing off to Bravos in a fit of honor.” Jaime shook his head in disgust, but she thought she detected a smile playing on his lips. 

As the woman left them in the stables, Brienne realized that the deal was struck and they were done. It would be folly to stay another day at Saltpans when there was still so much daylight left. It would be all too obvious that she didn’t want to leave. 

“We should get on the road,” Hyle pulled gently on her arm.

“You are not coming with us, ser,” Brienne stated callously. She had made the decision on the Isle. She did not trust him, and he did not share her intention with Lady Sansa.

Hyle might have looked hurt, if Brienne thought him capable of it. “You are turning me away?”

“I am.”

“I do not recall it being your decision.”

“I can make sure that you do not follow us, ser, but I would rather not resort to it.”

“Will you fight me?” he asked bemused. “I may not have your strength, but I think I have more skill with a blade.”

“I would like to see that,” Jaime interjected. They ignored him.

“See reason, Hyle. I have heard your proposal, and I will think on it. In truth, I do not have many options. If you want Tarth, you will not follow us. I will not ransom Sansa either way.” It was a speech she had practiced on the Isle.

“I am not as heartless as you think me, Brienne. Another sword could be useful to you. Give me food and shelter and I would see you safely to Lady Sansa.”

“I can not trust you, ser.” To Brienne’s relief, Jaime did not offer his opinion.

“Do not tell me this is about Renly’s camp.”

Brienne shook her head. “Not only that. I do not want to be responsible for you. This is where we part ways.”

“You would leave me here? I have nothing but the shirt on my back. What am I to do?”

“We will leave you supplies. I believe you are capable of handling yourself from there.”

“And what if I want you and not Tarth.” Hyle asked, taking her hand.

“We both know that you do not. I have appreciated your honesty thus far. If you start lying to me, I will refuse you outright and never think of it again.” 

Hyle heaved a heavy sigh before smiling halfheartedly. “I can see there is no victory here. As you wish, Brienne, but you are making a mistake.” She pulled her hand away before he could kiss it. 

“Perhaps,” she allowed. “You will not follow us?”

“On my honor,” he swore with a smile.

“Then thank you, Hyle. I wish you well.”

She faced Pod. “Are you ready? Assuming you want to stay with me. It might be safer here,” she added.

“Oh, yes, my ser,” Pod forgot himself in his exuberance and glanced at Jaime.

“Then we should be going,” Brienne stated as they stood around each other.

Hyle and Pod clasped arms. “Do not let her mother you too much, Pod. You are as capable a squire as I’ve seen.”

“No, ser,” Pod agreed, looking like he might say more. They stepped away. 

Jaime clapped the boy on the shoulder. “It was good to meet you, Pod. Take care of her. I shall hold you personally responsible if she is not safely returned to us.”

Brienne sighed as Pod nodded solemnly. “Do not tease the boy, Jaime.”

“What will I do when you are not there to order me about, wench?” 

She swallowed and wished that she had the mind to keep up with him. Instead, she fell silent at the prospect. She did not want to part, and she could not tell him so, especially in front of everyone. 

“Clearly your tongue has tired of insulting me and wishes for a rest. Perhaps it’s good that we are parting. I would get bored if you ever agreed with me.”

She felt too much to be able to decipher any of it. “Thank you, ser,” she eked out. It did not even make sense.

He put a hand upon her shoulder. Her heart pounded so loudly she could hardly hear him speak. For a moment, she thought that he might kiss her again. “Take care, Brienne.” He dropped his eyes. “And watch after the boy. I do not need the blood of another child on my hands. Now, you best get out of here before our shrewd innkeeper thinks to charge you for the air you breath.”

Feeling largely unsatisfied, Brienne muttered her farewells to Hyle and left the inn behind her.

  


Unlike Brienne, Hyle was in no hurry to leave. He stayed with Jaime through supper and shared his room at night. He spoke of his life before and tales he’d hear on the road. Jaime answered him with mindless chatter, the kind on which Ser Hyle thrived. 

To escape him, Jaime left the inn the next morning and wandered around what was left of Saltpans. Cramped in the ship Jaime would be unable to walk for days on end. Cells came in many varieties, and he had had his fill of all of them. The Tully’s dungeon, his oaths in the Kingsguard, the social constraints for noblemen, and now the tight quarters of a ship. Jaime longed to be free from his tethers. As he wandered, he spent most of his time near the river, watched the water pass by. It reminded him of his childhood at Casterly Rock. He thought of jumping off the cliffs into the sea with Cersei. She had been manic afterward. Her beauty increased tenfold when she was happy. Not that she had been happy in last fifteen years. He’d seen her smile at the birth of her children and sometimes at the sight of him, but never like she had smiled at being engaged to the prince. When her engagement fell through something inside his sister had broken and never come back. They had been children together, and they had been broken together. Jaime wanted to heal.

He went back to the inn when he was hungry. 

“…and we haven’t seen the man since,” the old man finished.

“A frightening tale.” 

The man nodded. “And it ain’t no safer here.” He scowled at the innkeep 

“Did someone disappear?” Jaime inquired, sitting next to Hyle.

“This man was just telling me about the horrid bandits in these parts.”

“We know a thing or two about them. The hound that ravaged here is dead, though a man must still watch his neck. We encountered Lady Stoneheart, and she is aptly named.”

“This was something else. A monster vile just to look at. So pale you could see the veins in his skin. He came in here not long ago and I near shit myself,” He concentrated his attention on Hyle.

“He left you alive?” 

“Aye, but that woman used to have a husband who was kind as she is cold. He killed him right in front of me. I ran for my life.”

Jaime had his doubts. “A sad tale. What did he want?” _There are more outlaws around here than trees in the forest._

 _ _“A meal and some information. I was sure you’d be interested, ser, that’s why I brought it up.” The man looked at Hyle expectantly.__

 _ _

“We don’t have anymore money to give you.” Jaime had already lost what interest he had had in the conversation.

“We were robbed. We have nothing but the clothes on our back and the extra gold that wench stole from us,” Hyle explained.

The man nodded. “I’ll share with you anyway because I’m not cold-hearted, but maybe you can find me here if you come this way again. I’ve heard a thing or two about the Lannisters.”

“We’re a common topic of conversation among far less interesting people,” Jaime sighed. Why did he bother trying to hide is identity? “Tell us what you know or find another table to swindle.”

“It seems the monster fell in love and is looking for a maiden. A specific one, mind. A huge beast of a woman as ugly as my arse. I heard tell from her that you might know such a lady,” the old man indicated the innkeeper.

“Is this true?” Jaime turned on her.

“Maybe it is and maybe its not. I weren’t here at the time.” 

“What would he want with Brienne?” Hyle asked Jaime.

Jaime ignored him. _Pale and cruel. _“Was the man called Urswyck?”__

 _ _“Could be. I didn’t ask.”__

 _ _

“You know him?” Hyle persisted. 

“We’ve met.” Jaime’s brain was racing. Brienne could beat Urswyck is she were unharmed, of that he had no doubt. Pod was with her as well. She would most like have been fine. All the same she needed to know. “Does he run alone?”

“No, he’s got some men with him.”

“How many?”

“I don’t know.”

“When was he here?”

The man shrugged. “Last time was a moon’s turn maybe. He was headed North.”

“I should go. I need to warn her,” Jaime turned to Hyle.

“I’ll join you.”

“It doesn’t require two people.”

“Then I’ll go alone. You stay and catch your ship. I’ll ride after her and play the hero,” Hyle offered.

“No,” Jaime rejected the idea instinctively. “Take my spot on the boat,” he handed the other man the gold. “She told you to stay away. She meant it.”

Jaime hadn’t thought about what to do when he reached them or how he would get back to Kingslanding. Hyle had been right in that Jaime need not have gone at all. It was a way to escape a trip by ship and put off confrontation with Cersei and his uncle. 

Hyle weighed his options. “What am I to do in Kingslanding?”

“Join the watch. Find a whore. Or just take the gold and buy another horse. I care not.”

“I’m not sure I trust your intentions with the lady, Kingslayer. I think I should go in your stead.”

“You have no sword and nothing to fear from me. Believe me, ser, I would not ruin her chances at a better match.”

“You must actually love the lady.”

Jaime glowered at him. “I admit I care more for her than you, but then so does Urswyck. She deserves better than a man who only takes pleasure from her title.”

“Someone like you, perhaps?” Hyle guessed pityingly. “A man who can't even die properly? "

“Enough! Hold your tongue, I pray you, or I will cut it out and give it to Brienne as a wedding gift.”

“I do not think you would, Kingslayer. Your name and reputation are fearsome, but I do not see it in you.”

Jaime laughed. “I never make threats that I do not intend to carry out.”

“It is not your _intention _that I doubt,” Hyle smirked.__

 _ _The slight cut him more than he would admit. If he had his golden hand he would have cracked that man’s skull open. As it was, he ground his teeth and remembered Brienne’s words about being a better man. “That was a jape, ser, not a true threat. If I threaten you, you will have no doubts, just ask Edmure Tully.” His uncle had thought that he was threatening him too. Perhaps it was something in his manner.__

 _ _

“I could, but that’s a long journey for an answer I don't care about.”

“Do you care for anything?”

“This from the Kingslayer, who breaks oaths like he’s breaking wind?”

“This from the man who would sooner see you dead than married.”

“I am not a monster, Kingslayer. Purpose is what I want. I want a quiet life with land to run and a wife to squirt out children, just like any other man. Brienne can give me all those things. Marriage is hardly ever a romantic arrangement. I don’t see why you hold it against me.”

Jaime knew that, but he had seen first hand what a loveless marriage had done to Cersei, despite having Jaime at her side. She had never been kind and loving, but she had been happy once. “She told me of your bet, ser. I do not think she will forgive you.”

“I think she already has, but will not admit it to herself. She has a certain fondness for me. I saw it at Renly’s camp, and I see it still.”

“I will leave you to your delusions then.”

“My delusions? Why are you going to her, Kingslayer?” That was the question that Jaime was not asking himself. “You want her. You think you can ride to her and she will grab your hands, excuse me, hand and give you a grateful kiss. I am not the one with delusions.”

“I think I know enough about the way of the world.”

“Do you actually love her?” Hyle asked with amusement in his eyes.

“I have only ever loved one woman, and she is nothing like Brienne of Tarth.”

“As you will. This is a lot of trouble for a woman you do not plan on bedding.”

_If I killed you here, would anyone grieve?_ “I must leave now if I hope to meet them before nightfall. Enjoy the ship.”

He rode off on the horse his hand had bought. He ruminated on what luck his golden hand had been. If he’d had both his hands they would have been stuck in the Quiet Isle for the foreseeable future with no way to travel. Though most like, Cersei would never have sent him here if she did not despise the sight of his stump.

He pushed the animal as fast as it was capable of going, but it was not enough to catch up to Brienne and Pod. Near dark, he came across a fire off the road and stopped. Brienne would have urged him to continue on, but he was tired of caution. He found three men sitting around their fire. One of the men appeared to be a hedge night while the others might have been father and son. 

“Might I share your fire?” Jaime asked from just outside the circle of light. They eyed him suspiciously. 

“These are dangerous times,” the armed man claimed, looking him up and down. 

“Precisely. I’m just a poor cripple looking for a little extra protection. Surely there is more safety in larger numbers.”

The father addressed him with some sympathy. “Come. Warm yourself.”

“If you’re just a cripple, why do you carry a sword?” the hedge knight asked.

“I often ask myself the same question, but as you said yourself these are dangerous times. A man with a sword is safer for it, whether he can wield it or not.”

“Most men avoid the roads these days. What’s your business?”

Jaime should have thought of that before he approached them. “I am looking for someone. We were separated. What of you?” It was a common enough tale.

“My daughter,” the father burst forth. “An army camp came through and we have not seen my daughter since.”

Jaime frowned at the man. “And you are looking for her here?” The area they were headed toward had been apart from the fighting.

“Aye. She had red hair and was three and ten. Have you seen her, ser?”

“No, I’m sorry to say.” _With this many people searching for Sansa Stark it will be a miracle if Brienne finds her first._

“Who is it that you’re looking for?” 

“My wife and son. She’s a tall woman. If you came across her you would remember.”

“She run off with him?”

“Aye,” Jaime said reading his audience. The man he had taken for a son had yet to speak, but there was malice in his eyes. “She fucked an innkeeper and ran scared with our boy.” He almost smiled at the idea of Brienne fucking anyone. He couldn’t picture her desperately shedding clothes with groping fingers. With Brienne, it would have to be slow and tender. They’d have to ease into it. He’d have to show…Jaime shook his head to stop his thoughts from progressing. The older two men were expressing sympathy. “I wouldn’t care except my cooking isn’t worth the time it takes to shit.”

“Just like a woman. My wife took a shining to the butcher. I slammed her head so hard she lost an eye; it did a world of good I’ll tell you. You should teach her a lesson when you find her.” Jaime felt a surge of protectiveness for his fictional wife, remembering the whimpers of Aerys’ queen.

“I plan to teach her a thing or two.” He left the men before they had truly awoken. The one who beat his wife had stirred in his sleep as Jaime walked Boar from the camp. If he killed that one now, how many lives would he save? His sword remained in its sheath. If these men were searching for Sansa Stark, he needed to find Brienne quickly.

__

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this problem where I feel like a huge part of Jaime's self-identity comes from loving Cersei so loving Brienne is like an identity crisis for him. Idk.
> 
> And sorry for the housekeeping.
> 
> As ever, thanks you for comments and kudos and just generally being awesome.


	5. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime catches up. Jaime and Brienne compare scars, more or less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter than usual

“Is there someone following us, ser?” 

“No,” Brienne shook her head.

“I only ask because you keep looking back there, ser.”

“I thought I heard something. There are many threats in these woods.” It was no lie, but a part of her was hopeful of something else.

Without Jaime and Ser Hyle, the way was mostly silent. She looked over at Pod. His speech had improved slightly, and his swordsmanship was progressing well. They had not had the chance to fight in weeks. Brienne had worked him hard the previous night to make up for it. They had stopped before dark so they could find two sticks that would do. He was so young that she feared his skill level would decline quickly, but he had impressed her with his quickness. They took their play swords with them the next morning in case they could no find suitable replacements.

Pod chewed his lip. “Can I ask you a question, ser?”

“Of course,” Brienne replied without hesitation.

“Are you going to marry Ser Hyle?”

Brienne suppressed a groan but answered calmly. “I am going to find Lady Sansa, of that I am certain. I have not thought beyond finding the girl.”

“But you sent him away.”

“I know you were fond of him, but he is not a proper knight,” Brienne explained. 

Pod said nothing more on the subject and Brienne was happy to let it drop. She was back where she belonged. She and Pod rode their new horse together for a while to gain some distance. Then they took turns walking and giving the horse a rest. 

“She needs a name,” Brienne said rubbing the horse’s neck. “Would you like to name her?”

Pod’s face lit up. “Yes, ser.” He thought for a moment and then looked at Brienne. “It should be something fitting for you, my lady.”

“I leave it to you. You can name her anything you like.” _As long as it has naught to do with Hyle Hunt_. 

The boy pursed his lips, pondering the matter for some time. “I…I would name her Beauty, ser.”

Brienne was glad that he did not see her flinch. _Brienne the Beauty._ She had heard enough of the word to last her three lifetimes. She gathered herself and thought of the many times Pod had been left and rejected in his life. He was not trying to be cruel for it was not in his nature to taunt her. Hyle was right; the boy needed confidence. “A fine name for such a pretty animal.” 

“I named her for Lady Sansa and…and you, ser.”

“That was kind of you. I’m sure when we find her, she will appreciate it too.” 

The next day, while Pod was riding Beauty, Pod heard hooves coming quickly upon them from behind. Sending Pod and Beauty deep into the surrounding woods, she unsheathed her sword in preparation and hid as best she could. It was probably a simple man racing home to his wife, but Brienne did not intend to be taken again.

The man did not slow as he approached. When she saw his face she felt a wave of joy wash over her. She ran from her hiding spot and onto the road. “Jaime,” she called to him. 

“There you are, wench. I’ve been riding for days,” he said with a tinge of accusation. He looked magnificent even riding such a horrid animal.

“What…what are you doing here?” How simple she must sound. She closed her gaping mouth so she did not look quite so foolish and awaited his mocking response.

“Must you always greet me so graciously?” She could see the mix of annoyance and jest in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, ser. It is good to see you.” At a different time, he might have told her that he wished he could say the same, but not anymore.

“And you, my lady. Where is the boy?” He brought his horse to a complete standstill.

“In the woods, hiding.” She noticed that Jaime was alone. “Where is Ser Hyle?”

“On his way to Kingslanding, I imagine, since he lacks a horse. But then whether _this _,” he indicated his mount as he slid off of it, “constitutes a horse is rather debatable.” Brienne placed a hand on the animals nose in sympathy.__

 _ _“Did you…?” _Do you plan to come with me?_ __

__

“Yes,” he interrupted her. “I abandoned my duties. But if you could hold your disapproval, I did have reason. I had word that Urswyck was in this area and looking for a certain wench.”

She glanced up at this. “Why would he look for _me_?” 

“You must ask him when he finds you.”

“No, that can’t be right. The other three said that he was riding for Oldtown. They’d no reason to lie.”

Jaime shrugged. “Who am I to question the reliability of such sources? Maybe he heard you were in the area and thought you owed him a rape. Maybe he has a twin as well. Either way, I thought that you should be aware. Urswyck or not, someone was looking for you.”

“You should not have come. These words are filled with outlaws that look for men traveling alone. It was a stupid risk, ser.”

“I think what you meant to say was thank you.”

Pod had deemed it appropriate to leave the woods. “Ser Jaime?” he called excitedly. “What are you doing here?”

“You’ve trained him well, I see,” he muttered to Brienne. “Someone was looking to harm Lady Brienne so I rode out to warn you.”

“Are you staying?”

Jaime looked to Brienne and back to Pod. “I don’t have much choice in the matter. The roads are dangerous for a man alone. I only risked them once for the two of you.”

“The king will miss you, ser,” Brienne stated her displeasure.

“The king is eight and will not so much as notice my absence as long he’s allowed to play with his seal.”

Brienne felt a rush of fondness for the boy even though they had never met. “I doubt that. I’m sure he feels safer in your presence.”

“No one feels safer in my presence anymore, my lady.” Jaime stated. _I do, Brienne thought_. “I shall hardly be missed in Kingslanding, and another sword here might prove useful should you be overrun.” Brienne accepted him without further argument.

Pod fully extracted Beauty from the trees, and they went on their way.

“How is your shoulder, ser?” Brienne inquired. She looked up at him from the ground as Pod rode in front of them. 

“Healing nicely. The Elder Brother has a special gift. Did he treat you?”

“We spoke, but I had no need of him.”

“You still wear a bandage on your cheek,” Jaime mentioned gently.

“I…it is almost healed,” Brienne avoided his gaze, and they traveled on quietly.

When they stopped for camp that night Jaime pursued the issue. “May I have a look?”

“It’s fine,” Brienne resisted his touch.

“Have you let Pod look?”

“No.”

“Then you must have grown another eye that allows you to see it.”

She narrowed the eyes she had. “I have not seen it.”

“Then perhaps I should help you judge the damage.” Jaime raised his eyebrows at her in question. Still , she might have refused him until he muttered, “Think of the boy.” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Pod watching the exchange curiously. The last thing she needed was the boy refusing medical attention because of her example. She consented to Jaime’s examination. 

“You were right, Brienne. It is almost completely healed. Do you agree, Pod?” He nodded. “I think you can leave the bandage off, my lady. At this point, it’s introducing more filth than it’s keeping out.”

“I would leave it on,” she said alarmed, clutching the cloth back to her cheek.

“It’s no longer a help, my lady.” His tone was gentle once more.

“Even so.”

Jaime frowned at her, searching her face with his keen, green eyes. “Pod, would you take care of the horses. That is your duty, is it not?”

Pod jumped to his feet and proceeded to do his job.

“He usually gets right to them,” Brienne said defensively, hoping that Jaime would leap into a conversation about how she mothered Pod.

“Why will you not remove your bandage?” He remained frustratingly on point.

“It is not completely healed,” she lied.

“It is not clean anymore, Brienne. A dirty bandage is of little use.”

“It is of some use.”

“It hides the scar?” Jaime ventured. She hated that he knew her so well. “I felt the same about my stump at first.”

“You wear a golden hand,” she pointed out almost irritably.

“I am not wearing it now.” He shoved his stump in front of her face. “Go ahead. Have a look.”

Brienne did as he bid and took his stump in her hands. The flap of skin was sown over his wrist so that the end was smooth, but there was a mass of tissue where it met his arm. Jaime looked slightly self-conscious as she examined him, as if he regretted having shown her. In a rush of empathy, she brought his wrist to her mouth and kissed it. They both grew still. Brienne did not know what had possessed her. Clearly, neither did Jaime.

Brienne could feel the heat flooding to her face. “I…I’m sorry,” she whispered, letting go of his forearm. “That was…”

“Nonsense. You are not the first woman to succumb to a war wound.” He rested his arm back on his knee where it was safe from her impetuous reach. “You should remove your bandage so that I may repay the favor.” His hand drifted to her cheek again, but she pushed it away. He met her eyes, confused and agitated at her lack of cooperation.

“You do not understand!” she dismissed him. “How could you? You are still…but I have always been ugly, ser. Hardly anyone could stand to look at me before, and now…I am mutilated by a monster.” The unfairness of it choked her. She stared at her worn boots, knowing that she had won her argument.

“Brienne…” he started, but could not finish. Seeing Jaime at a loss was a terrible blow. 

She turned from him. “I’m very tired. Wake me when it is my turn for the watch.” 

“You promised to spar with Pod,” he reminded her.

“One night will not harm him. I am sure he is sore from yesterday.” 

“You have not eaten.”

“I am not hungry.”

“Brienne,” he growled angrily. “Do not be defeated so easily. That is not the wench I know.”

“I am not defeated!" she balked at his assessment. "It's simply none of your concern.” She found a spot on the ground and lay on her side, facing away from him.

“None of...I thought us friends, my lady. It is unjust to lecture me and then become angry when I reciprocate.” She was too upset to reply. “You have to brave the world as you are and trust those nearest to you to see _you _and not your defects. Like you have done for me. If you let it get to you, that bastard will have won.”__

 _ _Brienne checked that Pod was still busy with the horses before facing him again. “Leave it alone, Jaime.” She needed to hide a while longer.__

 _ _

“You should bare that mark with pride. You defended the helpless knowing that you would likely die in the attempt. That scar should serve as a reminder of your good deed. It is a _testament _to you, Brienne.” To him. To her, it was reminder of the terror and distance she felt while being eaten. A reminder of Biter’s weight pushing her further into the mud. A reminder of what it was to lose. Jaime tried again more lightly. “I have seen your scar, my lady, and you look no worse for it. I find you…”__

 _ _“Yours is not the only opinion that matters. It’s my decision, Jaime,” she growled. It was unfair of someone so beautiful to judge her for her actions. Brienne closed her eyes and pretended to sleep, feeling Biter’s teeth.__

 _ _

When Pod finished his chore, he told Jaime, “I have seen to Boar and Beauty. What's wrong with ser?”

“She is exhausted and healing from her wounds. I know it does not seem that way to you, but she is still very young.”

“Ser is very tough,” Pod stated.

“You named her horse Beauty?”

“Yes ser, after my lady and Lady Sansa.”

“Why after Lady Brienne?”

Pod didn’t answer at first.

“I mean no disrespect, I’m simply curious as to why you named a gorgeous animal after, by all accounts, an unattractive woman.” 

“Because,” Pod answered as if that was all he need say.

“Because she’s beautiful?” Jaime offered.

“N…not of face, perhaps,” Pod admitted guiltily. “But… _yes _.”__

 _ _“You’re much wiser than I was at your age.” Jaime noted. “And I am in complete agreement. Perhaps we should make an effort to get that through our lady’s thick skull on our way through the Vale,” he projected his voice pointedly. She heard them clasp arms.__

 _ _

While Brienne had thought herself far beyond truly caring about her appearance, the truth still stung even after so much time. But there was more to it than that. Her reluctance ran much deeper than just vanity. Accepting her scar meant accepting everything that had happened to her since. As she lay on the ground, she noted that she had not even taken the time to remove _Oathkeeper _from her side. With some awkward movements, she undid her belt without sitting up and clutched her sword to her chest. Holding it was a balm to her mind. The blade calmed her enough that she could appreciate Jaime’s earnestness, if not his tactics. Still, she did not take off the bandage.__

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for comments, kudos, and just reading in general.


	6. Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk about some parental issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I had family things to deal with and I could not get this conversation right to save my fricking life. Still not happy with it.

The very idea that Brienne might have feelings for him had seemed laughable until that night. Perhaps Ser Hyle was not as big a fool as Jaime had thought. She had kissed his stump impulsively, a word he had never associated with Brienne. Her movements were always deliberate as if she was afraid of doing something wrong and being mocked. Maybe she was finally letting her guard down for him. 

Jaime was unsurprised that she was quiet the next day. For every two steps forward she took one back. It fell on Pod to entertain him. The boy seemed to have formed an attachment to him as they both held a unique fondness for Tyrion and Brienne. With Pod, it seemed easy to forget what he and Tryion had done to each other.

“I’m curious, Pod, did my little brother speak of me?”

“Yes, ser.” The boy smiled. “Often.” 

Jaime allowed himself a small smile.“What stories did he tell?”

Pod averted his eyes. “I can’t recall, ser.”

“He spoke of me often, and you can’t recall a single tale?” he asked skeptically. “Tell me. I do not blush easily.”

“Well…He…he told me that you bought him his first…” he glanced shyly as Brienne riding in front of them. _Of all the tales, he remembers that one._

 _ _Jaime forced a laugh. “Perhaps you were right to hesitate. Let’s not speak of such things with a lady present.” _If I told you she wasn’t a prostitute would you hate me as well?_ Jaime doubted that Tyrion had shared the rest of that tragic tale with someone so young and innocent. “Perhaps this was an ill choice in conversation,” __

__

“He loves you very much, ser. He always smiled when he spoke of you.” Jaime recalled the last look his brother had given him. “When I saved him on the Blackwater, he thought that I was you.”

Jaime scoffed. “He must have been drunk for I was rotting in the Tully’s cell.”

“He…I don’t think he could think of anyone else who would save him.”

_He has no one to save him anymore._ The thought gave Jaime more distress than he would have liked to admit. “I hope you were rewarded for your heroism.” 

“I thought he trusted me more,” Pod said dejectedly.

“I’m sure he did, though trust is a complicated thing. I know you are hurt that he left you, but he could not have taken you with him.” _I know that better than anyone. _“You are better off with Lady Brienne. Of all the things that might have befallen you, this was the best.” Pod nodded in thoughtful agreement. “Far better than trailing after someone like Ser Hyle.”__

 _ _“Lady Brienne does not approve of him.”__

 _ _

“Lady Brienne does not approve of any man, but she is right about that one.”

“She approves of you,” Pod piped up. “She trusts you. I can tell.”

“The Maid of Tarth trusts no one,” Jaime corrected watching her ride in front of them. “Except you, it seems.”

Pod did not bother to deny it. “We’ve been through a lot.”

_We’ve seen each other naked. _“As have we. Treasure that trust, lad. If you loose it, there is little hope for the rest of us.”__

 _ _That night when they made camp Brienne and Pod sparred with their wooden swords. Jaime watched with envy as they thrust and parried. Pod was exhausted when they were done, while Brienne had barely broken a sweat. She had taken the first watch that night so Jaime waited until he heard Pod’s breathing deepen to approach her.__

 _ _

“Are you up for a second opponent?” he whispered across the camp. “I was fighting with Illyn Payne while I traveled. I would appreciate a partner that would not smirk as they walked over my corpse.”

“I do not want to fight you, ser.”

“You can’t still be angry, wench.” She did not reply. “If I promise to never try to comfort you again, then will you fight me?” Her look was one of frustration. _Gods, she’s pig-headed._ “I promise not to offer any opinion of you for the rest of the journey.” 

“That is a promise you cannot keep.” 

“What do you expect from the Kingslayer? Come, Brienne. We are stuck with each other until the Vale. You cannot stay angry with me the whole while. You enjoy my company too much.” Brienne clearly did not think that was the case. When Cersei was like this he would simply kiss her until she begged him for more. 

“I am not angry.”

“If this is what you are like happy, I pity your husband.”

“I have no husband.”

“Yes, I am uniquely aware of that.” An odd thing to say. “How will you attract one if you will not spar on command?”

“We will wake Pod,” she pushed the idea aside.

“Then we will sneak farther into the woods.”

“I do not think it wise.”

She was going to make him say it, and he hated her for it. “I am in dire need of the practice, wench. Maybe more so than the boy. I have not recovered as I would have liked,” he admitted reluctantly. He won a look of pity.

“What of your shoulder?” She was wearing down.

He rolled his right shoulder with a twinge. “I told you it was just a pinch. Besides, it will not matter much." Brienne looked at him skeptically. "I find it easier to fight left-handed since our time with the Goat, you see.” His wiggled his fingers at her in proof, feeling like a boy begging for more wine at dinner.

“We should wait until Pod’s watch when he will not be so vulnerable.”

“I am a member of the Kingsguard,” he growled. “And I could hardly beat Pod in a fight. I would rather he not know it.” She still looked unsure so he switched tactics. “We haven’t seen anyone for days, and we will remain within shouting distance. Please, Brienne,” he pleaded. At her sigh he knew he had won. “Thank you.”

“I have not said yes yet.”

He grinned. “I read you well, my lady. Your expressions are like words on a page.” She looked troubled at that.

Brienne gathered the swords against her better judgment and followed him deeper into the woods. He led her to an open field where the moonlight was bright enough to cast shadows. “This is too far,” she complained.

“It is just far enough. Give me a sword. The sooner we start the sooner you will be back at camp.” He grabbed a wooden sword from her hand and swung a few times to get the feel. “Ready?”

Brienne nodded solemnly. He swung at her to start the dance and was easily blocked. At least he did not drop his sword. They fought slowly at first, sizing each other up. It became obvious that Brienne was not pushing him. “Don’t hold back on me, wench.” 

“Jaime,” she stated as she disarmed him. “You are starting from the beginning…”

“I warned you I was no better than Pod.”

“You are, but you can not expect to match me.”

“I refuse to be patronized.” He had wanted the battle to be as their first one had been. Desperate and grimy. Each had been fighting at their best and they had been equals. Instead, battling Brienne again served as a reminder of how far he had fallen. “I had to make this speech to Payne, but I did not think to give it to you.”

“I am not patronizing you. If you mean to improve, you must keep your sword.”

“I have improved. You should have seen me when I first began. Payne did not hold back.”

“I am not him.”

“I can tell by your waggling tongue. Come at me.”

They fought on, and Brienne won with more frequency. When she swung a sword, Jaime noticed there was a certain grace in her movements, a masculine sort to be sure, but grace nonetheless. As they skirmished Jaime felt himself fade. Brienne adjusted her style accordingly.

She rapped him in the side one last time and declared an end to it.

“It’s barely been an hour,” he complained weakly, clutching his new bruise.

“If you want me to spar with you, I will set the rules. We will go back to camp, and you will get some sleep.”

“I never thought to find another mother so late in life,” he japed as Brienne turned toward camp.

"You are certainly in need of one,” Brienne commented, taking his wooden sword from him.

“Orphan that I am,” he agreed. “I think you need one as well, my lady. If only you could act as your own,” he mused. “Are you much like her? Your mother?” He could not say what prompted the question, but he found himself awaiting the answer.

“I do not remember much of her. My father does not speak of it because it pains him. All I know of her is from my septa,” she paused. “She said my mother was a true lady. I…I like to think that she was like Lady Catlyn.”

Jaime remembered how the woman loathed him even in death. “If a little less vengeful. I have few memories of my own mother as well. She must have been very special to have captivated my father. He was not an easy man to impress. Much like me.”

Brienne pointedly ignored the comparison. “What do you remember most, ser?” They trudged through the woods together. 

“I remember her running her hands through my hair. She died when I was nine so most else is lost to time. I functioned well enough without her, though I expect it was different for Cersei. I imagine there are many things a girl learns primarily from her mother. Did your father’s ladies ever instruct you?”

“No, they…I learned everything about being a woman from my septa. Little took. She always said I was a slow child.”

“Some people think that of one who is quiet by nature. Personally, I find the opposite to be true. When a man speaks too much, I soon grow tired of listening.”

“I was not purposefully quiet so much as incapable of speech, ser.”

“That was a perfectly-well constructed sentence, my lady. I don’t know what you are referring to.”

“It got easier with time. I used to stutter incoherently. Sometimes…well, you must be aware.”

“I find it charming, my lady. Like your blush.”

“You will not get back in my good graces so easily, Jaime,” she said with a light warning.

“Your stubbornness is yet another allure.”

“Stop.” Her tone turned suddenly serious.

“Stop what? Complimenting you? Walking? Breathing? I could stop all three, but I would die on the spot.”

“Do not pretend with me, Jaime. I cannot bare it. Not from you.”

“I am not mocking you, Brienne. I thought we had moved beyond this.”

“Forget it, ser. We had best be quiet now or we will wake Pod on our return.” She picked up her pace, leaving him behind.

“If you have an issue, speak it. There is no need to…” _Pull away from me. _“Run like a wounded beast,” he finished.__

 _ _Brienne stopped dead for a moment. _Damn._ “I didn’t…” he started, but she continued her silent march ahead of him before he could finish. Whether she was angry or hurt was hard to determine. It was not the first time he had called her such, but things were different since... he couldn’t really think of a specific event. Perhaps when he gave her the sword. He heaved a heavy sigh. __

__

As they were truly approaching the camp Jaime observed Pod snoring on the ground. “At least, it seems the boy wasn’t disturbed.” 

Brienne took up her watch again without looking at him. “You should sleep, ser, or you will be dead on your feet tomorrow.”

“Promises,” Jaime muttered. He lay down and settled in. A few minutes elapsed as he tried to rest, but he was still bothered by her initial rebuff. “It was meant as a compliment, Brienne,” he maintained into the tree-shrouded dark. 

“It wasn’t!” she hissed back. “You know as well as I that you were japing, ser. I have heard it all before. I did not expect it from you. Fake compliments are as good as insults.”

“I’ve never found that to be true," he retorted. "And it was not fake.”

“My stubbornness is an allure,” she quoted heatedly. “ How many times have you compared me to livestock for that very trait? An allure. Do you find me attractive, ser?” she asked in the voice of someone who knew the answer.

Was she attractive? No. Was he attracted? Gods help him, he was. “Brienne…”

“It is a mummer’s farce. Being called a beast, you are better than that as well.”

“Clearly, I’m not. As to the rest, that is what lords and ladies do.”

She didn't speak anymore. He remembered how they had not spoken after he had kissed her. There had been a simple peace between them. Perhaps he should take his own advice. 

They saw more people on the road the farther North they moved. The inns they passed were untouched by war. “I thought this house craven, but this land may have to feed all of Westeros soon,” Brienne commented looking around.

“I’m sure Littlefinger will be happy to sell it to the highest bidder.” 

“Are we going to stay at an inn tonight?” Pod asked Brienne.

“I don’t know,” she answered wearily.

“A wise reservation as we are easily recognized,” Jaime remarked. “But a hot meal, a bath, and a full nights sleep are awfully tempting. I think it is worth the risk to just to evade the ground. We stop in a different place every night, and yet it feels like that same root has chased me throughout the seven kingdoms. What do you say, my lady?”

“It would be nice. I should like to bathe and eat a hot meal,” Brienne relented.

“Then it shall be done for I can’t deny you anything. We’ll pose as a family. That is, if you trust us in your room, wench.” 

“It will be less suspect,” she reasoned. He could tell that she was struggling with her sense of honor.

The mention of a family reminded him of the men he had met on the road. “Did I tell you that I ran into a few men on my way to meet you? I think they share our quest, but not our noble intention.”

Brienne looked concerned. “No, you didn’t.”

“They are not a true threat. I left them far behind, and they were not the most intelligent of men. I only remembered because I told them I was looking for my tall wife and son.” 

“Perhaps…”

“It will be fine, Brienne.” She was far from convinced.

Over Brienne’s protests that they should carry on, they stopped at the next inn they passed. Upon their entry, every patron glanced their way. That they made an odd assortment, Jaime had to admit. He arranged for the meal to be sent to their room. “We are leaving a trail of gold across Westeros,” he commented after he paid.

It was the best inn that could remember staying in. It even had a small partition for the bath. Brienne ordered the tub filled at once, and Jaime graciously let her go first. The bath water still had some warmth when she left it. He started to remove his shirt.

“Jaime, there is a partition. And the water is very dirty. You should ask them to refill the tub.”

“This will do just as well,” Jaime flashed her a grin, but her eyes were glued to the floor. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen, Brienne. I’m afraid I lack your modesty,” he stated, though he moved behind the barrier to undo the laces on his pants. He had learned to do most things one handed, but laces still posed a challenge. Finally, he stepped into the tub and let the water seep into his bones. After a while he felt himself drifting off to sleep.

“Jaime, are you alright?” Brienne whispered. She had reason to be concerned; she had promised long ago not to let him drown in a tub. “Jaime!” She whispered, as he didn’t reply the next instant.

“If you’re so worried, why don’t you see for yourself?” he grumbled. He pulled himself from the tub with quite a bit of effort and put on his dirty clothes. When he pushed the partition aside, he saw Pod had fallen asleep on the bed. He had been going to ask the boy to do his laces. “Out of all of us, he stinks the worst. Perhaps we should wake him.”

“We’ll see to him in the morning.” 

Jaime thought about requesting help from Brienne, but... He needed Pod. “Are we to sleep on the floor? As a lady, I think you have first claim to the bed.”

“I will let Pod have it just this once.” She glanced at the boy warmly. 

Jaime disappeared behind the barrier once more to finish with his clothes as best he could. “If you will not claim the bed, then you shall have your choice of corners. Do you prefer the left or the right, my lady?” He reappeared to her.

“You should choose. It is your gold we used.” She missed his light nature of his statement.

“I do not think there is a difference, Brienne,” he said gently, sitting next to her on the floor.

“Of course.” He could tell she was embarrassed.

_She will never be civil with me if this continues._ “But if I must choose a side, I will sleep on the right. My father always slept to that side of the bed, even years after my mother died. Now that he is deceased I should take up his place. It’s only fitting that I help fill the gap he left in the world.” 

Brienne examined her hands. “I would not have you emulate your father, Jaime, if it is all the same.”

She had only touched the topic by accident, but he reacted as if they’d been debating it their entire journey. Perhaps in some ways they had. “Then you will be disappointed for I am my father’s son.”

She tried to take it back. “I’m sorry, ser, I did not mean any offense.”

“Only to my father.”

“I only meant that you needn’t be like him.”

“But I am. Make no mistake. I must carry on his legacy.” Brienne clenched her jaw and looked away from him. “Do you have more to say? Do not spare my feelings. I would not spare yours.”

“I would not argue with you, ser.” Her tone betrayed her feeling.

“I have been told I’m not my father several times since his death. I’m curious, wench. Enlighten me.”

There was steel in her gaze. “I will give you that Tywin Lannister was a brilliant strategist, ser, on that all of Westeros agrees. But…"

“But?” Jaime prompted. 

“But he was cold in every way. You run hot, Jaime. You are as quick to anger as you are to laugh. You may have his mind, but you do not have his heart.”

“ _You_ did not know him.” Jaime argued. His father had always wanted what was best for them even if they fought him tooth and nail. _You never saw him grieve for mother or fight for his children._

“That is true. I never met him, but he would never have jumped into that bear pit for me or tried to save me from rape. He would not have thought twice about me.”

Brienne did not know Jaime fully either. “I almost didn’t,” he reminded. “I saved you from the bear, true enough, but first I left you there.”

“You had little choice in the matter.”

“I had enough to return when I wanted. Gods, Brienne, you had to bite the man’s ear off while I rode away.”

“But I was unharmed,” she insisted. “I survived only because of you.”

“You were _there_ only because of me.” She refused to acknowledge the point. “I can be very cruel, Brienne. You have seen little of that side of me.”

“Then perhaps there is little of that side to see.” She met his eyes. He could not withstand the admiration he saw there.

Half the realm thought him a monster, and Brienne thought him a hero. “Do not romanticize me, wench. I have since threatened Edmure Tully’s unborn child with a trebuchet, and I don’t make threats I don’t intend to keep.” That shut her up. She stared at the floor looking lost. He felt her condemnation like an executioner’s blade. He should have been pleased with himself. This was what he wanted after all. 

She started to speak several times before words finally came out. “Y…You would not have killed the child, Jaime. If it came to that, I do not believe you could watch a child die that way.”

“You are right, Brienne.” He traced the pattern on the floor. “I would not have watched.” He observed her as his meaning sunk into her hard head. 

Brienne was stricken. “Do you honestly want me to believe that you could have ordered the death of that babe? You, who chose to sacrifice yourself to save us.” She glanced at Pod snoring softly on the bed.

“Yes.” She looked down miserably at his words. He wanted to tell her that he wasn’t sure. He had made the threat especially repulsive so that Tully would do as he asked, and he wouldn’t have to carry it out. He’d been relying on his appalling reputation to seal the deal just as his father would have done. “As my father would have done. A child’s life to end a war.” 

She squirmed with the information. If Brienne had had any feelings for him before, Jaime was sure that they were dead now. He was both relieved and oddly disappointed. “Why do you make me your confessor?” she asked sadly.

“Because I _am_ like my father, and I would have you judge me justly, Brienne. You used to view me as a monster. Now, I fear you view me as a hero. I do not need that. I am tired of people only seeing their reflection in me.” 

She was affronted at the remark. “I see you as a complex man, is that not enough? Must I know every inch of you?”

Cersei knew every inch of him and she thought him a fool. “I…I just…” He realized that if only one person could truly know every facet of him, he wanted it to be Brienne. It was important that _Brienne_ see him as he was. “I want you to know me.” 

“I do. You might have killed that child, but the good in you would have died as well.” She swallowed, and Jaime felt the truth of her statement weigh on him. 

“I made that threat in service to the king. Should I not do everything I can to ensure his rule?”

“Sometimes there is an absolute right and wrong no matter your vows. You know that. You taught me that. You were never a monster, but are you not a changed man?”

“Not so changed as I thought. When I went back to my life, I struggled not to return to old habits. It is easier to talk of being a better man when I am…” _With you_ , “When I am not surrounded by turncoats and liars. There are knots and tangles, Brienne. Nothing is as simple as you want it to be.” 

“Some things are.” The wench looked exhausted. 

“That’s so vague an argument as to be none at all,” he sighed, tired of the fight. And yet, he thought of the things that truly haunted him. The burning of the Starks. The cry’s of Aerys’ wife. Lying to Tyrion. He had done many things he had felt to be wrong all in the name of duty. Those were the actions he regretted. _Not Aerys. Never Aerys. _If anything, he should have killed Aerys sooner and let Rheagar take the throne. “Gods, there is no use to debating the hypothetical.”__

 _ _Brienne weighed his words. "You are right. I should not judge you, ser. I have only made one such choice, and I chose wrong at every turn.”__

 _ _

“You chose as well as anyone. We survived.”

“I betrayed you and nearly killed everyone. I killed that man. And if he had worn a helm…”

“But he didn’t. And betrayal can be the right choice. I should know. If I cast you aside for that decision, I would make a hypocrite out of myself. Besides, I would have brought men with us had you deigned to enlighten me, and in all likelihood Stoneheart’s men would have killed the boy when they heard us coming.”

“And Hyle,” Brienne added.

“ _That_ would have been fortunate,” he noted. “But do not torture yourself. There is a shortcoming to every decision, and he may be thrown overboard yet.” 

“You should not speak that way, Jaime,” she chastised with a small smile.

“Imagine how much better I would be if only you made my every decision, wench,” he drawled. 

She blushed with pleasure at his taunt. An odd thing, considering she usually grew angry at his compliments. “You do well on your own.”

“Do I?” He asked her quizzically.

She grasped that it had been a slight and turned even redder. “W…When you are not threatening children,” she amended more solemnly.

“I do seem to be getting another reputation. The Babeslayer they will call me.”

“It is easy enough to squelch, ser. Do not kill anymore babes.”

“A fine suggestion, though, I would remind you that I _haven’t_.” 

“No, but…” she halted.

“It’s not for lack of trying? I see your point.”

“You make light of everything,” she accused.

“And you take everything too seriously. We make a good match, don’t you think?” He felt much more relaxed since the turn in conversation.

“We work well together,” she qualified, edging away from him. 

“I’m never so good as when I am near you. Why do you think that is?”

“I’m sure I cannot say. I could never figure out why my opinion matters so much to you in the first place.” 

“It doesn’t.” He hated thinking that he sought anyone’s approval. The he saw the look of confusion and hurt on her face. “It does,” he relented. “I’m sorry, wench. It does. I simply hate to admit it. I prostrate myself before your judgment. You are a truly good person. One of the few I have ever met. I’m jealous of your conviction, truth be told.”

“That’s kind of you to say.” 

“It’s true of me to say.” 

“We should go to bed. You can sleep here, ser, I will move to the other side. Goodnight.”

He touched her arm as she went. She turned toward him slightly panicked. _You’d think I had sworn my undying devotion._ “I know I disappoint you, my lady. Just…don’t hate me.” 

Her expression softened in the dim light. “I could never hate you, Jaime.” She disappeared to the other side of the room. 

_If that’s true, Gods help us both._

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, comments and kudos. That last line should be in italicized, but for some reason I can't get it to be. Hope you enjoyed it.


	7. Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They run into some bandits. Violence warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of tried with the action, but I'm more of a dialogue person. There's violence and bad language. Maybe a mention of cross-dressing because how could I leave that tidbit alone. I couldn't.

Brienne, who usually concentrated so wholly on the task at hand, was distracted. The road was long and had turned colder. They had gotten more supplies from the inn and that included cloaks. Brienne’s was too small, and Pod’s was much too large. He tread on it when he walked so much that she let him ride Beauty most of the time. Brienne had only lived through one winter that she remembered. It had been a brutal time.

They paused at midday for a rest and some food. “I think I hear a stream,” Pod said eagerly. He offered to refill their skins. “I will do it,” Brienne said with a glance at Jaime. Each time they were alone she was more and more drawn to him. She felt she would forgive him anything. It was problematic to say the least.

She slowly made her way to the stream. It was not overly close to the road, and she valued the time to herself. She had not been by herself since the Quiet Isle. Brienne had grown up alone and was used to the solitude. Her father, her septa, and her master of arms had spoken to her and guided her through her youth, but there had been a distance even with her sire. She had avoided social events so as not to shame him, and in the process she had avoided him. They loved each other as father and daughter, and yet they hardly ever spoke. It seemed strange that she had befriended Jaime, a man who struggled to remain silent for all his protest of the contrary.

She heard a horse scream in the distance. Immediately, she dropped the skin and took off at a run. Slowing as she neared the horses, she withdrew _Oathkeeper_ from its sheath.

“Fuck the gods. Is that the Kingslayer? I’d heard you lost a hand. It’s even funnier in person.” Someone laughed. 

“Where’s the whore?” she heard. 

Brienne crept silently forward until she could see what was happening. Jaime and Pod had been overrun. She counted seven men. Jaime’s sword was at his feet. She was glad he had shown sense. The man who had spoken was pale as snow and wielding a dagger. His men were armed and mounted. She thought she recognized one of them from the inn.

“She left us,” Jaime answered. “We woke one morning to find that she had taken off on her own.”

“And she left you both horses?”

Jaime shrugged. “We had three. She left us the weakest two. It seems we are not worth her precious time.”

The man did not respond to him. “You five search the woods. Two of you to the right. Three to the left. Stay together. I want her alive.”

“Three of us for a cunt?”

“Don’t underestimate her. She’s more beast than woman.” He sheathed his dagger and drew his sword, turning toward Jaime.

Three of his men nodded and split apart. They approached while the other two disappeared into the trees. They were both too far apart and too close together to give her the advantage. 

“I am the Queen’s brother. If you harm us, she will tear you limb from limb. My sweet sister enjoys a good quartering.”

“Shut your mouth, Kingslayer, or I’ll shut it for you.”

Brienne wished that Jaime would remain silent so that he might survive while she tried to save them. She had taken on three before. These men were unlikely to be as ferocious. She edged around her tree as she heard them approach, praying that the men holding Jaime and Pod as hostages were not watching the forest closely. When she heard the three men pass she turned. The one in the middle was biggest. He was likely to be hardest to kill. The other two were smaller, but the one closer to her held himself better than his companions.

She took a breath waiting for them to move deeper into the woods. She followed slowly, keeping distance between them in hopes that they would not hear her approach. When they reached the stream, she closed the gap.

They heard her coming from behind. As they turned, she was upon them. She stabbed the largest of them through the throat before he could lift his mighty sword. With one down, she backed away slightly from the other two. 

“Fucking cunt,” one growled as they other called to their leader. They spread apart until they were one opposite sides of her. They attacked simultaneously. She blocked one blow, taking the other on her armor. They were fast but not strong. She barreled into the one closest to her, forcing him towards the stream. They clashed swords twice before he reached the edge. When he swung at her again she caught his blade and stepped forward, pushing him off the small ledge. He fell backward into the shallow water. She ducked as she spun around to face her other enemy, and the other man’s powerful blow missed completely. She stuck her sword through his gut and wrenched it free. Then she backed away to keep her eyes on both men. One was dying from his wound as the other crawled from the stream. Brienne dispatched him easily. A thought struck her as she turned back toward the road. She took the sword from the nearest opponent and slid it in her sheath. 

Brienne made her way back through the woods. Though they had hardly landed a blow, she ached from the fight. There were four men left from the outlaw's gang she had yet to contend with. The men had cried out from the stream, announcing her presence, but she did not encounter anyone in the woods. As the horses came in sight she noted that the remaining four men were surrounding Jaime and Pod. The leader had his dagger to Pod’s throat. 

How long the man had been talking she could not say, but he was rambling as she came into hearing distance. “Don’t doubt it! I will slit his throat in a second! Show yourself, whore!” 

“She’s killed your men. She has a water skin and food. She may have abandoned us,” Jaime reasoned loudly. Whether he was encouraging her to or he was just shouting over the braying horse she could not tell. 

“She can hear me. I’m going to fuck you, whore!”

“You may rethink that once you see her,” Jaime said casually. There were times she wished that she did hate him. “Besides, promising her a rape will hardly draw her out.”

“Show yourself, you treacherous bitch, or I will cut off a finger for every minute that passes!” He moved his sword from Pod’s throat to his hand. 

“You say she killed Renly. What makes you think she will show loyalty to us? You will torture the boy for nothing.” There was genuine fear in Jaime’s voice. 

The next thing she heard was Pod’s scream. She growled in anger, but kept her position. They were lost if she revealed herself. Pod’s whimpers were a torture far worse than anything she had felt before. She had to think of something. Looking at the mountainous terrain around her, she spied her next plan.

She eased out of her hiding spot, backing slowly away from the gang, and grabbed a large rock from the ground. It was bigger than her closed fist. She remembered Pod heaving a rock at the Bloody Mummers. She considered throwing it at one of the men. A head was a small target and even if it killed him, the others would be alert. Instead, she lobbed it at the horse she saw fidgeting. It reared back, kicking the horse nearest to it. While everyone looked to the horses, Brienne sprang from the trees and ran toward the nearest man. She knocked his sword clear out of his hand and killed him on the spot. She turned to see that Pod had gotten free in the confusion and was backing away from one of the men. Jaime was wrestling with the leader as the third man approached him from behind. She looked from Jaime to Pod. 

“Pod,” she called. “Stave him.” She threw the sword to the boy. She saw him scramble to it, before turning to help Jaime. She was a second too late. “Jaime!” she called. He turned toward her so that the sword sliced his side instead of plunging into him. The perpetrator turned to Brienne. She caught his weapon and stood between him and Jaime. The battle was down to one man for each of them. She glanced at Pod and saw that he was starting to struggle. The grip on his sword was slippery with blood. 

“Pod, to me,” Brienne called as she backed up her opponent.

“I can’t,” Pod cried. She positioned herself to keep an eye on him. If he lost his sword, she would have to choose between them. The man she faced was a better swordsman than the others had been, but he was wearing down. Any minute he would make an error and allow his death. Brienne waited.

Finally, he left an opening. She took it, slicing through his innards. Jaime seemed to have defeated the leader at the same time. He had yet to stand when she plunged her sword through the man attacking Pod.

As the last man fell to the ground she let out a sigh, looking around to make sure she hadn’t made an error. “There were only seven?” She asked Pod breathlessly. He nodded, cradling his left hand with his right. He only had four fingers on his hand. “Bastards!” Brienne cursed causing the boy to look at her in shock. She cut the clothes from the nearest man and made then into a bandage. “We are not far from the Bloody Gate. We will have you looked at there,” she told him as she wound the clothe around his hand. He was bleeding heavily. 

“What about Ser Jaime?”

“He was cut, but he…” Brienne realized that he had not come over to them. Looking over her shoulder, she could see him still on the ground. She dropped Pod’s hands and rushed over to him. “Jaime!”

He was barely conscious. Between the pale man’s slit throat and Jaime’s wound, there was blood soaking into the ground and covering everything. “Did you see him hurt?” Brienne asked Pod as calmly as she was able. The wound was in Jaime’s abdomen. She ripped the clothes from the pale man as she had his minion and bound the wound. 

“When the horse got spooked…I was…he…The man was going to kill me. Ser Jaime leapt at us. I think he landed on the dagger.”

“Get Beauty and choose the best two horses. We’re going to ride for the Bloody Gate.” Pod did as he was bid. 

“Jaime,” she whispered, “I have to lift you, but I need to you help me.” She stared into his eyes, urging him to understand. There was a slight smile on his lips. She placed his arm around her shoulders and stood. “Can you ride?” It was a stupid question. A stupid hope. 

Pod had found two horses and stripped Boar of their provisions. While Brienne tried to get Jaime on Beauty, Pod collected everything the gang had had that was of use. “We can only take two horses. He cannot ride himself, and I have nothing to lash him with.” Pod nodded in agreement and helped Brienne get Jaime in front if her on Beauty. They left the bodies in the road behind them. 

She had heard men brag of killing hundreds of men. When she was small, counting kills had seemed like keeping track of good deeds for she had thought all the men slain were evil. As she grew, Brienne found the practice more and more distasteful. Taking a life in battle in the pursuit of a noble cause was acceptable, but enjoying the kill was not. Now, she could not keep herself from counting. _Ten. Ten lives taken by my sword. _She felt as if the number were branded into her skin. _Think of Jaime. Just think of Jaime. _She rode on.____

 _  
  
_

_

Someone was saying his name. A woman. Maybe he was dead and meeting Cersei in the next life. But it wasn’t Cersei’s touch that he felt. It was too gentle, too hesitant. Still, it felt familiar and comforting. “Jaime,” the voice insisted. “Please.” He was aware of softness. He was not on the ground. _A bed _, he realized. “Jaime,” the voice begged again. He supposed he should answer it.__

 _ _Jaime cracked open his eyes to find himself in a small room lit by firelight. “Jaime,” she cried in joy. Brienne. He went to speak, but he moaned instead. He could not remember feeling this weak. Brienne looked happier than Jaime had ever seen her. There were tears in her beautiful eyes. She planted a quick kiss on his dry lips. He wondered vaguely if he was dreaming.__

 _ _

“W…” he managed. He could not lift his head from his pillow.

“I found a healer. Do not try to move. You are far from well. We made for Bloody Gate.” He had a vague memory of Brienne lifting him like a maid and placing him in front of her on a horse.

He remembered trying to save Pod. “Pod?” He asked. The room spun around once so he closed his eyes to steady it.

“He lost a finger, but he is fine otherwise. You saved him.”

“Good,” he sighed and surrendered to sleep.

The next time he woke Brienne was asleep in a chair by his bed. She was holding his hand. He smiled weakly.

He came to again, but with a clearer head. He felt pain this time. They must have stopped giving him milk of the poppy. Brienne was absent from her chair, and the fire was low. He felt absurdly lonely. 

His door cracked open to reveal Pod entering. He was carrying food and drink. “Are you awake, ser?”

“Awake or dead.” Pod hovered near the foot of the bed shyly, as if they had never met. “Is that for me?” Jaime tried to motion to the tray but found his muscles uncooperative.

“Yes.” He set it down, “Lady Brienne will be upset that she missed you.”

“How did they pull her away?” 

“I promised to stay, but I thought you might try some food. The stuff you have has been sitting for days.”

Jaime glanced beside the bed to see a bowl and a glass. “I will eat what I had. There will be too little food soon enough.” His reached for the glass only to realize it was too his right. He sent it rocking with his stump. In his drugged haze, he had completely forgotten he’d lost his hand. “You had better help.” Pod brought the glass to his lips and Jaime drank all its contents. He still felt dry as Dorne. “We won I take it?”

Pod nodded. “You saved my life, ser. I cannot thank you enough.”

“Brienne saved us. You should save your thanks for her.” He tried to sit up, ignoring the pain. He rested his head on the headboard. “Will you get her?”

“Do you need something?” 

“Just…” He didn’t wish to suffer the indignity of having Pod feed him. Pod nodded and left.

Brienne entered the room, looking almost as haggard as he did. “You should not be sitting up.”

“I’m not.” He was not even close to sitting upright and still the wench was lecturing. “I find it difficult to eat lying down. Can you?” He motioned to the bowl with his eyes. 

“Of course. How is the pain?”

“Painful.” She picked up the bowl and brought the spoon to his mouth. Jaime swallowed gratefully. “How long have we been here?”

“Days.” She was watching him gravely.

He met her eyes. “Am I dying?” 

“No,” she assured him as she feed him. “It was…they told me you would at first.” He remembered the tears in her eyes.

“Did you weep for me?” he smiled.

He received a disapproving look. “You should have seen yourself. It’s a wonder you’re alive. You were…” She looked like she might start crying in front of him. He looked uncomfortably at the ceiling.

“If you start crying, I’ll be forced to kiss you again,” he threatened. She fed him instead.

“I’m so sorry, Jaime.”

“What are you sorry for now? Don’t tell me that was another trap.” 

“No. Those men were after _me _, Jaime. Pod told me that they wanted my head for killing Renly. This wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for me.”__

 _ _“True. I would have been dead a long time ago. More,” he requested.__

 _ _

Several more days passed as Jaime struggled to his feet again. The healer came and went, giving him milk of the poppy when the pain built. Brienne spent every spare moment at his side. He explained that her guilt was needless, but she would not leave him be. 

“I do not stay from guilt,” she argued. “We almost lost you. You are Commander…”

“I know my bloody title. When will we leave this place? The healer is starting to wear my nerves.”

“When you are well.”

“I can sit a horse.”

“There are hill tribes between here and the Eyrie. We need you at your best.”

“Then you are a year too late. We will leave tomorrow or I will leave without you,” he warned. He was tired of being fussed at. 

Brienne examined his bed sheets. “Another day. We will stay tomorrow and then take our leave.” 

“I suppose that will have to do. I would never survive the journey without my warrior maid to protect me.” 

She looked pleased. “You saved Pod well enough on your own, but I would not have your risk it.”

“I need to properly thank you for all the care you’ve given me. I have been nothing but a grumpy patient. Not everyone would feed me and sit with me so.”

She blushed. “It was…pleasant.”

“Even if it came from guilt,” he prodded.

“I told you, Jaime. I am not here from guilt.”

“Then from what?” He asked, meeting her eyes.

“Friendship,” she said, blushing crimson. He knew it then with a certainty. _She killed six men for us and rushed me here in tears. She deserves more than my teasing._

 _ _“You are a true hero, my lady. Unparalleled with a blade. A beauty among crones.” Her face turned grim. “I am not mocking you. I’m trying to pay you a compliment.”__

 _ _

“Stick to the truth. It will serve you better.”

He sighed. “It is what lords say to ladies.”

“I have heard it. I prefer your insults to your lies. Do not hide behind courtesies, Jaime. I deserve better from you.”

“I know. You deserve more from me than I can give you. You protected me and saved my life…I have lost count of the times.”

“We have saved each other,” she corrected. 

“I am the one who put you in danger in the first place. Do not make it sound like I owe you nothing. What would you have of me?”

“I…nothing.” She looked desperately uncomfortable. What she truly wanted from him, he could not give.

“You already have a matchless blade. You should ask me to find you a better husband. I can find you someone at court. I will not say that he would be worthy of you, but he will be a damn sight better than Hyle Hunt.”

“If you continue to talk like this, I will leave.”

It was a valid treat. “What would you speak of then?”

“You’re the one who gets bored of silence.”

“You get upset when I confess things to you, my lady. I can think of little else but my debt. Lannisters are conditioned that way. It is a trait that has gotten Tyrion out of many tough spots.”

“Only Lord Tyrion?”

“I fight my way out of my tough spots, wench. Sometimes, I fought my way out of his. As older brothers should do,” he added rather morosely.

Brienne seemed to consider something. “Did you know that I was not my father’s only child?” Jaime shook his head. “I had a brother in my youth. He was to be heir until he drowned at eight years old. I had two sisters as well. They died as babes. I was only one to survive.” She glanced at him through her lashes before adding, “The freak.”

“I’m sure you are the pride of Tarth, my lady,” Jaime lied, thinking of what his father would say of such a daughter. 

“I am the heir,” she agreed, “but my father seemed eager enough to let me go with Renly. At the time I was elated. Now I…You see, you are not the only disappointment, ser.”

“Am I a disappointment?” he asked in bewilderment.

“It is well known the your lord father disapproved of your place in the kingsguard.” _She is right. He was never satisfied with my choices, even when I acted more like his son than a proper knight during Robert’s region. _“I should not have mentioned it. I’m sorry, Jaime. It’s too soon.” It was too soon. He shook it off.__

 _ _“It’s fine, my lady, you meant no offense. I am sorry to hear of your losses, Brienne. You have suffered much for one so young. That is a difficult way to become heir.” Her siblings, her mother, and her love had all died early in life. He thought he had heard those things long ago. It was no wonder she was somber so much of the time. “I have taken great comfortable in my siblings, but it hurts twice as badly when they betray you. Maybe you are the lucky one.” He regretted it as soon as the words left his lips.__

 _ _

“I do not think so, ser. I have never had much luck.” She paused. “Do you know I have been engaged three times?”

“I only know of Ronnet. Were the others as obnoxious? I could track them down to break in my next prosthetic when I return to Kingslanding.”

He won a smile. “That will not be necessary. My first fiancé died young, but I was also engaged to Lord Wagstaff.” 

“Wagstaff? That was your father’s last resort, surely.” 

“He warned me against my masculine habits. He wanted me to be more womanly when we wed.” 

“You broke the betrothal?"

“I challenged him to the sword.”

Jaime laughed. “Even better. I suppose he took that well.” He would have paid half the gold in Casterly Rock to have seen it.

“I broke three of his bones, and he broke the engagement.” She spoke rather proudly. 

“I would have been all the more intrigued with you, my lady. As would any man worthy of you.” He had not thought before he said it. _I want her to love me. It means I am redeemable._

 _ _“My father has put up with a lot from me. If even he failed to find me a suitable match, why would you fair any better?”__

 _ _

“Because I will think of you, Brienne, and not of Tarth.”

“Then your task is all the more difficult.”

“You would have been suited to Eddard Stark, you know. It is unfortunate that he is married and dead. And before this whole debacle I would have thought of you with Tyrion. You have some things is common. You could have taken my place as his protector.” He stopped speaking to take in the size of her. “Though he might have felt emasculated. I hear Sansa was too tall for his liking.”

“What man wouldn’t feel emasculated with me next to him? Perhaps the Mountain,” she added with a quickness that suggested she was trying to preempt his response.

“ _I _do not feel emasculated with you next to me,” he defended himself. He realized what he was doing. The more he thought about it, the more he resisted seeing her with anyone.__

 _ _“ _You _cannot be my husband,” she stated.____

 _ _ _ _“True enough. If only there was another man like me. Alas, I am unique. Besides, you deserve better. Someone whose morals are less suspect.”____

 _ _ _ _

“As you say,” she yawned unconvincingly. “I think I will retire. I have to prepare for departure tomorrow.”

“It’s early. Do not leave me here with nothing to do.”

“Sleep.”

“I have slept enough a two lifetimes. I have slept so much that Cersei need not sleep either.” She was less then engrossed by the mention. Jaime looked at her clothes. “Did you know that we looked just alike when we were children? Before my voice changed and Cersei grew teats, no one could tell us apart.”

“I did not know, but it is hardly surprising. You look similar still.”

“But I have a beard and she has a right hand. At Casterly Rock, sometimes we would pretend to be the other for a day and do all that entailed.”

“You…” She was shocked. He knew it would catch her interest. How could a woman mocked for being manly, not be interested in a man playing a woman's part?

“I would wear a dress and she would don pants. I can still sew up a rent shirt better than she can. There’s not much call for a queen to mend something, you see, but it can be handy for a knight. That is the _only _thing I still practice,” he emphasized.__

 _ _“I cannot believe that, ser. You are teasing me,” she was torn between amazement and suspicion.__

 _ _

“I swear to the gods.”

“You wore a dress?” Her sapphire eyes sparkled, momentarily distracting him.

“O…Occasionally as a child. It was great fun for a day. We saw life through the others eyes. As Cersei I was treated differently, even though all that had changed were my clothes.I think it opened her eyes more than mine. ”

Brienne stared at him, eyes wide with astonishment. “Did you… did you enjoy it?”

Jaime thrived under her rapt attention. “For a change in routine. It was awful lot of painstaking work to be a girl, as you well know. Needlepoint and conversation are delicate things whereas I preferred something simpler. I was never good at sitting quietly and doing as I was told. ”

“Little has changed.” If he hadn’t known better, he would have sworn she had made a jape. 

“My work was praised though. I was a natural. Not even father suspected anything.”

“My needlework is atrocious,” she confessed. “My septa said my hands were too big and clumsy for the necessary precision.” Jaime liked her septa less each time she was mentioned.

“I bet you could best me now.” She did not find him funny. “This anecdote cannot leave this room, you understand.”

“Of all the things you never swore me to secrecy about, this is what you choose?”

“Few things sully a man’s formidable reputation like good needlework.” 

“What about Cersei?”

“To the contrary, most people think I sullied _her _reputation.”__

 _ _“No. That’s not what I…” She blushed furiously. “Did she do well as…as a boy?”__

 _ _

“Cersei took to the sword quickly. I admit there was a ferocity in her swing that I lacked.”

“I find that hard to believe, ser. You are nothing if not ferocious.”

“ _You _do not know Cersei.” He smiled at the memory, remembering how well he had liked Cersei with a sword. His image of Cersei faded into Brienne.__

 _ _She looked away shyly. “Do…Do you still love her?”__

 _ _

He hesitated, deciding if he should spare her or not. “Yes,” he said almost apologetically, “but I don’t know if I want to anymore. I’ve heard it is like that with…” He could not bring himself to describe Cersei as a first love. “You must have that with Renly.” _Renly, who thought her absurd._

 _ _“That is different. I…weeks go by when I do not think of him. And his face is fading. I saw a boy at the Crossroads Inn. He looked so much like him that I thought I’d seen a ghost. It’s his face I see when I think of Renly now. He is slipping away.” _Good.___

 _ _ _ _“It is healthy to move on, my lady.”____

 _ _ _ _

“I would say the same to you.”

“I don't know if I can. I do not even think she truly loves me, but…” _But what? _“I’ve never known what it is to be alone. I’ve always been half of a whole.”__

 _ _“You might surprise yourself, ser. I think that you are more yourself now that you were in Kingslanding. Alone is not so bad, my lord. I have always been alone.” The statement hurt him. If anyone deserved to find someone, it was Brienne of Tarth. “I dedicated myself to duty, and I found a worthy cause to fight for.”__

 _ _

“Finding Sansa Stark.”

She nodded. “And ensuring your honor with the blade that you gave me.” Her face told many other truths. An expression he yearned to see. Acceptance and love. 

“Did you kiss me when I first woke or was that just a dream from the poppy?”

She would not look him in the eye. “I…It must have been a dream, ser. I would never be so impertinent.”

“A pity.”

“I will leave you to your sleep.”

“I apologize if I made you uncomfortable.”

“You seek to make me uncomfortable,” she contradicted. “I’m exhausted. I will see you in the morning.” Jaime had the suspicion that Brienne was never as tired as she wanted him to believe.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. It means of lot.  
> After I wrote this chapter I went on a hunt to see if Jaime had ever used the word cunt when referring to a women, but I couldn't find anything. I think he said it when talking about Pycelle. I'm just splitting hairs, but anyone remember him doing that?


	8. Through the Vale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leaving Bloody Gate to continue their search.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is shorter than usual. It's really only half a point of view but it seemed like a good place to break. My semester started. That's my excuse.

She noticed blood seeping through the bandage on Pod’s finger. “We will stop for the day.” She dropped her sparring stick and wiped the sweat from her brow.

“I can do more, ser,” the boy insisted.

“I am sure you can, but we are finished all the same.”

“Ser Jaime would not give up so easily. He would fight you until he won.”

“Ser Jaime is often stubborn, and it gets him into trouble. In fact, we had best go see that he is not in any now.” She led the grumbling boy into Jaime’s room. It was cramped with the two of them.

“How was it?” Jaime asked as Brienne pulled Pod up a chair. 

“He did very well.”

“She made us stop when I started to bleed.”

“She is frustratingly maternal that way. She insisted that I eat and drink after they cut off my hand when all I wanted to do was die. I was very displeased with her.”

“What did you do, ser, after you lost your hand?”

Brienne sent him a plea of help with her eyes. “ _I _felt very sorry for myself. Then our Maid of Tarth called me craven and insisted I live for revenge. Now, here I sit. Alive, if not well.”__

__“But you can fight still?”_ _

____

Jaime froze.

____

“Yes,” Brienne cut in. “He’s Commander of the Kingsguard. He would not remain there if I could not defend the king,” she lied, glancing at Jaime for help. He nodded his ascent. 

____

“It took me time, lad. It will take less for you.”

____

“I think I will go find Joren,” Pod excused himself. He had befriended the healer’s son in their stay. Brienne was almost tempted to leave him in the healer's care while she and Jaime journeyed into the mountains. In the end, she concluded the action would do more harm than good.

____

“Did he not do well?” Jaime asked.

____

“He was in pain. He will improve. If I had the man who did this in front of me…” she trailed off. She only wished that it had taken the man longer to die. 

____

“I don’t think I’ve seen you this angry, wench.”

____

Her blood boiled. “Pod is an innocent boy and now he is maimed. I only wish I could have returned the favor.”

____

“Like you did for me?”

____

She nodded, thinking of Timeon.

____

"I was just thinking how strange it was that you told me to live for revenge and then you took my revenge for me."

____

"I had little choice in the matter," she said defensively.

____

"It was not a criticism, my lady, merely an odd thought. I'm prone to them. A family curse."

____

Lannisters seemed to have many familial traits besides their golden locks. "Thank you, for saying what you did to Podrick."

____

"Lying, you mean.”

____

“Your cases are not so similar, but I think he admires you all the more since his injury. I did not want him to lose heart.”

____

“A lie to spare him pain. You are growing, my lady. It was not so long ago you were chastising me for saying that Tarth was rich with sapphires.” 

____

“That was…I am slow, my lord, you must forgive me."

____

"No, I _must _get Pod to stop admiring me. There are getting to be far too many kingslayers. Already, I hear my name bandied about on the road as if it means nothing. "__

____

__"Your _name _is Jaime, ser," Brienne reminded.___ _

____

___He smiled at her. "There was a time you did not think that."_ _ _

_______ _ _ _

She shrugged her massive shoulders. "As I said, I was slow."

_______ _ _ _

"You are _far _from slow, Brienne."__

_______ _ _ _

__She grew uncomfortable under his gaze. "T...thank you for your support with Pod.” She stood._ _

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“It is yours, my lady.”

_________ _ _ _ _ _

Brienne acknowledged the statement before fleeing from the room. Jaime was being all too familiar of late. He was gently teasing with his advances, but she was not. Seeing his life almost slip away had brought many things into perspective. Her feelings for Jaime had grown rapidly since their encounter with Lady Stoneheart. She had ignored them successfully until he had kissed her. She had never witnessed a lighter kiss, yet she could still feel the heat of him if she closed her eyes. Jaime would not intentionally play with her heart, but unintentionally? Lords and ladies flirted at court with little meaning in their words. Brienne was not built for such things.

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“You are leaving us then?” The healer asked her.

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“Yes, you will finally have your home back. It was kind of you to take him in,” Brienne lied. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

The man waved off her thanks. “We appreciate your patronage and your protection. Those were evil men you slew.”

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“Now perhaps, but not once. This war had made many men, who once had a cause and a home, desperate for either.”

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“Wise words,” the man commented before turning his back to her. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

She would not miss this healer or his wife nor had she mentioned to Jaime the extravagant price they demanded for his care. She did not want to upset him.

_________ _ _ _ _ _

They took to the road the next day with a much lighter purse. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“Getting to the Eyrie will be treacherous this close to winter,” Jaime warned them as they traveled.

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“They will not…They might not be at the Eyrie,” Pod said hesitantly. 

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“Let us hope Sansa is there or I will have been shot and stabbed for nothing.”

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“No, I…I just mean that House Arryn leaves the Eyrie for the Gate of the Moon before winter so that they are not trapped.”

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“How do you know that, Pod?” Brienne inquired, pleasantly surprised by his stored knowledge.

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“Lord Tyrion.”

_________ _ _ _ _ _

Jaime laughed. “I might have known that long ago. Good thought, boy. It does not change much, but I dread our destination less. The Eyrie is impregnable, and much too far from the ground for my taste.”

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“Are you afraid of heights, ser?” Pod asked.

_________ _ _ _ _ _

“Let us say that I am wary of things I can not defeat with a sword.” _He must be wary of a great many things, now, _Brienne thought sadly.__

_________ _ _ _ _ _

__It had grown increasing cold as they traveled so they starting lighting fires at night for warmth. Brienne slept close with Pod to conserve their heat. She glanced guilty at Jaime who would sleep some feet away from them._ _

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Don’t mind me, wench.” He clutched his cloak around him. “I’ve heard that freezing to death is just like falling asleep.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You will not freeze, ser, but you might sleep closer.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I have to keep watch. Sleep, Brienne. You will be in my place soon enough. We must be vigilant here. The Eyrie is renowned for its hill tribes.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Lord Tyrion led them into battle. They cried half-man as they fought. Do you think they will harm us?” Pod asked, his fear evident in his small voice.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jaime nodded. “I think they will harm us all the more for the steel my father gave them.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Brienne got little sleep that night. Every noise made her flinch in anticipation of attack. She did not wake Pod for his watch. It got colder as the fire died and she was relieved. They could start another fire if they started to freeze, but fighting off a tribe was something else entirely.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Do you think we will reach the Gate of the Moon tonight?” Pod asked the next morning.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Brienne shrugged. “I have never been there. What do you think, Jaime?”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“We will be tantalizingly close if we do not reach it. I say we keep going until we do.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“We need to think this through before we go striding to the gate demanding entrance,” Brienne noted. 

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“It is a delicate matter. We can hardly ask if they are voluntarily harboring a traitor in their midst. How will we know if Sansa Stark is there at all? Neither of us would even know the girl if she came up to us and howled.”

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I’ll recognize her,” Pod claimed.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“True,” Jaime acknowledged.

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“They can not know _you _are here at all,” Brienne told him. “If they are protecting her from the queen, they will never cooperate with the Kingslayer.” Jaime narrowed his cat-like eyes at the truth of her words. “Littlefinger was a childhood friend of Lady Catlyn’s. If he is keeping her, I will tell him of our mission.”__

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__“What if she doesn’t want to come with us?” Pod asked._ _

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Brienne made a face. “I must respect her wishes.”

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“If she is anywhere near Littlefinger, she will be glad we came for her,” Jaime assured them. “He wears a person thin with his scheming and repertoire of snide comments.” Brienne knew that Jaime read the irony of his words from her face. He continued, “He, however, will be less pleased.”

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Pod and I will ask for an audience with him and then we will proceed from there.”

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You can not trust him. For all we know he will immediately send Cersei a raven of our intention in order to weasel into her good graces. Worse, he might send her your head.”

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_He is right. _“Then we must think of another reason for our visit so we can get a better feel of the situation.”__

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__“We are going to lie?” Pod asked concernedly. Brienne shared his apprehension. Neither of them had the predisposition for deception._ _

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jaime nodded his approval. “Mayhap, you have found someone worthy of your consideration, wench.”

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Brienne sighed. “It will not work, Jaime. I have no clothes but these. Is Littlefinger supposed to believe I came to propose a marriage in mail?”

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jaime smiled. “Of course, he’ll believe it. You are a warrior maid, Brienne, and an honest woman. A sword and shield are part of your terms. You already defeated one man who would have denied them to you.”

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“He’s recently widowed.”

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“He had no great love for Lysa Tully. He’ll be looking for his next move. His lords are uneasy.”

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“He has Harrenhall and the Eyrie, why would he even consider me?”

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Because he loves the game. He will spend days figuring out just how to use you to his advantage. Manipulation is the only thing that gets Littlefinger hard enough to use his little finger.” 

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“These things are done by raven, Jaime. Usually man and women do not meet until after the agreement has been struck by their parents.”

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I think we have moved beyond parents at your advanced age. _You _wanted him to see you before he agreed so he knew exactly what the marriage entailed. _You _have been denied for your form once before and wish to avoid prolonging the inevitable. Your previous engagements explain all your actions, Brienne. And it is not a bad match. Really, the more I think about it, the more surprised I am that your father hasn’t thought of it. Littelfinger’s power has a time limit in the Vale and only a madman would want to live at Harrenhall.”____

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___“What if he agrees?” Pod inquired with trepidation._ _ _

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“He won’t,” Brienne dismissed his fear. She could feel Littlefinger’s rejection already. She saw him laughing cruelly until she left the hall in disgrace.

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“The lady can always break the engagement. Besides, I doubt he will feel the same after we take Sansa.”

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"If she's there," Pod pointed out, "If she's not and he agrees..."

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"She does not have her father's blessing. He can put a stop to it.

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_He would give it fast enough if it begot him grandchildren. _“It will get us in the door at the very least. It is a good idea, Jaime.” How many times would she have to place herself before the judgment of others on this quest?__

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__She rode in silence while Jaime and Pod talked ahead of her. Submitting to bridal appraisal was the last thing she planned to do when she had set out from Kingslanding. Would she never escape from it? Even as a knight she had been surrounded by the idea of marriage and children. First, Hyle had proposed. Then Jaime had kissed her. Now, she had to propose to Littlefinger, a man she knew little of. She would sacrifice her dignity before him while Jaime…_ _

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“What will _you _be doing, ser? You know that you cannot be seen in the castle,” she tried to hide the suspicion in her voice.__

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__“I know," he reponded to her tone. "Littlefinger would know me, and I have no reason to be here. _I _will be hiding in the woods most like while you rescue the girl.”___ _

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___“It will not be safe.”_ _ _

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“We have not run into trouble so far. Do not go out of your way to look for it.”

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Then we should camp with you tonight and go to the Gates of the Moon tomorrow when the sun rises.”

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

They did as Brienne suggested, fending off the cold. Pod had been asleep for some time, but Jaime was awake. She watched him, waiting for him to start a conversation. He did not stir until she shook him for his turn at guard. Brienne tossed and turned in the merciless night. As unhappy as she was with the dark, she did not want the next day to come either. Her days with Pod and Jaime were simple, full of trust and Jaime’s laughter. These were days she would look back on with nostalgia if she lived to old age.

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She steeled herself for Littlefinger’s jeers when she proposed a match. Would he call her a beast? Perhaps a freak. It was a common enough description.

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The next morning, Jaime read her expression, as he was apt to do. He grabbed her arm and led her aside, leaving Pod to his breakfast. “You are worried.”

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I am always worried, remember? Do not let it bother you.”

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“We may be close to finding Sansa. That should bring a smile to your lips, wench.”

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She nodded. “I’m being foolish. I have a purpose. I should concentrate on it and it alone.”

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You need not worry about the opinions of a man like Littlefinger.” He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Trust me, you would not want him as your husband even if he begged to marry you.”

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I know. I have heard of his mercurial loyalties.”

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“No,” Jaime dismissed the statement with a small smile, “I mean that he boasts too loudly for a man who can actually please a woman.” 

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She did not know what to say to that. “Oh.”

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Do not underestimate him nor give him more power than he has. He will try to diminish you.”

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Many men have tried to diminish me.” _I am used to sneers, but not opening myself up for rejection. _“I can handle him, Jaime, but I will not enjoy it. I hate playing that game. It is for the quick of wit and sharp of tongue.”__

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__“As a frequent victim of your wit and tongue, I serve as proof of their existence.”_ _

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Watch yourself while we are at the Gate of the Moon. Where should we meet you when we are through?”

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jaime looked around. “One rock is as good as another. Meet me here. Be warned. If you are not back in three days I shall have to storm in after you. It would be a poor rescue likely to end in my death.”

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“We will be perfectly safe. It is you who may need rescue.”

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Or a proper burial. Be sure to find my body would you? Send it to my sister. She could use something on which to sharpen her claws. Unless the hill tribes have eaten me, that is. If that’s the case, just leave me be.”

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I would skewer them, ser, and piece you back together bit by bit.” She was too serious when she said it, missing his light tone. It sounded like a declaration, the exact kind she was prone to making.

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He smiled. Fondly, perhaps. "I'm flattered, my lady. But while that's comforting to know, I shall try to save you the bother." He took one of her hands in his.

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She nodded.

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

They were standing close together, but Jaime stepped towards her even still. Fighting the instinct to move away, Brienne lamented that she was the taller of the two. “I'm sorry I don't have a token for you," he said, "but I would have you take _this _with you when you go.” Rocking forward on his toes, he kissed her for a mere second. She inhaled involuntarily taking in his scent before he stepped back. “For luck,” he assured her, giving her hand a light squeeze. _For strength. _She held his eyes after and thought she saw something there. Something new and brilliant. Her nerves were all but gone.____

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___"Brienne?" he questioned, suddenly unsure. She realized that she had not said anything for quite some time. "Damn, wench. I didn't..." He dropped her hand._ _ _

____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"I will, ser," she interrupted him.

____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"You will...?" His green eyes searched her.

____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"I will take it with me when I go."

____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _

______ _ _

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everything.


	9. Alayne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne and Pod go to the Gate of the Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not really where I want it, but I have to finish this thing sometime so here it is. I have a tendency to see Littlefinger as pretty villainy so sorry to people who are more into his character. I did my best with Sansa. The next chapters will take longer to put up because I have a harder time channeling those two. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me!

Brienne had the distinct impression that Pod had seen Jaime and her in the woods because his face was bright red when they set out together. She turned back to look at Jaime again before he was completely out of sight. The knight looked smaller than usual and more fragile. Disturbed, she turned forward towards the road ahead.

“Could I ask you something, ser?” Pod’s ears were aflame.

“Yes,” Brienne allowed against her better judgment.

“Is…Is Ser Jaime why you do not want to marry Ser Hyle?”

“No,” she answered honestly. “We should not speak of these things here. If we are overheard then our planning will be for naught.”

“Yes, ser,” he murmured. 

They reached the Gates of the Moon in a mere hours ride. Brienne spoke to a guard who gaped at her before letting them through. They put Beauty in the stables and were asked to wait. Pod stayed close to her side as if he was afraid of being separated. “Glance at everyone that passes,” she reminded him. He was only one of them that might recognize Sansa in disguise. 

A man came to get them. “Lord Baelish wishes that you sup with him. I will show you to your room, my lady.” She followed him to a chamber. “I will have someone bring you more fitting clothes and we can draw water for a bath if you like.”

“I would have the bath, but I will wear my own clothes. Thank you.” Pod followed the man out the door with a backwards glance. 

If Brienne were very lucky, Sansa would be at the dinner that night. A serving girl named Jeyne brought her water for her bath and offered to assist her. Brienne dismissed her kindly and stripped. The water was very warm, though she barely fit in the tub. She scrubbed herself hard to pass inspect at the dinner. The water grew cool before she stepped out. 

Her room had a looking glass where she proceeded to examine herself. Brienne could not remember the last time she had looked in a mirror. Her body had not changed but for some bruising and scars. It was still masculine in nature with few hints of her true sex except the mound between her legs. Her face was hard to look at. People were supposed to be pretty in their youth. This was what Jaime saw when he gazed at her. It was these huge lips he kissed. It did not make sense to her. 

Brienne’s cheek started to itch as she stared at herself. When she rubbed it, the bandage came off in her hand. She examined the scar in her reflection. It was glaringly obvious, like a wine stain on a white dress. _But I am not like a dress _, she thought, remembering Jaime’s words. _I have never been pretty. I am hard. Like mail. _She ran her finger over the rough flesh. _And a scratch on mail simply means that it has been tested. _This time, feeling her scar, she did not think of Biter’s teeth; instead, she saw the girl with her crossbow defending her inn. _My scar shows that I have been tested. It is a part of me. _She thought of Littlefinger and the stares she would suffer. With the bandage, she could claim she had simply cut herself and hide the extent of her trauma. Brienne looked down at the clothe one last time before crushing it in her hand. _I have spent too long hiding._________

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _There was a knock at the door as she was brushing out her stringy hair. The messenger brought her food and a pink dress for her to wear at supper. Brienne thanked him for his trouble, but did not put on the garb. It looked conspicuously like the one that Bolton had forced her to wear. She wondered if they meant to have a good laugh at her before they sent her on her way.__________

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Finally someone came to take her to meet Littlefinger. “Do you need more time to dress, my lady?” The servant asked pointedly.

“No, I will wear what I have.” She closed her door behind her and followed the man to the dining table. Several men sat at the table, but Petyr Baelish was easy to identify. There was a sharpness to him that would have cowered her when she had been younger.

“Lady Brienne of Tarth,” he stood to greet her, taking in her clothes. “It is an honor to meet you. Lord Robert wished to greet you but he is unwell at the moment.”

“An honor to meet you as well. Please, send him my regards.”

“Did the servants not bring you clothes as I instructed? I apologize.” His eyes strayed to her marred cheek.

She felt herself start to blush. “They did. I wished to wear my own. I’m afraid dresses do not suit me, my lord.”

He raised his eyebrows. “I’m sure you would look just as lovely in anything you wore.” His meaning was clear to her from the look in his eyes.

“Thank you, my lord,” she grimaced. At least with most men she did not have to thank them for their slights.

He introduced the men and women sitting around the table. There were no girls Sansa’s age to Brienne’s disappointment. 

“I hear you are traveling with a squire,” one of the men stated with amusement.

“Yes, a boy I happened by on the road. He’s very dedicated.” 

“On the road? Was he commonborn?”

“No,” Brienne denied bringing the conversation to a standstill.

She had rather hoped that they had forgotten about her when another man directed a question to her. “What brings you here, Lady Brienne? We are far from Tarth.” 

“I have business with the regent of the Vale.”

“Do tell,” Littlefinger urged.

“Private business.”

“It’s not for the likes of us,” one of the lords laughed. 

“I wouldn’t tell us either.”

“Would you like to accompany me for a walk when our meal is finished?” Littlefinger inquired.

Brienne nodded and was allowed to remain mostly silent after the meal was served. She searched for the right words in her head, hoping that Pod had better luck than she did. As she set her fork down on her plate, someone came into the room.

“I’m sorry to interrupt you, father, but it’s urgent.” The girl who entered was young with brown hair. She was a little tall for her age and well-spoken.

“I apologize, my lords.” Littelfinger stood from the table.

“No need, Lord Baelish. It is always a delight to gaze upon a flower, and Alayne is the most beautiful flower in the Vale.” The man had a smile that made Brienne nervous. _A flower she is, too. _The girl was both delicate and commanding.__

 _ _“Thank you, my lord,” she curtsied. “I must take my leave I’m afraid. Father?” He nodded that he would follow her. “My lords,” she curtsied before she spotted Brienne. “And lady,” she added with little hesitation. When the girl turned, she could see Lady Catlyn in her features. Brienne stopped breathing for a moment, unable to believe her eyes.__

 _ _

Littlefinger faced her dutifully. “It seems I am needed elsewhere immediately. I have seen to it that you have a room, Lady Brienne. We will have our conversation tomorrow if I can have your patience.”

“Of course. May I ask who that girl was, my lord? She was no a commonborn servant.”

“That is my natural daughter, Alayne. Excuse me.” He left the table.

“I was unaware he had a daughter.” Brienne boldly mentioned to the man on her left. 

“No one did until right lately. You can’t blame him for hiding her though.”

“She’s beautiful,” Brienne agreed before taking her leave.

That night Brienne was hopeful. She had gotten out of meeting with Littlefinger, and she had found a girl who might be Sansa in disguise. A girl who almost certainly _had _to be Sansa Stark. She needed Pod to confirm her theory. If he agreed with her then they would soon be on their way with, or possibly without, the girl. The idea of leaving her made Brienne sick to her stomach. If it was Sansa, Brienne would have to explain the reason for her presence in the Vale. Would the girl believe her? Even if she did, being Littlefinger’s bastard might have been the best place for her. What could Brienne offer her save a world of more hiding? She hardly slept that night.__

 _ _Early the next morning she dressed and went on a search for Pod as the sun rose. She lead him from the his quarters and out into the yard.__

 _ _

“Did you find her, ser?” He asked, reading her expression.

She nodded her response. “There’s a good chance.”

He looked like he might shout. “I didn’t think we would ever find her. Not that I doubted you, ser.”

“We may not have found her,” she warned. “I need you to give me a final say one way or the other.”

“Yes, ser,” Pod accepted her orders without question. His enthusiasm worried her. 

“Subtly.” He nodded again, more demurely. “I think she is going by Alayne and posing as the Lord’s natural daughter.”

“His daughter?” At her ascent, he continued almost to himself, “That’s good.”

Brienne was curious. “Why do you say that?”

“I…I didn’t like the way that he would look at her, ser. I thought…but if she’s posing as his daughter then I must have been mistaken.”

“How would he look at her?”

Pod scuffled his feet. “I…I don’t know.” Brienne waited. “I _thought _that he wanted…to marry her. But if she’s his daughter then I was wrong, right, ser?” He looked up at her with his childish innocence.__

 _ _“Of course. Lord Baelish was a good friend to her mother,” she assured him, but her worry grew. It made it all the more important that they speak to the girl soon.__

 _ _

Brienne left him and returned to her room to find a messenger looking for her. “Lord Baelish requests your presence.”

Brienne nodded and followed the man to a room with a large desk covered in papers. Littelfinger sat behind it expectantly. Her heart started to pound in her ears.

“You look lovely today, my lady. Please,” he indicated a chair. She would rather have stood.

“Thank you, my lord.”

“You said that you had business for me.” 

“Y…Yes, I did.” _I am looking for my sister. A maid of three-and-ten. _“I…” _You will have to do better than this _, she told herself. “I think that I have a deal which would benefit us both.”____

 _ _ _ _“Then I’m interested to hear it.” He leaned back in his seat.____

 _ _ _ _

“I propose a marriage,” she blurted too loudly in her determination to say it at all. “Between us,” she added. The word felt dirty on her tongue. He waited for her to continue. “It would give you a…another title and Tarth an heir.” It was done. 

“I had not heard you were looking for a husband,” he said noncommittally.

“I was not.” It was the truth.

“It’s an interesting offer. You need not be so nervous, Lady Brienne, it is far from the worst proposal I have received.”

“I have not had much luck with betrothals in the past, my lord.” Jaime was right.

“I could say the same of myself. You have heard that I’m recently widowed?” She nodded. “My lords would mislike the idea. I will need time to…”

“I would be happy to let you think on the matter.” Brienne said too quickly. She stood from her chair.

His eyes followed her. “Before you leave, may I ask what happened to your cheek, my lady, if it is not too forward?” She did not flinch from his gaze.

_Someone ate it. _“I ran into some trouble on my journey, my lord. I was overwhelmed some weeks ago at an inn filled with children. I have reevaluated my life in the time since.”__

 _ _“That must have been frightening.” He looked like she had confirmed something for him.__

 _ _

“It was, but I would make the same choice again,” she answered proudly, surprising herself. “I think I will go for a ride this afternoon. Would it please you to come, my lord?” She knew that it would not.

“As regent, I have other matters I must attend to.”

Brienne nodded and left, making her way to the stables. Her meeting with Littlefinger had gone far better than she had any right to expect. Pod was nowhere in sight. She was saddling her horse when he interrupted her. She could tell from the look of him that they had found Sansa at last.

“Ser,” he cried. “Ser, we did it!”

Brienne shushed him with a look. “I’m too tired to ride, I think. Take care of Beauty and then meet me in my chamber.”

Pod nodded, hurriedly taking off the saddle. When finally he reached her chamber some minutes later, he was out of breath from running. 

“I found her. It’s Lady Sansa.”

“You are sure?”

“I know my lord’s wife,” he claimed defensively, reddening. 

“What happened? Did you speak to her?”

Pod shook his head. “I asked around for Alayne like you said, claiming I had a message from you. I ran across her in the hall, and I knew right away that it was _her _. I only looked for a second, but I think she might have noticed.”__

 _ _Brienne stifled a sigh. “Did she recognize you?”__

 _ _

“I don’t think so. We never spoke much.”

“Where is she?”

“I think she was on her way to her chamber.”

“Thank you, Pod. We could not have done this without you.” He beamed.

Brienne set out immediately. She asked a servant to point her in the right direction and paid her with a silver coin. After weeks and weeks of useless leads and battles, Brienne was about to complete her quest. She knocked on the door.

“Come in,” a strong feminine voice answered. 

Brienne swung the door inward and saw Sansa Stark for the second time. “I…I hope I am not interrupting you,” Brienne stammered upon entry. It was all she could think to say.

She turned towards Brienne. “Not at all. You were at dinner with my father the other night. I hope you have settled in well, Lady Brienne.” 

“Yes, quite well.”

“And the food was to your satisfaction? We usually do not entertain so many.”

“The food was good, though I fear I may have caused a disturbance for you with my mail at dinner.” 

Sansa looked like she might have said something and thought better of it. “Is there anything I can help you with, my lady?”

Brienne’s mind went blank. _How am I supposed to tell her?_ It all seemed so ridiculous. “I…do you know from whom I could commission a dress?” 

Sansa smiled. “Of course, my lady. Tell me what you want and I can see it done?”

Brienne shrugged. “Whatever you like.” Sansa paused at the odd statement. “I mean, I am hopeless at such things. Perhaps you could help me. I am more comfortable choosing a sword than a dress.” Brienne had chosen many a dress in her life. She had looked like a cow on two legs in all of them, except the one that Jaime had given her.

“I…I knew a girl like that once. It never mattered what she set out to do; she was always covered in mud by the end of the day. I would like to help.”

_She’s thinking of Arya. _“Thank you. I'm sure it make things easier for your father."__

 _ _"Every lady should have a beautiful dress." Even one such as you. Her eyes held the same sympathetic look that her mother's had__

 _ _

"You are very kind. Thank you.”

"Of course. It will be fun, my lady."

Brienne did not imagine that it would be.

She left the girls room, pausing in the hallway outside. Brienne was playing a dangerous game. She needed the girl to trust her, but blurting out her whole story seemed unlikely to engender such faith. Or perhaps the girl would respect honesty. Her mother had mentioned that she was fond of the stories of chivalrous knights and honorable maidens. _Just like Jaime. Just like me. If I was brighter, I might have been able to use that to my advantage._

The next day Sansa brought a seamstress to Brienne’s room. 

“I took the liberty of choosing blue clothe. I hope you do not mind, my lady,” the girl said as the seamstress busied herself. The woman muttered a comment about not having enough material that Brienne chose not to hear.

“Thank you. I have been told that blue suits me best.” 

“I thought it would match your eyes. They are beautiful eyes, my lady. I should love to have such a wonderful color.”

Brienne gave the girl a small smile, and they lapsed into silence as the seamstress did her work.

“Is Tarth very far, my lady? I have never been.”

“It is far enough. I doubt it is winter there just yet, while snow covers the mountains.”

“We had to leave the Eyrie, elsewise we would have been stuck all winter. You must have urgent business to come so far at such a time.” _She is fishing for information _, Brienne realized.__

 _ _“I did not come from Tarth directly.”__

 _ _

“Oh, where were you visiting, my lady?”

_I cannot tell her I came from Kingslanding._ “Maidenpool. I have not been to Tarth in some time. I wish to return though.” 

“Why did you leave, my lady?” Sansa asked curiously.

Brienne decided to introduce the topic. She could not wait forever. “I left to fight for King Renly.” 

Sansa answered carefully, obviously not wanting to offend her. “I…I heard he was kind…for a traitor, that is.”

“He was. And if he was a traitor, he was killed for it, though not by me, as some would claim.”

“I’m sure I’ve not heard that,” Sansa said, examining the fabric closely.

“I fled the scene with…with Catlyn Stark.” Sansa froze in place as if she were made of stone. “I swore fealty to her and served her while I could.” The girl would not look at her. “I’ve yet to meet a finer lady.” Brienne steeled herself. “D…” She could not ask it. _I must peak her interest. I will have to tell her eventually._ “Did you know her?” 

Sansa did not answer for a moment. “She was the sister of my father’s wife.” She only met Brienne’s eyes for a brief moment, but the ache was there for her to see. “I never met her.”

“A pity.”

“Yes. Lady Brienne, would you mind if I excused myself. I’m feeling suddenly unwell.” Brienne nodded. As Sansa fled for the door, Brienne could not help but call out to her. “I’m sorry,” Brienne spoke with too much emotion to be apologizing for an illness. Sansa shot her an anxious glance and left the room.

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	10. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne talks to Sansa again and then goes to visit Jaime.

Brienne went to bed that night thinking of her need to tell Sansa the truth. The girl was clearly getting suspicious of her presence. Making a resolution to find her the next day, Brienne pulled the sheet tighter to her and fell asleep thinking of Tarth.

When she awoke, she could not have said how long she had slept, only that it was still dark outside. The creak of the door had woken her. She grabbed the dagger from the bedside table and turned to find herself threatening a child. Sansa.

“What are you doing here, my lady?” Brienne placed the dagger back on the table.

“I am not a lady,” Sansa corrected from the doorway. “I am Lord Baelish’s natural daughter.” Her voice sounded as small as she looked in the dim light. She had avoided the question neatly.

Brienne took a deep breath. _I need to state my purpose before I run out of time. _“If that were true, my lady, I do not think that you would be here in the dead of night,” she said gently. Sansa did not seem to have an answer to that. “You needn't worry that I will betray your secret. I have one as well.” _If I were a scared child what would I most want to hear? _"I was sent here by your mother."____

“My mother is dead.” She might have been speaking as Sansa or Alayne.

Brienne did not argue the point. “Yes, but I am here all the same, to help you.”

The girl fidgeted, watching Brienne but not approaching her. “Do you mean to take me away?”

“If you want.” The girl bit her lip. “I know you have a life here and I do not wish to rip you away from it, but I did promise that I would see you safe.” The girl looked like a ghost in her night attire.

“You really knew my mother?” _She must trust me a little to give the game away. ___

Brienne nodded. “I was sworn to her. I _am _sworn to her.” The girl looked doubtful that Lady Catlyn would have such a woman in her service. “She told me once how she would brush your hair herself.” Sansa glanced up at her sharply. “She told me other things too. You love lemon cakes. And Arya was not such a lady as you. She liked to fight. And Bran liked to climb even though your mother told him to stop. He dreamed of being a knight.” _The number of people who could possibly know that is dwindling, _Brienne thought sorrowfully._ ___

___Sansa continued to think before taking a small step toward Brienne. “Would you take me home?” Sansa asked in a rush of irrational hope.___

 _ _ _

Brienne’s breathe caught in her sadness. Sansa's face fell before Brienne even spoke.“I’m sorry, my lady, but you can’t go home. Not to Winterfell.”

She was silent for a moment. “Lord Baelish promised me…” Sansa muttered more to herself than to Brienne, “but it wouldn’t be the same anyway, would it? It wouldn’t be home anymore, not without…”

Brienne shook her head. “No, but you can find a new home, my lady, be it here or somewhere else.” _Home is a strange thing. _Sometimes she felt that home was Tarth where she had spent the first seventeen years of her life. More often recently, she thought of it as sitting around the camp fire with Pod and Jaime. Home was feeling safe because she was with people she cared about, rather than because there was a bolt on her door. In this new context, she understood perfectly Sansa's reply.__

 _ _“This isn’t home,” Sansa said rather sadly, glancing at the door as if she thought someone would burst in on them.__

 _ _

“Then will you come with me?” Brienne asked, hoping that she wasn't pushing the child to fast.

“I…I need to think…if you’ll allow it.”

“Of course, but I came here under a guise. I don’t know long I can prolong it.”

“I understand, my lady.” She curtsied, as a natural daughter should before a woman of Brienne's status, but hesitated before she left. “I…You must have searched a long time for me if my mother asked you to save me.”

Brienne nodded curiously, noting the word if. "It was not an easy task."

“I'm glad you kept looking,” Sansa whispered before closing the door behind her.

  
  


Brienne had been gone for two nights. Jaime had been trained to wait patiently in his service to the king. He had spent a great deal of his life waiting for Aerys and Robert to move from room to room. So often had he done that duty that he knew the number of bricks in most halls in the Red Keep. He had waited for Cersei's touch when they were parted. Many woman had gone away disappointed by his rejection. Now, he waited for Brienne to return from her quest, though she alone had not demanded that he do so. He grew bored of fighting trees and trying to remember songs long forgotten. He missed her. Her stubbornness. Her peculiar sense of humor.

_One more day._

 _ _Jaime heard someone riding towards him. He hid like a coward, waiting for them to approach. _Brienne.___

 _ _ _ _“Hail, good lady. What news have you?” He could not keep the smile from his face at the sight of her. Surprisingly, her smile matched his own.____

 _ _ _ _

“We found her,” Brienne claimed jubilantly. "We found her. Pod had to...but I spoke to her. Jaime, she looks so much like Lady Catlyn, I almost couldn't speak. She has her kindness too, and..."

Her smile had never been so carefree. 

"And probably her fondness for Lannisters. Come down, before you fall off your horse in excitement."

"Aren't you happy?" she asked, bemused. "We've found her at last."

"Of course, I can barely contain my ecstasy," he explained as she dismounted, "but someone must keep a clear head. And, in truth, I am hardly surprised." He clapped a hand down on her shoulder. “I knew you would find her, wench.”

He had never seen her so happy. "Thank you, Jaime. Your faith..."

He halted her. "If I wanted to hear someone babble praise as me, wench, I would have paid more attention to the well-being of Cleos Frey. Tell me of the Stark girl."

Brienne continued with a touch less enthusiasm. “I sat down to dinner with Littelfinger and she came in. He’s claimed that she’s his natural born daughter. I couldn’t tell her everything, not right away, but she knows now. I just hope that she will forgive the deception and come with us.”

“She will come with you,” he thought aloud. “You leak trustworthiness like most people leak piss.” Brienne frowned at the impropriety. “Where is Pod? It's unlike him to be farther than arms-length from you.” He made a show of looking around her and Beauty.

“He is there, practicing with the sword. I told Littlefinger I was going for a ride yesterday, but I never went. I thought I should come and let you know that it will take longer than I thought. Luckily, Littlefinger is taking a while to think over my proposal.”

“He has said nothing to you?” Brienne shook her head. “He must have another scheme in the making. I cannot believe he did not jump at the chance to rule Tarth.”

“There is quite a catch.”

“I promise that you are not the deciding factor, wench. He married Lysa Arryn and you are a beauty compared to that woman.” _I owe Cersei for saving me from that. _“Littlefinger is ruled by his brain, not his cock. I doubt that he has taken in Sansa out of the goodness of his heart.”__

 _ _“I think he promised her Winterfell,” Brienne admitted hesitantly.__

 _ _

"You think?"

"Sansa alluded to it. I don't know what else she could have meant."

“Winterfell?” Brienne nodded. _Her birthright. The only way he could promise her Winterfell is if he plans to proclaim her Queen of the bloody North. _Jaime saw more bodies in his mind's eye. “Then we must take her from him whether she wants to go or not.”__

 _ _“I will not take her against her will. I promised her I wouldn’t.”__

 _ _

“You can't help yourself can you? For the Maid of Tarth it's another day, another vow." Her affable expression started to slip. Jaime took a breathe to explain his position. "She is three-and-ten, Brienne, and she does not know Littlefinger. I doubt she knows of his obsession with her mother, not if she hesitated. To her, he is simply the man that rescued her."

"I'd only heard that he and Lady Catlyn grew up together."

"Then you must have heard from someone with some sense. Most people cannot make that claim. I'm sure when he was telling Sansa he probably made it sound like a tale of forbidden love. Like they were just two people who could never be together because of duty and honor.” He found himself unable to look her in the face. “Meanwhile, he told all of Kingslanding that he took her maidenhead.”

Brienne wrinkled her nose. “Lady Catlyn would never do that. I do not believe it.”

“Of course, you don't. It's a lie. A lie most likely meant to ruin her marriage. He is a craven, Brienne, but a clever one. If he has plans for Sansa, it is imperative that you get to her, promise or no.”

Brienne frowned at his declaration, as she was wont to do. Finally she came out with it. “Are you concerned for her or concerned that he will start another war against the Lannister cause?”

Jaime bridled at the question. “Can I not be both? I’m a Lannister, wench. You have to accept that. Tommen is your king now. I am of the kingsguard and I protect his interests.”

“You protect your sister’s interests.” In his mission to get Brienne to see him, he may have gone too far. She saw him clearly now, and she did not like it.

“Think of the girl, Brienne. She will be better off with you.”

“I will not take her against her will,” Brienne repeated fiercely. 

“Then you break your oath for she is not safe where she is. The North was defeated once already, and there is Stannis yet to contend with. The girl may not survive as Sansa Stark. You know that, but you won’t give me the satisfaction of admitting it.”

“I want to take her, Jaime. You do not have to convince me it is for the best. I only argue that taking the child against her will is not right.”

“That is just it. She is a child. She does not know what she is dealing with. If Pod had wanted to join Lady Stoneheart, would you have let him?”

“No,” Brienne denied.

“Why is this different? Because you would be furthering the Lannister cause?”

Brienne crossed her arms and glared at him stubbornly. “She must choose.”

Jaime rolled his eyes and raised his hand in surrender. “I cannot argue with you when you are like this.”

“Then don’t. I only came here to tell you I found her. I’ll take my leave if you like.”

“You don’t have to do that,” he called. “I’m sure we can speak civilly.”

“Of what?”

Why must he lead every conversation as if she were a child? “Why is it that we can turn the happiest event into an argument? After all you’ve been through to find the silly girl, we are at each other’s throats like dogs when we should be celebrating our victory.”

“We see things differently, ser. I am…” she let the thought trail off.

“Honorable and I am not?” _It always comes back to that. I will never be good enough._

 _ _Brienne’s nostrils flared at his attempt to complete her thought. “That is not it, Jaime. You always...I know you are honorable, ser, but in your own way.”__

 _ _

He was pleasantly surprised at the recognition. “Less and less in my own way. You know, I don’t remember putting you in charge of this quest.” He said it more as a jape than as a complaint. He was rather proud of the way she had assumed leadership. 

“Perchance you remember granting me your sword. I swore to restore your honor and I swore to Lady Catlyn. It is my quest, ser. You should…” She stopped herself abruptly.

“Finish that thought.”

“It was nothing,” she growled, “You have heard it before.”

“Perhaps the second time it will take.” 

Brienne sighed. “You shouldn’t even be here, ser. Your duty it to your king, not to Sansa Stark.”

“My fourth king, let’s not forget. My fourth king who is also my third child. That’s twice as detestable, don’t you think?”

“I know you dislike Kingslanding, but you agreed to the courtly life when you took the white cloak. You cannot escape it through the girl. Not forever. You aren’t here for her, you are here to avoid your sister.” 

“I came back for _you _.”__

 _ _“And do not mistake me, I’m happy for your company.”__

 _ _

“Clearly,” he muttered.

“But I don’t want to be your excuse, Jaime.” She met his eyes for a moment. “No more than Sansa Stark. She is my responsibility and I will make the decision."

“That was my argument, Brienne. _You _must make that decision, not Sansa Stark. I didn’t seek to overthrow you as Commander of the Unwanted.” She stared at him blankly. Jaime considered banging his head against the nearest rock. “Just consider it.”__

 _ _“I truly must leave. It is a long ride and I would be back by dark.”__

 _ _

“Then I’ll see you when you return."

“I…I promise you that I will do my best to convince Sansa to come with us,” she said by way of apology.

“Do that. But you had best not mention me. The Kingslayer has never inspired confidence in anyone.” 

“Y…That is untrue,” she said, blushing. Jaime watched her, making her color all the more. The statement touched him at his core. 

“I noticed that you have removed your bandage,” he said softly, placing his hand on her cheek. She barely nodded as he gently ran his thumb over the scar. There was a marked change in atmosphere that made his heart pound expectantly. All that surrounded them was the hush of the fallen snow and the warmth of each other. He pulled away, suddenly aware that they were completely alone for the first time since the Quiet Isle. “You had best get going then,” he said, braking the circle of closeness that he had created.

She cleared her throat. “Yes, I’ll see you in a few days,” she said as she mounted her horse. “Be careful, Jaime.”

“You as well.”

As she left, he leaned his back against a tree. He smiled when she came and scowled when she left. Brienne had only been gone a scarce minute and he missed her already. What was he supposed to call that if not…Jaime could only ignore it so long. His first kiss had been in sympathy. The last kiss had been different. The idea had hatched innocently enough. In how many stories did the maiden send her knight away with a kiss for luck? The twist on the familiar had appealed to him, but that wasn't why he did it. The explanation of luck had been hanging in the air so he had taken advantage. In truth, Jaime had kissed her because he wanted to feel her lips. He couldn't imagine not wanting to, not taking advantage whenever the opportunity arose. But _only _when the opportunity arose. To admit to feelings that could never be would make it worse. _How did I phrase it? Two people separated by duty and honor? More like trapped by duty and honor. Suffocated by duty and honor._ He'd sworn a vow to the Kingsguard and she had to marry for the sake of Tarth. Hyle had said it true. All he could was dishonor her. __

__Jaime hit his head against the tree as if that would make everything go right again. It didn’t.__

 _ _

  
  


Brienne had gone for a ride. Pod knew that he should practice the sword, but he couldn’t. Unbidden, he had gone up the stairs and knocked on Lady Sansa’s door. There was no response. He started to knock again, but hesitated. _It’s for the best. I don’t know what to say anyway._

The door swung inward. “I’m sorry, I was dressing. I…” She saw him and her eyes widened. “Come in.” She hustled him into the room, glancing around the empty hall. 

He felt that it was his turn to speak. “A…Are you well, my lady?”

“Yes, very well. And you?” He nodded. She sat down on the edge of her bed so that he might sit in a chair. “I remember you. Podrick Payne. You’re Lord Tyrion’s squire,” she whispered.

“Yes. No. I mean I was. Now, I’m with ser, Lady Brienne.”

He noticed she was looking at his hand as he spoke. The bandage was caked with dirt. “Are you injured? Do you need a surgeon?”

“No. I lost a finger. To outlaws.”

“I’m sorry to have caused that. I'm sure you were very brave.” He wished he had the courage to look her in the face. She sounded sincerely distressed. 

“No, it…It was…I’m glad that you’re safe.” 

“You as well. Last I knew…” She moved away from him. “Could you help me?” Sansa gestured to a trunk at the foot of her bed. Together they lifted it from the floor and moved it in front of the door. “Lord Robert likes to come in unannounced,” she explained. “I have learned a few things from Lord Baelish so that I can have moments to myself.”

“Is he kind to you?”

“Yes,” she replied automatically. “But…he is a complicated man. Two men, it seems.”

_Much like Ser Jaime, _Pod thought.__

 _ _“I’m glad you’re alright. I thought they might have arrested you with Lord Tyrion.”__

 _ _

He shook his head. “He…I don’t know where he is. Do you?” His question was too abrupt. He cursed himself for hoping that they would have fled together. They were never close.

Lady Sansa shook her head and her brown hair waved gently in the air. “Lord Baelish smuggled me out that night. I heard that Tyrion escaped later.” She kept glancing around as if they would be overheard. “He was innocent.”

Pod nodded. “I knew.”

“But he did not take you with him?”

Pod shook his head still looking at her shoes. He tried to hide the depth of his hurt.

“Then I am sure he was trying to protect you. He was very fond of you,” she said politely.

“Th…Thank you, my lady.”

“Please don’t address me like that here. Here I am Alayne, and Alayne is not a lady. Please, look at me.” He did as she bid and felt his cheeks grow hot. She was even prettier than he remembered her, though he had liked her red hair. “Call me Alayne.”

Her eyes distracted him. “Yes, my… Alayne,” he stuttered and backtracked. “Not…not my Alayne, my lady. I meant, Alayne. I’m sorry.” He dropped his gaze again. _You are not this stupid._

“You have nothing to apologize for,” she said gently. “Did Lady Brienne send you to give a message to me?”

He pursed his lips. “No. No, I just…I wanted to…to make sure that you were okay.”

“That was kind of you.”

“And I wanted to ask about Lord Tyrion!” he remembered in a burst. “He was…why. I’ll go.” He started to turn away but she touched his arm.

“If you can take a moment, may I ask you something about Lady Brienne?”

He assented. 

“Is she...?” Sansa looked for the right word, but Pod knew what she was asking.

“Yes,” Pod assured her.

Sansa examined him. “You trust her?”

“She could have left me on the road where she found me, instead she took me with her. She is kinder than anyone I have ever met. Except Lord Tyrion,” he added, feeling guilty for implying otherwise.

“Kind,” Sansa echoed as if she vaguely remembered the word. She studied herself in her looking glass “If you had a chance, would you go home?” She looked towards him with earnest eyes. He could feel them on him.

His parade of caretakers played in front of him. “I…I don’t know. Everyone who has ever taken care of me left me or…or they died.” He shrugged because he did not know what else to say. _I've never had a home. Not truly. _The closest he had come was Kingslanding.__

 _ _“Except Lady Brienne.” She clasped her hands into her lap thoughtfully.__

 _ _

“Yes. I…I should go. I have to…I have things.”

She nodded distractedly. “Thank you for coming, Pod.” Together they moved the trunk from the door.

“It was good to see you, my lady. Alayne!” he corrected in panic. “Don’t worry. I…I’ll remember,” Pod promised. He could not bear to look at her as he left. He had always had a stumbletongue, but it got worse when he was nervous. It had gotten better recently. With Lady Brienne, it was less pronounced than it had been even with Lord Tyrion. Sometimes he had conversations with Ser Jaime where he hardly stumbled once. Yet, in front of Lady Sansa he could not string more than five words together. And for all his trouble, she knew nothing of Lord Tyrion.

Pod slumped back to his quarters, feeling more alone than he had since he had found Lady Brienne. He watched eagerly for her return and hugged her round the waist when he knew that no one was watching. 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried a Pod point of view. I really love the idea of Pod and Sansa just hanging out and being kids together, but I also think that he's got a way to go to get there.


	11. Attachment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne returns and speaks with Pod, Sansa, and Littlefinger. It doesn't sound so exciting written like that, but whatever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confession. I really love Pod and I wish he got more time in the books. 
> 
> Sorry these chapters are so short now, but I'm rewriting all of them because they were terrible.
> 
> The lack of emphasis is still not my fault because sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. It's driving me crazy. Sorry.

Brienne was worried about Pod. When she had returned, the first thing he had done was check to see that they were alone and then fling his arms around her. He had promised that he was fine, but she did not believe him. She eyed the other squires in the yard with malice. If they were picking on Pod because of his size or injury, she would have to deal with them. 

“I spoke to L…Alayne,” he said as he let her go.

“You did?” Brienne asked in surprise. 

“Yes. I’m sorry, I know I should have been training.”

“You needed a rest.” The idea of Pod speaking openly with Sansa was intriguing and frightening. They had known each other before so she might trust him, but the boy could have revealed too much in his intent to please. “What did you speak of?”

“You, my lady. And…” He shifted uncomfortably. “And I was hoping that she might know where Lord Tyrion is.” Brienne felt an unexpected sting of rejection at his words. In the course of their journey, she had all but forgotten about Pod’s search for Tyrion. It was strange to think that he was not officially bound to her after all they had been through. _Pod is not yours. He’s not truly your squire, nor is he kin. He’s free to do as he likes._

 _ _“Did she know?” she asked, involuntarily holding her breath. He shook his head. She sighed with the weight of her relief.__

 _ _

“Are you angry that I spoke with her?” He made a line in the dirt with the tip of his boot.

“No, you did nothing wrong,” she hurried to assure him. They settled into a silence, wherein Pod took care of Beauty, but Brienne could think of little else save his eagerness to find his lord. She had rather enjoyed being needed for something other than her strength. In truth, she depended on Pod just as much as he depended on her. “What will you do if you find him?” she asked, trying to sound as if the wrong answer would not cut her to her very core. 

Pod shrugged his thin shoulders, dejectedly. “I don’t think it matters, ser…I’ll never find him.” His answer was not what she might have hoped. _Did you think he would promise never to leave your service? I cannot expect anymore from him. He’s just a boy._

 _ _“We found Alayne,” Brienne reminded him gently.__

 _ _

He made a strange face. “But it wasn’t easy. I don’t know, ser. I…I would like to see him again.”

Brienne swallowed dryly. She wanted Pod to find solace, but... “I’m sure he wants that too.” 

Pod looked even more doubtful. “He could be dead for all we know.”

“Or he might be alive, wishing that you were there to pour his wine.”

Pod smiled up at her. “Ser Jaime said something like that, except…” He stopped, embarrassed. “I’d like to think that’s true. Lord Tyrion did drink a lot.”

“I’ve heard tell.”

“It might be enough, you know. T…to know what happened. Maybe.” He glanced at her.

“Maybe,” she echoed, wondering how long Pod would stay with her now that their quest was complete. _Perhaps if I told him that Jaime set Tyrion free, he would be sated. _She said nothing, unable to betray Jaime's trust again.__

 _ _“Lady Sansa didn’t like when he was drunk,” Pod remembered. Brienne’s eyes snapped to his apprehensively, but he dismissed her fears. “Not…Not that. He was never cruel. He was just never very good at walking and…Even when he was stone sober he…” Pod flushed at mentioning his Lord’s weakness.__

 _ _

Brienne decided that she was tired of speaking of Tyrion. She had never met the man and yet, between Jaime and Pod, it seemed that half her conversations revolved back to him. “Did Alayne say that she would come with us?” she muttered over to him.

“Wh…? Oh, I…I didn’t ask.” She felt a hint of irritation.

“You did not mention our other traveler did you?” 

Pod shook his head. “I don’t think so.” That, at least, was a relief.

“Good. We know that he wants the best for her, but I fear she would not believe in his good intentions. I’m not sure how much she knows about their houses’…disputes.”

“I won’t say anything.”

She nodded and tried to smile. “Then if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to wash the dirt from my face.” She left him looking thoughtful. 

The next morning Brienne found herself sitting on her bed, frozen. She had considered going onto the grounds or for another ride to Jaime, but she did not feel up to the task of facing anyone, especially Littlefinger or Podrick. She had gone as far as to put on her cloak, before sitting back down. Then, as if by fate, there was a knock at her door.

It was Lady Sansa, looking curiously determined. Brienne ushered her into the room. “I’m sorry, my lady, were you going out?”

_A good question. I lecture Jaime on avoiding his sister, yet I’m trapped in my room for fear of running into my squire. _“No, I wasn’t.” Brienne removed her cloak rather guiltily. “Did you want to speak to me?” _Of course she wanted to speak to you, why else come to your room.___

 _ _ _ _“I would have sent a messenger, but this is a delicate matter,” Sansa hesitated to address her point.____

 _ _ _ _

“Of course.”

“Is Pod not here, my lady?”

“He’s probably in the yard.”

“Of course. I was worried he could not practice with his bandages.”

“There's no need to worry. He does very well.” Brienne wondered momentarily if he had told Sansa something that he was keeping from her.

“I’m glad to hear it, my lady.” Sansa ran a hand up her arm.

“Have you heard about my dress?” Brienne offered.

The girl shook her head gratefully. “No, but I’m sure it will be very beautiful. She’s not made me any dresses, but Lady Lysa has a few from many years ago that are exemplary, my lady.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I hope I get the chance to wear it before I leave.”

“I had not thought of that, my lady. I could tell her to rush it for you.” The girl grabbed onto the idea like it were a lifesource.

“It will be fine either way.”

“No, I’d hate to think that you wasted the money. I could go tell her right now, my lady, so that it will be finished in time.” She clearly meant to flee.

“Alayne,” Brienne mimicked the soft tone that Jaime used to get her to speak, “what did you want to say?”

Sansa nodded and let out a long breath. “W…Would you take me to the wall?”

Brienne frowned. She had feared as much. “My lady…”

She seemed to anticipate Brienne’s hesitation. “It’s…Jon is all the family I have left.”

“It will be a long, arduous journey, my lady. Winter is here and the North will be covered in snow. I could take you there, but it would be dangerous. And far from comfortable. Even still, I might risk it, but there are no women of the Night’s Watch. It might not be safe for a young lady there, and we would have to make the journey back.”

For an instant, Sansa looked like she might cry, but the expression disappeared so fast Brienne might have imagined it. “If…if I go with you now, will you promise to take me there when Spring comes?”

“Yes, that I can promise, but it will be years from now.”

“I understand. It has been years already. Where will you go in the meantime?” Brienne tried not to be discouraged by her word choice. 

“To Tarth, I think. You would be safest there, away from the fighting.”

Sansa considered it. “Lord Baelish will be angry. He had plans for me, and he does not take them lightly.”

If he took revenge, it would have to be a private one. “We will deal with that when the time comes. Are you saying that you will come with me?”

Sansa set her shoulders. “Yes.” _It is not as if she has many options._

 _ _“Then we will leave tonight so that there is less chance of discovery. I dare not stay under Littlefinger’s scrutiny any longer.”__

 _ _

Sansa but her lip. “I had thought of that. I have a plan if you’ll allow it.” Brienne nodded her permission. “Then I will speak with Lord Baelish. Can you meet me in the stables tomorrow morning at dawn?”

Brienne nodded. “I think you are making the right decision, my lady,” she reassured the child.

There was a beat of silence when Sansa might have reconsidered her choice. “I often thought about escaping when we were at the Eyrie where it was so deathly quiet. It was better here." 

"But for how long, my lady?"

"I know you're right, and I’ve made my decision,” she said, “for good or ill.”

After Sansa left, Brienne was pulling at her clothes only to be interrupted once more. This time a messenger stood on the other side of her chamber door. “Lord Baelish wishes for you to join him at supper.”

“I would be happy to.”

“He requests that you wear this.” The man handed her a green dress. She had gotten away with one refusal. To refuse a dress the second time would be an insult. 

“Of course.” Now, she wished that she had sent Sansa after the dress she had commissioned. Unfortunately, she would have to leave it behind not having worn it. It would probably never be worn, for who else could it possibly fit?

As predicted the green dress was too short and thin. Her shoulders almost tore the fabric and the bust was so loose that her chest was completely visible. She found a sewing needle in her room and bunched up the fabric in the front of her garment. _If only Jaime were here to sew it for me _, she thought as she took the needle to the material.__

 _ _The dress looked absurd, but she had worn worse. She tried not to hunch over as she walked so as to project confidence. It worked until she entered the dining hall and all eyes turned to her. She felt her whole body turn red as she rushed to her seat.__

 _ _

“I am honored that you wore my dress, my lady.” Littlefinger said without a hint at a smile.

“I only wish that I did it justice, my lord.”

“I must apologize. I know you did not admire the pink one and it is difficult to find a dress to fit a woman of your unique stature. It becomes you.” 

“Thank you, my lord.”She felt her back prickle with sweat.

Some of his lords snickered at that. Fortunately, she was mostly ignored through the dinner as complaints came of one thing or another. It seemed that Littlefinger was trying to win over the lords of the Vale. His cleverness was on full display that night as he swiftly steered the conversation from topic to topic. Each time Brienne sensed trouble, it seemed to vanish in the flow of words. 

He asked that she join him for a walk after their meal, and she accepted over the rim of her goblet. She drank more than usual after in order to try and calm her nerves. 

“I have thought about your proposal,” he said when they were alone.

Witnessing Littlefinger’s talents had done nothing to quiet the worries that plagued her, despite the wine. “And your decision?” She shouldn’t have been bothered; it didn't truly matter either way. 

“I have decided to accept.” Brienne was stunned into silence. He studied her face carefully. “Are you not happy?”

“I…I am…of a sort. I am happy to do my duty by Tarth,” she recited her line.

“But you do not want to marry?” he guessed.

“No.” She had thought about marriage often with mixed feelings. She had three failed engagements behind her and two proposals before her. Of course, after she stole Sansa from him, Littlefinger was likely to retract his acceptance. “I do not mean to put you off, but I would be honest with you.” 

“How unconventional. Then I must admit that it is not you that I am after. But you knew that already.”

“Yes.” She had to consciously slow her pace as they walked for her legs were far longer than his. “I’ve always known that my husband would value Tarth more than me.” What she had hoped for was another circumstance entirely.

“I must admit I was seduced by the idea of Tarth, but I will be a good husband. My late wife would attest to it if she had not been taken from me so cruelly.”

“I’m sure, my lord. I hope I did not insult you.”

The man shook his head. “I know how apprehensive you must be about marrying an older widow as Lysa suffered from a similar experience.” His kindness took Brienne by surprise.

“A…Any maiden would be.”

“I just want to assure you that I have had other women in my time, and your wedding night will not be as dutiful as you think.”

Brienne thought about Jaime’s comment. “I…That is a relief, my lord.”

He seemed satisfied with her response. “I hear that you offered to take Alayne for a ride tomorrow.”

“Yes, she is a special girl.”

“She is. I wonder if you see how special.”

Brienne squeezed her fingernails into her palm. “I’m sure I will tomorrow, my lord.”

“I’m glad you’re getting to know the girl since we’re to be wed. She is still my daughter, natural or not.”

Brienne’s mouth was dry. “That was my intent. I hope you are as pleased with the arrangement as I am.”

“More, I should think. Though I cannot marry you for some time and I need the engagement to be a quiet one for now. The lords of the Vale would not like me to marry again so quickly. That is my one condition. If my people got wind of the arrangement, I would have to deny it, and we would both look the fool.”

“I understand. I will tell no one…save my lord father. If you will excuse me, I must rise early tomorrow.”

“Of course, but you are unsteady on your feet.” He grabbed her elbow. It was true that her head was muddled, but she was far from physically hampered.

“I must have had more wine than I thought.”

“An easy thing to do, but a perilous thing for a virtuous lady. I will walk you back to your room.” He proceeded to do so. When they reached her door he turned to her, grabbing a strand of her dry yellow hair. “Shall we seal the bargain with a kiss?” If he was disgusted by the idea, he hid it well.

“I don’t think it necessary.” 

“It would ease my mind. I hate to think of a woman your age who have never been kissed.”

“I have been kissed, my lord.” She resented his implication and his familiarity. He needn’t know that she had only been kissed a few scarce weeks ago.

“You must tell me who was so brave as to steal a kiss from the fierce Maid of Tarth.”

_Jaime Lannister _. “A…a stableboy who won a black-eye for his trouble.”__

 _ _“Hmmm. I would have thought it was one of your fiancés.” _That would have been a better lie _. “Come, I can tell the lie in your eyes. They are pretty eyes, in truth.”____

 _ _ _ _“I…” Before she had time to finish her thought, or close her lips, his mouth was on hers and his hand was pulling her head down towards him. It took all her power not to push him away. His lips were insistent; his tongue was worse. When he let her be, she tried desperately to not look as revolted as she felt. “That…that is a kiss I will remember, my lord, but it’s late and I must retire. Good night.” He stayed close to her as she spoke, giving her the distinct impression that he was not planning on saying goodnight. She remained firm.____

 _ _ _ _

“Hmm. Yes, but we must keep it to ourselves for now," he relented. "Sleep well, my lady.”

Brienne nodded and closed the door safely behind her. She continued to feel his touch long after he left her. The water in her tub was inviting, but she could not bring herself to take off her clothes just yet. Hyle had offered to steal into her bed, and she was sure that Petyr had been pushing for the same. _Perhaps I was mistaken. He did leave without being asked, and it could hardly have been motivated by desire. He has access to many women more attractive than me. Why would be want to get in bed before he has too?_

To bind me to him, she answered herself. Hadn’t Jaime told her he had tried the same thing with Lady Catlyn? If she slept with him, she would be forced to keep the betrothal. Otherwise, a secret betrothal could be easily dissolved. It had not been kindness he had shown during there conversation but insight. Brienne got up from the bed and pushed her dresser in front of the door with a mighty heave. _A trusting maiden will not be a maiden for long._

She tried to center her thoughts on Sansa or Pod, but they kept drifting back to Littlefinger. His tongue. His grip. The way he had lingered near her expecting more. Instead, she tried to picture Jaime. Jaime, who had saved her from rape. She saw him striding toward her in the bathhouse, straddling her to shield her from the bear, and kissing her softly. _Take this with you when you go_. 

Feeling better, Brienne slid into the water. Littlefinger’s action had served to remind her how important it was that Sansa and herself escape his reach. Quickly. Perhaps Sansa had not seen the demanding side of him, but that she would eventually be subject to it, Brienne had no doubt.

She slept little that night, dreaming of helplessness and bloodshed. The next morning, she awoke groggily and pulled on her clothes. She met Sansa and Pod at the stables. It was a cold, crisp morning. The air helped to clear Brienne’s head and shake off the cloud of Littlefinger. Together the three of them set off down the road. 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments and kudos keep me going when I'm unmotivated. Thanks for everything!


	12. Bigs things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang flees the castle, but with a knight. They meet up with Jaime.

They were barely past the gate when they heard hooves behind them. Brienne turned, hiding her fear. 

A man rode toward them with an air of purpose. “I hope you do not mind if I join you, my lady. Lord Baelish wished for you to have extra protection on the ride.”

Pod glanced at Brienne, looking for instruction. “I serve as my own protection.” Her hand slid to the hilt of _Oathkeeper _. “And my squire will be accompanying us as well. We will have no need of you.”__

“His lord insisted,” he said almost apologetically.

“He said nothing to me, Ser Tobb.” Sansa added, staring at the hand Brienne had placed on her sword.

The man shrugged his massive shoulders. “The hills are dangerous. I’m sure he wanted a soldier he knew to watch over his daughter. No offense to you or the boy, my lady.”

“Of course.”

“And don’t worry, I won’t be in your way. I don’t want any part in your womanly conversations.” He smiled good-naturedly.

“Then we will be glad for your sword.” Brienne placed a calming hand on Pod’s shoulder for the color had drained from his face.

“Are you alright, lad?” the man asked.

“He’s still recovering from his injury, ser,” she explained. 

“I’d heard a brave man had lost his finger protecting his lady. That was well done.”

“Th…thanks,” Pod muttered. He seemed unsure of what to make of the man. That made two of them.

They started trotting away from the gate and their protector stayed true to his word. He hovered behind them, giving them what privacy he could without losing sight of them.

“You know him.” Brienne whispered to Sansa. 

She nodded. “Only for a short while. He speaks of his children often.” Sansa looked into the distance without seeing. “You won’t kill him, will you?” 

The idea left a bitter taste in Brienne’s mouth. “No, not if I have a choice. Though I can make no promises.” _Especially for Jaime ___

“He’s an innocent, old man.”

_Old men are not always so innocent _. “We will have to do something, my lady. He cannot come with us to Tarth. We will need to make a decision. Soon.” _Before we meet Jaime _. Sansa looked at her suspiciously. _I could tell her now _. Brienne thought of the man following behind them. Ser Tobb was a man that Sansa already trusted. If she knew of Jaime, she would undoubtedly turn to him. “He will be suspicious when we do not turn around at midday.”______

The girl accepted this. “Perhaps we could leave him without his horse? He would live.”

_Until he returned without the heir to the North. _“It’s a good thought, my lady.”__

“There was a man in Kingslanding. He was killed in the escape.”

“I’m sorry, Lady Sansa. I did not know.”

“Petyr said that he would have told someone, but I think he just wanted to save me.” She looked at Brienne with Lady Catlyn’s eyes. “ _Please _, don't kill this man.”__

Brienne gave in to the girl and her conscience “I promise.” In her mind, she heard Jaime’s voice berating her. What if the man found them out and attacked? What if they left him alone in the wilderness? Guilt ate at her as they rode on. Whatever she chose, the fate of Ser Tobb would be far from what he had imagined when he had set out with them that morning. 

When finally she looked up from Beauty’s mane, she realized they were nearing Jaime. “Did I mention we have another person in our company, my lady?” she asked as if she could not quite remember.

“No.” Sansa eyed her suspiciously again. 

“I must warn him so that he does not attack. I will ride ahead and we’ll await your arrival. Give me time if you can. He is an impatient man.”

“Who is he?”

“There is no time, my lady. I’ll explain later.” Brienne took off without a backwards glance.

After a solid ten minutes of hard riding, she spotted Jaime’s rock from her perch. The man himself appeared a moment later. 

“Back again. If I did not know any better, my lady, I would…”

“Jaime,” she interrupted him. Now that she found herself in front of him, she realized that she had too much to say and no time to say it. 

“What is it, wench?” As the whole story tumbled from her mouth, Jaime’s expression went from joyous to hard. “You might not want to kill him, wench, but he will likely die anyway.”

“You have lasted on your own for days.”

“I am not most men.”

“And you have had supplies.” They would have to leave the man with something.

“And that,” he admitted.

"We will give enough supplies and take his horse for you. We loose nothing.”

“We don’t gain anything either.”

“We gain a horse.”

“True, but had you made it here on your own we might have faked your death and earned ourselves some protection. As it is, he will die and we won’t benefit.”

“No one should benefit from death.”

“You cannot be that naïve.”

She was, though. She remembered throwing money into Crabbs’ grave. “And I…I promised Lady Sansa that I would not kill him.”

“Of course you did.”

“You might have done the same, ser, had she asked.”

“Somehow, I doubt it.” So did she.

“He’s an innocent man.”

“No one is truly innocent Brienne. He does not deserve death from what we know, but it may be granted to him anyway.”

“But not by us.”

“I swore no oath, even if I had it would make little difference, remember?”

“You are the one who will not forget, ser.” _He wears the label Kingslayer like an armor _. “We do not have this time to argue. The others will be here any moment and you cannot look so much like a Lannister. They will recognize you.”__

He had smiled at her description, but frowned at the last statement. “You have not told her,” Jaime surmised.

“I planned to tell her on the way, but we were not alone and I did not want to send her into the arms of Littlefinger again.”

“I am not the only one who won’t forget,” he growled. “How do you suggest I look less like a Lannister? We haven’t the time to shave my head again. Something I should be thankful for I suppose.”

Brienne dug through the snow on the ground to reach the dirt below. 

“I am dirty enough, wench. I’ll hide under my hood. It will hide my face and my hand for now. You know you will have to tell them both the truth sometime.”

“We will deal with Ser Todd when he arrives, but she needn’t know about you until tonight.” She watched his eyes to make sure that he agreed.

“Something to look forward to then. If I had wanted all this damn subterfuge I would have gone to Kingslanding.”

“I don’t enjoy it either. In fact, there’s something that…” _I shouldn’t tell him of Littlefinger. He will only take it out on Ser Tobb. _Her stomach turned at the memory.__

“Something else wrong?” he asked, concernedly, his eyes probing hers. She might have kissed him then. What was the worse thing he could do? Reject her? _Yes. _Her fear quickly buried the impulse.__

Jaime seemed to have realized something. “Littlefinger accepted you, didn’t he?”

“How did you know?”

“I can feel the displeasure rolling off you.”

“It might have been from you, ser,” she said lightly, teasing. It felt unfamiliar, but Jaime looked pleased.

“I would like to think that the thought of me does not accompany that expression.”

“No.” _The thought of you is what cures it _. “I hear them coming. Show patience.” He was irritated by the unsubtle reminder.__

 _  
  
_

_

At first glance, Ser Tobb looked like a mighty warrior. Only with careful observation did Jaime see the jerkiness of movement that gave away his age.

“We should find Lady Brienne soon,” Ser Tobb said to Sansa and Pod, who rode on either side of him. 

“I’m here,” Brienne said stepping into the road. “I hoped we might stop for a rest and have the food that we brought.” 

“I wouldn’t say no to getting off this horse,” Ser Tobb claimed as he dismounted. Pod and Sansa did that same, looking around for Jaime. “Did you have a nice ride, my lady?”

“It was very refreshing.” _Get on with it _, Jaime thought. She was hesitating, not wanting to put the old man on his guard. “Would you help me with the saddle pack?”__

 _ _“Of course, my lady. Let me do that.” As he turned to bring the food out for all of them, Brienne brought him to his knees, holding his arms behind his back. “Pod, get his sword.” The boy did as she bid, but unhappily.__

 _ _

“What is this?” Tobb demanded of her. 

“A rescue I should think,” Jaime said stepping out of the trees. “Don’t worry, you’re not in any danger from her. The wench promised not to take your life. On the other hand, I swore no such oath.”

“You won’t harm him or I will go back to the MoonGate,” Sansa pronounced from atop her mare.

“If I harm him, how do you intend on getting there?” he asked, examining the girl. She was prettier than her mother had been. It was no wonder that poor Pod had been in such a rush to find her. She had her mother’s steel as well.

“J…” Brienne had been about to address him. “Just keep calm. No one need be hurt.”

“What do you mean to do with me?” Ser Tobb asked. To his credit, the man seemed to grasp the situation fast enough, even Sansa’s part in it.

“Nothing,” Jaime answered simply. “We will take your horse, leave you food, and do absolutely nothing to you.”

“What of my sword?”

“Ah. A fine question. What of his sword, my lady?”

“We will leave it for his oath that he will not follow us.”

It was not a wise decision, but it was so very like Brienne that he could hardly argue. She could not leave the man defenseless. 

“What are you doing Alayne?” Tobb asked sadly. “Running away from your father for a squire boy?”

“You do not understand,” Sansa said looking very guilty. She opened her mouth to say more.

“And he won’t,” Jaime put an end to whatever the girl had been thinking. Brienne still held the man to the ground. “There is no sense in prolonging this. Pod, hand me the sword and mount your horse.”

“I have a right to know my capture,” Ser Tobb complained.

“You do, ser. It’s Brienne of Tarth in case you’ve forgotten.”

“And what of you?”

“ _I _would only tell you because you have the right to know who took your life. Do you still want to know?” He smiled.__

 _ _The old man fell silent as Jaime mounted his horse. It was a fidgety thing, but obviously not overly loyal as he turned around with little trouble.__

 _ _

Threatening the man with his own sword, Jaime instructed Brienne to let him up. “Swear you will not follow us, and I will give you your sword. It is a good bargain as you could not catch us on foot anyway.”

“Alayne, think of what you’re doing girl. Taking up with bandits.”

Jaime huffed. “We’re hardly bandits. You think bandits would give you supplies and a sword? Do you think the Maid of Tarth roves with bandits, killing kings and ripping Westeros apart?” They paid him little mind.

The girl looked serious enough. “I’ll be fine Ser Tobb. I swear.” _No wonder she gets along with Brienne _.__

 _ _“Then so do I. I won’t follow you so long as I get my sword.”__

 _ _

“Good man,” Jaime commented. As they rode away from Ser Tobb and a good portion of their food, he tossed the sword onto the ground. They drove the horses hard until he was far behind them.

It was a quiet ride. Brienne was troubled by something, most likely the dishonor of a false engagement. Pod was dividing his attention between watching both persons of the female persuasion, and Sansa seemed to be contemplating her recent choices.

After half a day’s ride, Jaime was glad to settle in for the night someplace at least a little warmer than his makeshift home of the past week. No one else seemed to share his pleasure. “Pod, I think we might risk a fire tonight. I survived days without attack. For the moment, I think the hill tribes must be on the other side of the hill.” As Pod set to work, Brienne pulled Jaime off to the side of camp.

“Are you planning on breaking the news to her now?" he asked. "You needn’t be so anxious. She’ll see the truth of my intentions eventually, and she has no where else to go until then.”

“It’s not that. I’ll sure you’ll win her over as you won me over.”

“Hopefully not, I only have the one hand left.” He thought he saw a smile on her face.

“Jaime, what do I do? He accepted.” Something was wrong beyond the scope of a proposal. He had noticed the same note of turmoil in her earlier.

“I don’t know why you’re so surprised that he accepted. I told you that he might. I told you that any man would be lucky to marry you. Why do I bother speaking when you clearly don’t retain a word of it.” 

“I never really thought…”

“It does make things more complicated. Though it is not too late to return with the girl if you wish to marry him.”

“It isn’t funny, Jaime. I made a fool of him. Twice. Do you think that will sit well with a man like that?”

“It will teach him not to underestimate you in future.” Brienne did not agree. “We will be fine. Littlefinger is not a fighter nor is he the kind of man that inspires loyalty. Forget him, my lady.” He placed his hand on her arm.

She would not look at him. “He kissed me.”

Jaime felt his blood begin to boil at the idea of Littlefinger touching her with his vile hands. Both of them. He wanted to skewer the bastard. “Then someday you can repay him with the kiss of your blade.” _And I’ll do the same _. “Was it just a kiss?” He wanted to make sure he understood the extent of her distress.__

 _ _“He…I think he wanted…” He could see the bastard trying his best to fuck her in order to stake his claim. How could you justify pushing sex on someone who could barely articulate it? Jaime waited for the rage to fade but it didn’t.__

 _ _

For a moment for could barely speak, and then he could not stop. “That weasel-faced bastard. I cannot believe…No, I believe it well. Those are the mind-games of a man that small. Taking a maiden under his roof so he can fuck her before the wedding. He probably meant to call it off afterwards just so he could say that he fucked the famous Maid of Tarth. If he makes any such claim, I will cut his tongue from his mouth. Or would his head please you more, my lady? Severed, of course.” _Pia found it very satisfying._

 _ _“No, Jaime, please…” There was something in her plea that curtailed his anger. Not something in her plea. It was the fact that she was pleading at all. Pleading with him. She gripped his arm now, as if he were the one in need.__

 _ _

His fury was not what Brienne wanted or needed. Brienne was a woman capable of taking her own revenge if she wanted it. “I’m sorry, my lady. Truly. Forgive me,” he asked. 

“You have done nothing wrong.”

“A novel idea, but it was my ingenious plan that put you in that horrible position.”

“It was a good plan, Jaime. It worked. Littlefinger was the one who put me in that position.” She was comforting him again. Had he unwittingly done the same thing to Cersei in his time?

“What do you need, Brienne? Anything?” She simply observed his boots. “A sparing match? Though it could hardly be called a match.” He squeezed her arm playfully, but she still stared at the ground.

“I cannot get it out of my head, ser. I was…revolted. I had not felt that way since…” Jaime knew she was thinking of the time that he had abandoned her with Vargo Hoat. He had much to make up for.

“What would you have me do?” he asked earnestly.

“I…” she struggled to speak. Suddenly, she leaned forward in a clumsy rush, as if to kiss him. _We can’t _. He caught her shoulders with one hand and one stump. “Brienne…” he whispered, as the implications of his action caught up with him.__

 _ _At the abrupt stop, she colored into an atrocious shade of red. “I…I’m sorry… I’m sorry, ser….I…” She was devastated. He read it clearly on her face. Devastated, confused, and mortified.__

 _ _

“No! No,” he said desperately. She ran from him. “It’s not….Brienne!” he called, but she was already gone. He roared in frustration, picking up a stick from the ground and hurling it at a nearby oak. He missed. _Smoothly done, Lannister _.__

 _ _How could he explain to her that he was only a taint? It was something she should have already known. Something she should have internalized by now. _She _should be the one putting a stop to it, not him.____

 _ _ _ _He could not shake the pain in her countenance from his mind. Perhaps he should have kissed her. What would have been the harm to give her pleasure instead of pain? Perhaps it would have been innocent, but it might have been everything that he imagined.____

 _ _ _ _

He trudged back to camp through the dark trees. The flames from their fire highlighted the scarred tissue of her cheek. “Brienne,” he placed his hand on her shoulder, but she shook it off. _I have always been reviled for my greatest acts _. Jaime moved to the other side of camp feeling more cut off from her than ever. In his angst, he had not realized how far she had let him in. Now, that connection was severed, leaving him alone again.__

 _ _  
  
__

__

“Are you alright, ser?” Pod asked, watching Jaime bed down far from the group.

“I’m fine,” Brienne snapped. _How could I have been so stupid? _Jaime kissed her to make her feel better, but she had no right to demand it from him. She had concocted an entire romance in her head. Of course, Jaime was just being kind. Yet somehow, his kindness felt worse than all the slights she had ever received.__

 _ _ _The truth is in the mirror _, she remembered far too late. What was worse, he knew now. She had revealed herself to him. Brienne felt the shame wash over her. Jaime was too big a man to jeer at her but not to feel sorry for her. She wasn’t sure if there was any comfort in that. If there was, it certainly did not help her sleep.____

 _ _ _ _Brienne woke the next morning to a loud shriek. _Sansa. _She drew _Oathkeeper _from its sheath. Pod was on watch and struggling with someone. It took a moment, for her to realize that it was the girl.________

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _“Pod, let her go.” Brienne ordered. He looked like he might protest at the unfairness of the direction of her displeasure. If she had had any doubts about the situation, Jaime’s golden hair glistening in the light dismissed them. His hood had slipped off in the night, exposing his face.________

 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sansa pulled away from Pod, looking utterly defeated. Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. 

“It is not what you are thinking, my lady,” Brienne objected. “He would see you safe. Ser Jaime also made a promise to your mother.”

“There’s nothing quite like waking up to a deafening screech,” Jaime murmured, pushing himself into the sitting position.

“He’s a Lannister!” Sansa accused.

“Not if you ask my father, which is more difficult than it used to be, I admit.” He was not going to make this easy for any of them.

“He will not harm you. We all want you safe, my lady.”

Jaime turned toward Sansa, ignoring the hatred in her eyes. “We were to be exchanged, you and I. I would see you safely tucked away somewhere, my lady, I swear it. After all, you are a Lannister of sorts.” 

“I don’t believe you.” Sansa said edging away from them. 

“You and all of Westeros have that in common then,” Jaime scowled. “It is not a betrayal, my lady. I am simply here to ensure your safety.”

Sansa watched him silently, judging him guilty. Like her father had all those years ago. Brienne could see Jaime struggling. He had little control over himself at the best of times. 

“You have trusted me so far, my lady. I ask that you trust me this little bit further. You will see the truth in time,” Brienne interjected.

“From what I’ve heard, you have seen the best and worst of what the Lannisters have to offer. Look at me, I have but one hand and no blood left to fight. Do you see Tyrion or Joffrey?” They held each others' gaze for an impressive length of time before Sansa dropped hers. 

“It’s settled then,” Jaime claimed before turning. “Brienne, a word?” His tone brooking no argument.

  
  


“Pod, entertain Lady Sansa,” Brienne ordered, not in a light mood either. The boy assured her that he would before Jaime led her out of sight.

“Say what you will. We should not leave them together long.” He felt her abruptness cut him, but he had already made his decision. 

“You shouldn’t be angry with me.”

“I am mad at myself, ser. I thought that I might replace Littlefinger with you so that I didn’t feel the need to scrub my skin raw, but…” He had heard enough. 

“Flattering as that is, wench, I wanted to set something straight.” He kissed her, taking her by surprise, making an effort to keep his arms at his side. She pulled back momentarily confused. “Jaime…” She searched his face. He longed to kiss her worry away. To kiss her until neither of them could remember anything before their lips met. But he waited. In seconds that felt like eternity, she found in him what she was looking for. 

Her momentum pushed him back against the tree where his back hit rather roughly. “Sorry,” she muttered, pulling back slightly in embarrassment. “I sh…” she started, but he caught her mouth with his. If she stopped them, the excuse, flimsy as it was for him, would evaporate. He slid one arm around her waist and the other to her neck. It felt strange kissing someone wearing mail, but there was a thrill about it. He fought the need to push further, letting her set the pace. She opened her mouth to him and their tongues met. His blood was singing a song with one word. Brienne. Time slipped away as he cock grew hard against her. Then she was gone.

He watched her attentively when she pulled away, looking for signs of regret or disgust. He had been kissing her for the joy of it, but she had been kissing him to erase the memory of Littelfinger. To his relief, he saw none. “Th…Thank you, ser.” She licked her lips and half-bowed before turning straight into a branch. 

He bit back a laugh. “Are you alright, my lady?” he asked, desperate to keep the amusement out of his voice. Brienne nodded absently. “Let it never be said that I let a friend go wanting.” He felt there had been plenty of wanting on both sides.

There was a small cut on her cheek. He followed her from the woods, feeling happier than he could remember, and he nearly ran into her back. Sansa and Pod were discussing him. Brienne pushed him in front of her.

  
  


Sansa had heard many things about Jaime Lannister and none of them involved honor. Pod was a confused boy and even Brienne might have been convinced, but Sansa knew better. Petyr wanted to marry her off, but he also wanted to give her the North. Jaime Lannister would just give her to his sister.

Sansa was sick of Lannisters. Sick of games she had never asked to play. All she had wanted was to marry a handsome prince. Instead, she had married Tyrion and would marry another man with bastards soon. At least she did not have to marry Robert anymore, not since her aunt had died. _You mean not since Littelfinger killed her. Just like he killed Ser Dontos. _She remembered how frightened she had been in the snow-covered yard. He had kissed her several times since and not in the way a father kisses a daughter. She had had a true father once.__

 _ _Lady Brienne and Ser Jaime had walked off together. If she were going to run, now would be the best time. She glanced at Pod who still would not look at her.__

 _ _

“How can you trust him?” She asked Pod anxiously.

“You can trust Ser Jaime, I promise. I know you did not like it at the Gates of the Moon. He can help you.”

“He’s a Lannister. The queen’s twin. You think he is not loyal to her? They are lovers, Pod. He has played you.” It had been such a long time since she had someone she could be that honest with.

Pod shook his head. “He would never do that.”

She misunderstood him. “My father was executed for telling that truth. Are you naming him a liar?”

“Ser Jaime was not even going to come with us. He sent Lady Brienne to find you and keep you safe without the queen knowing. He…he…he named her sword Oathkeeper. The only reason he’s with us now is because he wanted to warn us of the men that cut off my finger. He nearly died saving me.”

“But I do not know them, Pod. I do know that Petyr has saved my life and virtue.”

“W…We would have let you stay if you had wanted to. If you feel safe with him then go back. It makes no difference to us. But you came because…because he is not a kind man.”

“Neither is Jaime Lannister.”

She took hold of her reigns as Jaime walked up to them. “It seems I’m late to the argument,” he said, appearing from the trees. “I appreciate your support, Pod.” Pod blushed and lowered his eyes. Unlike Pod, Sansa could not be bought with a few compliments. “Lady Sansa, the angry blush in your cheek is becoming to you, but I’m afraid that you have faced your horse the wrong way.” She had nothing to say to him. It seemed to provoke anger. “Go if you wish. There is no need for a fight. Go and we will count our quest finished.”

“You will hand me to the queen.”

“Ah. My sweet sister and I are unhappy with each other at the moment. If she knew I was here, she would have my head on a spike right next to yours.”

“She would not. You are her brother and lover.”

“Cersei is fickle that way.”

“How can I believe you, ser?”

“You will just have to have faith. A stingy answer, I know, but it is good enough for clergymen and it will have to be enough for this. Could I do anything to assure you?”

“No,” she said, but she stayed. She had nowhere else.

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	13. Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Traveling and talking (shocker)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I've been sick. Hopefully that explains this chapter.

They rode uneventfully for most of the day. Brienne, who had been leading their column, dropped back so that she might have a word with Jaime. “How did you convince her to come?” She had not wanted to ask in front of Pod and Sansa.

Jaime shrugged. “It was as we said.”

Brienne chewed her lip. “I hope that she will be happy on Tarth.” She watched the children riding ahead of them. “I don’t want to drag her to another prison.”

“She should be kissing your feet in gratitude.”

“Or cursing me for loosing any chance she had at her inheritance.”

“If you could only convince your father to claim her as his heir, both your problems might be solved.”

“I...I'd thought of that," she admitted sheepishly. The idea brought her hope if briefly. "He’s had many ladies stay with him since my mother passed. No one would question an illegitimate child. It could only work if he told people that I’d died, but…”

“I was jesting, my lady,” Jaime interrupted. “If it were but that easy to escape your fortune, I might have tried it when I became the Kingslayer.”

“It would not have worked for you, ser because you ha…have people tied to you. Your sister and brother. Your children. Your father.” He had had people tied to him at least. She hoped that Jaime took her hesitation for a stumble. 

“And what of _your_ father?” 

“In truth, he would be relieved. He’d finally be rid of me.” _And me of him._ There would no longer be anyone to disappoint or make proud. Without her father and Tarth, she could shed the roles of heiress and daughter. They were roles at which she had always failed anyway. Roles that Sansa could fill with ease. 

“He would be relieved or you would be?”

“Both. And Sansa…” 

“It can’t happen, my lady.” She wished she hadn’t said anything to him. She could have thought on the mind alone and he would never have known. 

“It’s not unheard of that bastards inherit in the absence of other children.”

“You can’t be serious?” Brienne didn’t reply. “I thought you brighter than that, wench.” She glowered at him. “At the very least, you think no one will recognize you?” 

“I…I could cut my hair and pass for a man.”

“You would live life as a man? Perhaps you could pass for one at first. Until you spoke. But then you could pretend to be mute. It would hardly be out of your character. Of course, you still lack one crucial piece of manhood. What will you do when you have to piss? Will you run into the woods every time? That will work until someone spots you and puts all the pieces together.”

“Don’t mock me.”

“You mock yourself with that harebrained scheme. You would have to live your life in isolation.”

“It would still be easier, ser.”

“Easier?” he demanded so ferociously that the children turned around in curiosity. “Easier than what?”

His ignorance drove her anger. “Easier than submitting to my lord husband every night until I produce an heir.” It hurt her to say the words out loud. It hurt to admit what would happen to her. A girl like Sansa would have her pick of suitors. Brienne had Hyle. He was better than Littlefinger to be sure, but she did not want him.

Jaime fell silent, obviously taken aback by her honesty. “I’m sorry. I hadn’t thought…I can still find someone at court.”

“It will make little difference.”

“You might come to love him one day. That would make all the difference.” He continued at her silence. “Living alone isn’t living, Brienne. Do you see yourself riding through all of Westeros righting wrongs at every turn? This isn’t a story. You would die in an unmarked grave with no one there to mourn you.”

“It was just an idea, Jaime, a dream. I hadn’t thought it through.”

“But you’re going to?”

“Yes.”

“As you will, Brienne, For what’s it’s worth, I could find you work at Kingslanding. If you descended to my level, that is.”

“People there are sure to recognize me.”

“I think you underestimate how reclusive the infamous Maid of Tarth is, Brienne. There are some who think I hallucinated you from blood loss.”

“Ser Loras would know.”

“That is true, but Cersei dislikes him in much the same way she disliked Ned Stark so he may not be an obstacle for long. If you must consider the idea at all at least consider that as well.”

“I will, but we have much to deal with before it becomes a viable plan. First I must get her to Tarth." Brienne drew her mind back from the clouds where she and Jaime fought for justice side by side. She needed to face the reality at hand. "I am concerned about taking a ship all the way there. A minor slip in such close quarters might mean the end of our journey.” 

“I would be pleased with an escort to Kingslanding. I am in dire need of your protection after all. Wenches can hardly keep their hands from me.” There was a twinkle in his eye.

“Th…that reminds me,” she said as if she had given the matter no thought. “I should apologize for…for putting you in that awkward position…earlier.” 

“Don’t let it trouble you, my lady. I was happy to be of service. I am of so little use to so many people.”

She was blushing hotly in the cold. “I could not stand the thought of him, and I hoped that you might replace the memory,” she explained again.

“So you said. And did it work?” he asked curiously.

“Somewhat.”

“Then you might do the same for me, wench, for Cersei plagues me every night.”

“I…it was just a kiss,” she said, although she was not sure she could describe it as such.

“And that was just a jest. We needn’t speak of it, my lady, if you’d rather not.” 

“I only meant to apologize.” 

“You’ve done nothing wrong. No vows were broken. Trust me, I’m something of an expert on the subject.” 

“No vows were broken,” she agreed, “but you were right to turn me away. I shouldn’t have been angry.”

“Your apology is accepted but not necessary.”

“Good,” she sighed. “Then it is settled.”

“What is settled?” He inquired.

“That…” she glanced at Pod and Lady Sansa. “That there will be no more of...” she paused meaningfully.

“Of?” he echoed before fully accepting her meaning. “Gods, Brienne. It was only our third kiss. You…”

“It wasn’t,” she protested. He did not do her the disservice of listing them. 

“It was the first of a less innocent nature, but my point stands. You needn’t refer to it as a torrid romance.” He smiled at her, but she thought his jaw was clenched. “I love my sister and you love Renly. You and I are…” Jaime had reached for a word and clearly missed.

“Companions,” Brienne provided.

“Yes. There is little attraction between us.”

_Like brother and sister_ , she thought drolly. “I know.” How could there be? 

He read her expression. “I wasn’t saying that, Brienne.” He stopped his horse before reached to stop her as well. With his hand on her reigns, he touched his stump to her chin. “I value my life. There are very few people I would ever sacrifice it for. So far, you have been the only one to merit it. Nothing can change that.” Strangely enough, his words felt more like an affirmation than a rejection. Brienne took comfort in them. He was offering her a painless path back to the inexplicable connection they had always shared. 

“I…I feel the same.” She hesitantly held out her hand for him to take in accord. Her right hand. She grimaced, quickly replacing it with her left so that he could grasp it. He brought her hand to his chapped lips. 

“I shall miss you when we reach Kingslanding. I shutter to think of the things I will do in your absence.” The words went by lightly, but their meaning hung in the air.

“Come with me,” she burst out. He glanced over at her skeptically. 

There was nothing else to say.

That night they stayed in an abandoned home they saw off the road. Half of it had been burned, but it still provided some shelter from the wind. Sansa found a spot as far from Jaime as possible. Brienne slept between her and the men so as to be as proper as they could be while on the road.

When Pod woke Brienne for her watch she caught his arm and led him away from Jaime and Sansa. “I thought of something earlier today that I want to talk to you about. I saw you talking to Lady Sansa,” she revealed watching him.

The boy frowned. “She’s hardly spoken since this morning.”

“Perhaps that is for the best. There are things that you should not mention to her.”

“L…Like Lady Stoneheart?” he guessed. 

“Exactly. Did you say anything?”

He shook his head miserably. 

Brienne gave a sigh of relief. “You must not tell her. It will only hurt her.”

“But…” he looked around the room for an answer. “But won’t it make her feel better. I would. Feel better that is. If my father were alive. Even a little bit of him. It…it would be something.”

Brienne put a hand on the boys shoulder. “And what would you do if you heard your father might still live?”

“I would go to him,” Pod answered.

“So will Lady Sansa. She will go to Lady Stoneheart and her men. Do you think that is the best place for her?”

Pod pursed his lips and shook his head. “No, but we could explain. I don’t like lying, especially…” His sentence trailed off.

“About this?” Brienne sensed trouble on the horizon. “I know you both miss your families, but we will take her to the Wall come spring. She will have her half-brother. It’s what her mother would have wanted, Pod.”

“Do you miss her, ser?”

Brienne opened her mouth and closed it. “Very much.”

“You…you should talk to Lady Sansa about it. Her. I know it’s important that she trust you.”

Little did he know that she had already used that tactic. “Thank you, Pod. I’ll think on it. Get some sleep.”

The next day Brienne approached Sansa as they rested. Pod was refilling their skins and Jaime was keeping his distance. 

“Do you think Littlefinger will send men after us when Ser Tobb reaches him?” Sansa asked when she noticed Brienne.

“You know him better than I do, my lady.”

Sansa looked worried. “He is always three steps ahead of everyone. It’s like he can see all the pieces in a game that no one else knows they are playing.”

The analogy was unsettling. “Did he ever hurt you, my lady?”

“No. Not…he kissed me, but that was all.” She looked like she might add to the statement, but decided against it.

Brienne felt a shiver run down her spine. “That is enough. I’m glad to get you away from him, in truth, my lady. It was not as your mother would have wanted."

"Little is."

Brienne faltered, but carried on. "When she spoke to me, your mother often worried about you. She said that you had a wolf like your brother, but she died.”

“Lady. Her name was Lady,” Sansa interjected.

“A pretty name. Was it fitting?”

Sansa nodded. “Lady was very gentle. It was Nimieria who was wild. She bit Joffrey by the river.” The girl seemed to flinch and was quiet. 

“Bran’s wolf saved his live once, and your mother’s. She thought they had a power about them. But I was with her after she got news of Bran and Rickon. And they both had their wolves. Did you know that was why she let Ser Jaime go? She did not want to loose you as well.”

“I didn’t know she traded Jaime Lannister for me.”

“You and Arya, at the time. She chose me to make sure he arrived in Kingslanding and to escort you back to her.” 

Sansa pondered this. “It seems strange that she sent you…out of all the Stark men.” 

“They were loyal to Robb, my lady. I was loyal to your mother.”

“She trusted you?” Brienne was relieved that she chose not to pursue that line of thought.

“She did. If we had reached Kingslanding sooner, I might have…I was devastated when I heard of the Red Wedding. I should have been with her to protect her. I swore myself to her. I meant to return you to your family nonetheless, but you were gone when we reached Kingslanding. You were gone, and the king was dead.”

“I didn’t kill him. Neither did Tyrion.” _Jaime will be glad to hear it._

“I would add that Ser Jaime did not know that when he sent me to protect you.” Sansa ignored this remark. “Was it Littlefinger that did it?”

“I…I’m unsure. I know little other than that my lord husband and I were innocent.” 

“I’m sorry I can not return you to your mother. She was the best woman I have known, and it was an honor to serve her. She gave me a place when no one else would have given me a copper. I would never betray her or you, my lady.” Brienne saw tears creep down Sansa’s cheek and patted the girl’s shoulder awkwardly.

“I know what it is to lose a mother. And siblings as well. If you ever want to talk about it…You look just like her, you know. I thought you might have been a ghost when I first saw you. But it is more than that. I see her strength in you, my lady. She lives on in you.”

Sansa cried harder at that until Brienne felt it necessary to pull the girl into her arms. To her surprise, Sansa hugged her, clinging to her like life itself. Brienne felt a fierce protectiveness grow inside her as she held the shaking girl.

  
  


Jaime scowled at the three people riding ahead of him. It was the wench’s fault. She’d referred to him as the Kingslayer that morning when she was explaining something to Sansa. Perhaps she hadn’t really meant it, but the hurt he’d felt had been unexpectedly strong. He had always hated the name, but it felt especially unfair coming from Brienne’s lips. Lips he had kissed. Lips that had deemed him fit enough to kiss. 

Brienne had reduced the Stark girl to tears earlier in the day and now Pod, Brienne, and Sansa seemed a happy threesome. Finally, Brienne noticed that he had fallen behind them. 

“I have something to tell you, ser.”

“The last time you said something like that I was shot by a crossbow,” he grumbled.

“You are still upset,” she stated. “I was telling Pod…”

“Happy tales of the past. I understand.” 

As they spoke Sansa and Pod came to a halt ahead of them.

“What is it?” Jaime called, pleased to be interrupted. 

“There’s a man in the road,” Pod answered.

Jaime and Brienne pulled even with the other two. As the man came into his view, Jaime noted the presence of only one full leg. The other ended above the knee.

“Good day,” Jaime said, “Could you move to one side so that we might pass? We’re in something of a hurry.” As he spoke Brienne slid down from Beauty. Damn. 

“Do you have any coins to spare?” The man asked. Clearly, he had asked everyone who happened by. Jaime could see no other reason that a cripple would hobble down the middle of the road where he was as like to be run over as noticed. 

“Where are you headed?” Brienne asked unwisely. The more they prolonged the conversation the more likely the man was to remember them and give away their location should someone offer him any money. Jaime slid off his horse and grabbed Brienne by the arm to tell her just that, but the wench wouldn’t have it. 

“Maidenpool. I’ve heard a man can make his way there begging, if I can’t find work. The shame of it. I never thought my life would come to this…my lady.” His hesitation betrayed his uncertainty. 

“That’s a fair way ahead of you. Perhaps we could…”

“My lady, if I may interrupt…” Jaime interceded before Brienne could give away all their sustenance. The man watched the two of them with rapt attention.

“Were you in battle?” Sansa asked, as Jaime led Brienne a few feet away.

“We have nothing to spare this man,” he started.

“Jaime, surely you of all people will…”

“Me of all people?”

“You know how it is to loose a part of yourself.”

“I was a swordsman who lost his swordshand. Unless this man’s main trade was standing vigil, he can continue his work.”

“We have extra supplies.”

“If we give him our supplies we will have to buy new ones and someone will recognize us. Perhaps someone who saw up go North without a maiden and come back with one.”

They could hear Sansa speaking with the man about his work on a farm and his time fighting for the Starks. Of course, he was a Stark man victimized by the Lannisters. Of course, he could no longer do his work. “He can not work, but he can walk to Maidenpool,” Jaime muttered suspiciously. 

“I couldn’t stand the piteous looks I got from people I’d known my whole life. My wife passed a while back,” the man continued obviously aware that he had a fish on the line in Brienne. “I thought if I could make it to Maidenpool I might be able to find work of some sort for an old cripple.”

“We could spare a horse. I could ride with Pod. It would hardly slow us down,” Brienne whispered to Jaime.

“We’re on the run from Littlefinger, we can not afford to be slowed at all.”

“We don’t even know that he’s sent anyone after us. After all, what can he do?”

“Accuse us of stealing his natural daughter.”

“He wouldn’t. Neither of us wants this subject to prying eyes.”

He could see that he wasn’t going to convince her. Her heart was too gentle. It was both a frustration and a draw. “If bandits see that an old cripple has a horse, they will kill him an take it.”

“If we give him a horse, he may outride them. We cannot in good conscience leave him when we have the means to help.”

“Will you give him Beauty?”

“The one Pod’s riding is the weakest.” She pointed out sheepishly.

“Ah, so we have to give him a horse in good conscience, but only the worst one.” She scolded Jaime with her azure eyes before granting the beggar more than he had dreamed of.

“Thank you, my lady. I may owe you my life. I was starting to doubt that I might ever get there before you came along. Thank you.” To her credit, Brienne did not revel in his thanks. Pod climbed onto Beauty behind her, and they started off with the beggar. 

“If you really wish to thank us, you will not mention this to anyone and you’ll sell that horse as soon as you reach Maidenpool,” Jaime said to him as they rode.

“I will, ser, for your sake.”

“Don’t do it for my sake. Do it for hers. I would have left you on the side of the road.”

“I will, ser, and what’s the horse’s name if I may ask?”

“We don’t know,” Jaime said with a smile. After that, they pulled away from the man.

He noticed Brienne looking back at him as they rode, as if to make sure he was still there. The third time he met her gaze, he realized that she had never told him what she had meant to say. 

After they stopped to eat, Jaime suggested that Pod take his horse for a time and give Beauty a rest. When Brienne didn’t protest about the pace, he knew she wanted to speak.

“I have news for you.” She said as she fell in pace with his steps. In truth, it felt good to stretch his legs for a bit.

“I am tired of news. It is always something terrible.”

“This is not. Lady Sansa says that it was not your brother who killed Joffrey.”

Jaime shook his head in disbelief. No wonder she had been eager to speak. In Brienne’s view, the news would be a relief. “I heard it from the dwarf’s own lips.” 

“She was his wife and sitting right beside him all the while. Even Littlefinger told her that Tyrion was innocent. ”

“Mayhap he told her that so she would not think she had married a Kingslayer. Most people find that sort of thing repulsive.”

Brienne frowned at this. “I do not think he was lying, ser. By all other accounts, your brother didn’t kill your…king” she hesitated.

“Say it, wench,” he challenged gruffly.

“Your son. I’m sorry, Jaime. I did not mean to upset you. Perhaps I should have been more delicate with the subject.”

“I do not grieve for him, Brienne. He deserved to die as I told myself when I let Tyrion out of his cell.”

“I thought you would be happy to hear it.”

“It changes little. He did kill my father, of that I am sure. Though…” _Perhaps if I had not told him the truth that night he would have simply escaped. I am guilty for my father’s death in more ways than one. Not only did I let Tyrion out, but I then I gave him motive. _“He did have his reasons.”__

 _ _“Oh?” Brienne treaded carefully.__

 _ _

“I told you I lied to him. I didn’t tell you the whole story.”

“Will you?” He couldn’t decide. “Perhaps it will help. I felt better after I spoke about Renly’s camp.”

“That shouldn’t have been your shame, Brienne, but theirs. My story is not so innocent.”

“You needn’t speak of it for my sake.” 

Who else would he tell if not Brienne? She knew all of his other secrets. Why not add one more to the list? 

Because it is so much worse than the others. He had protected his family by throwing Bran out a window. He had averted a battle with the threat of a trebuchet, but this lie had accomplished nothing. “When he was thirteen, Tyrion and I wondered upon a common woman being attacked on the road. I hunted the men attacking her while Tyrion comforted her. He ended up taking more than comfort from her, and they were married. He was very young at the time and had yet to learn that his big brother could not protect him from everything. When my father found out, he was infuriated. I had never seen him so angry. He asked me to lie to Tyrion for his own good, and tell him that his wife was a whore that I had hired for him. Father said that it would restore the family’s name.” Brienne’s eyes grew wide. _I cannot tell her this. She will never forgive me, just like Tyrion._ Jaime plunged ahead before he lost his nerve. “I did as father told me. What I did not know was that father would let the entire guard rape her and then pay her a silver for each man.” _And Tyrion. You helped your father make him a rapist. Tell her!_ “Except Tyrion. Tyrion paid her in gold.” He chanced a look at Brienne’s expression. She was utterly shocked. Horrified. “I didn’t know that would happen! I swear it!” Brienne’s face remained unchanged. _Well done, you have finally found the thing that will drive her away._ “You have to believe me, Brienne. I…” 

“That is the man you would be like?” she interrupted. 

He opened his mouth to retaliate, but could not find the words at first. “I…I am culpable as well.”

“You trusted your father, Jaime. That is not the same thing.” That was what he had tried to tell Tyrion.

“I should have _known _, Brienne! He was my father. I should have known! Just like I should have known that he would kill Rhaegar’s children, who I was sworn to protect. I am guilty of that as well. I should have gone to them after, but I didn’t think.” _I never think._ __

__“You are nothing like your father, Jaime! And the more I hear of him the happier I am of it.”__

 _ _

“I’m my father’s son,” he insisted, but it felt like a hollow protest. A mantra to comfort a child. 

“Jaime, listen to me.” Brienne reached around him to take his hand, making it awkward for him to continue walking. “I think,” she drew a breath. “I think that you have wanted your father’s approval all your life. You grew to be a fearsome knight, you lied to Tyrion, and you took orders from your father instead of your king. Yet, you served as disappointment time and time again. Now, it’s too late to get his approval, so you tell yourself that you are like him. You think that if you emulate him or carry on in his name then you will make him proud. Whenever someone contradicts you, it serves as a reminder of his displeasure. But you should not seek his approval, Jaime. He should have sought _yours. You_ are the better man.” Jaime wanted to disagree with her. He wanted to shout it. But as she spoke, he felt the truth of her conclusion. Perhaps it went even farther. Most everything he had done was either for Cersei or his father. To please them. To protect them. To honor them. “Can you trust that?” 

He glanced at Pod and Sansa. “They are pulling far ahead.”

“Answer me, and we will catch them.” Her voice was strained.

“I trust you,” he answered honestly. 

Brienne nodded in contentment. “Ride with me?” she offered him her hand.

After a moment’s hesitation he took it, and settled himself behind her.

“Just like old times,” he muttered, but it wasn't.

__

__


	14. The Wolf and the Lion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne tries to find peace between Jaime and Sansa. They run into the men that Jaime met before. Sansa gets a brief POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been a long time...Oops? I finally got inspired again.

As they traveled Jaime tried to win Sansa over to his side ever so slowly. He made a jape at the Lannister’s expense or sang a love song. He made no mention of his brother though, and Brienne was loathe to breach the topic again. 

“Does your hand still hurt you?” Sansa asked one day with concern as Pod flexed his other fingers.

“No. Well, yes. Sometimes, but not now.”

“The healer said it would take a long time to fully mend,” Brienne offered. Pod shot her an aggravated look.

“That healer was as full of shit as a chamber pot. He also told you I would die, and then asked for enough money to build Casterly Rock anew, which might have been a wiser investment.” To Brienne’s relief, Sansa almost looked like she approved of his jape.

“I would make the same decision again, ser.” Brienne assured him.

“If only just,” he agreed. “I’ve been worse than useless since then.”

She wanted to correct him. “You’ve had your turn at the watch.”

“Aw. At last, a solid contribution. I have also kept you entertained as we traveled. Perhaps there will be an opening for court jester upon my return.”

“Would you rather I have let you die saving Pod’s life?”

“It would have been a good death at least,” he marked. “There’s simplicity in death. I would not need to worry about my honor or lack thereof," he sighed. "But there is always hope. We may be attacked yet.”

“You asked me to find the girl for you,” Brienne frowned. “Do you not find honor in that?”

“I’m afraid I feel no different, wench. I expected vindication or at least the satisfaction of defying expectations…and Cersei. It seemed so monumental at the time.”  
Brienne could not help but note the way Sansa was now glaring at them. Unfortunately she was not the only one.

“And what do you think of it?” Jaime demanded of the girl. She only intensified the hatred in her eyes. “I see you have your mother’s temperament as well as her coloring.”

“Jaime…” Brienne warned.

“Now _there’s_ the look I remember. What is it with you Northerners? Is it the cold that addles your brains or your gods?”

“Enough,” Brienne called, but she knew he was already in fine form. 

“You think you can make up for your past? You can’t.” 

“And what do you know of it, Lady Stark?” 

Sansa faltered caught offguard by the question. “You…” 

“Me? Is that it? Come, I’ve done far worse than exist.” 

Sansa seemed to find her feet. “You attacked my father in the street.” 

“Better,” Jaime said with the fake smile that Brienne disliked. “But my brother was being held captive for a crime that he did not commit…a habit of his, apparently." 

Brienne decided to interrupt before Jaime went as far as to confess his crimes. “He is trying, my lady. I promise you that he has proved himself to me.” 

“Do you think the Lady Of Winterfell will finally take your word if you repeat it enough?” 

Sansa glanced around. “You will be overheard.” 

Inspiration struck. “He is a man incapable of speaking softly. I can’t even recall how many times we were beaten by Hoat’s men because of it.” She sent Jaime a significant look, hoping he could take the conversation and win over Lady Sansa. 

“Are you referring to the time I was beaten for saving your ungrateful maidenhead?” Jaime complied without enthusiasm. 

“That time as well,” Brienne confirmed. 

“You were attacked, my lady?” Sansa inquired. 

Brienne nodded. She often liked to block out those memories, but if it brought peace between Sansa and Jaime, she was willing to bring them out again. “Several times. Ser Jaime told them that I would be ransomed for sapphires. He was the only reason I was untouched and a comfort. He advised me to…how did you put it, ser?” She left out his comment about Lord Renly. 

Jaime was still unhappy to give up the fight. “I told you to go away inside. Disappear inside yourself and try to think of something pleasant. Something I've done many times.” 

“Is that what you did when they cut off your hand?” Pod asked too eagerly. 

"Or perhaps when you were killing my father's men," Sansa muttered

“No. That is what I did when the mad king cooked your uncle and grandfather in front of me. And when I listened to him assault his lady wife at night.” Jaime was not helping Brienne’s cause anymore. Sometimes it seemed like he was incapable of getting along with anyone. “There are times, far too many, when you must endure or bear witness to horrible things. Sometimes you can’t stop them, my lady.” 

“And sometimes you cause them,” Sansa reminded. Her words remained harsh though her hostility had lessened. 

“And sometimes I cause them,” he agreed. “Though not as often as your father believed. I think he would have blamed for the winter if he could have.” 

“My father was a good judge of character.” 

“He was a good _man_ ,” Jaime corrected. “Being one does not make you the other. Much like being a knight doesn’t make you chivalrous, something I’m sure you’ve found to be true. Your father thought I wanted the throne and that Robert would make a good king. I’m afraid he was perilously wrong about both of us.” Criticizing the girl’s father was unlikely to win her regard either.

___“King Robert was…” Sansa could not finish the thought before Jaime decided to help her._ _ _

___“Conceited? Fat? Overly fond of whores? You would be right on all three counts. And still I protected him while he ravished my sister. Does that make me more of less honorable, would you say? I would like your thoughts on the matter, my lady. You judge me easily, but I know little of you.”_ _ _

___“I…I don’t know.”_ _ _

___“Then you are already wiser than your father. He would have said more honorable without hesitation, though he would have choked rather than apply the word to me.” Sansa was quiet. “He did not entirely misjudge me. I _did_ hate Robert. I might have killed him one day, but never to rule. I would have been nearly as ill-suited to it as he was.” Brienne had to quietly disagree as she watched Sansa’s pure hatred fade.___

_____“He was my father’s friend.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“We all make friends with people we shouldn’t, my lady. Your father had King Robert. Lady Brienne has me. You have Littlefinger. What of you, Pod?” Pod shook his head. “Aw, Pod has Hyle Hunt or, perhaps, Tyrion.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“And is there a friend unworthy of you?” Sansa questioned._ _ _ _ _

_____“No, I am too busy _being _an unworthy friend to have one.”___ _ _ _ _

_______“His sister,” Brienne whispered to Sansa but not quietly enough for she sensed Jaime's anger from afar._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______A while later he approached her. He'd been stewing about the topic for an hour so Brienne had known it was coming. “You think you of all people might have more sympathy for the queen,” Jaime noted._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Why? I can not think of two women more different.” Brienne could not fathom it._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______However, Jaime answered with ease. “I used to think that," he acknowledged. "And I can't imagine what Cersei might say about you, but your circumstances are not so different at their heart. You both share the misfortune of your sex." Brienne raised her eyebrows at the idea. "You wanted to be a knight. Cersei wanted to be a king.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Brienne thought of the beauty of which he spoke and struggled to find true sympathy. Brienne had no choice but to be what she was; Cersei just couldn’t accept what she had. The thought made her stomach squirm with guilt. Perhaps Jaime was right._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______ _ _ _ _ _

_______They came upon three men on the road. Jaime did not place them at first until he saw the hedge knight. He brought his horse to a sudden halt before they came into hearing distance. “I know the men we are about to pass. More importantly they’ll recognize me and are searching for Lady Sansa.” The girl visibly stiffened._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“What did you tell them?” Brienne asked unhappily._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“That I was after my missing wife and child. That you and I fought, and you ran off with Pod. Let me talk. These are the kind of men who enjoy a good wife beating. And hide Oathkeeper.” He instructed, but Brienne was already ahead of him. She still looked nothing like the wife of a commoner or much like a woman in truth._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“What of Sansa?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“She will have to be his new bride. I can think of no other reason she would be with us. Congratulations,” he directed at Pod. The boy looked utterly terrified._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“He is twelve,” Brienne resisted._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Tyrion married at 13,” Jaime replied in frustration. “Cersei and I were fucking as soon as I could get hard. Just because you…” He instantly dropped the rest of his sentence as the men approached them. A blessing in truth._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I see you found your runaway wife.” The hedge knight called to him. Jaime had been hoping that they would simply pass one another, but the other party came to a halt. “Seven hells,” he exclaimed as he got closer. “You went looking for that.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“If you could taste her roast, you would understand. I found my son as well. Married now.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Not to my daughter, I hope,” The older man japed with a laugh. “She’s a shy thing. Let’s have a look at her.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Sansa was bundled up in her cloak. “Remove your hood, girl,” Jaime demanded rather brutesquely. Sansa did as he bid uneasily. “No. I’m sorry, but we have seen no red-haired girl on our travels. We didn’t see much of anyone in these parts actually.” He led the conversation away from Sansa._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Where did you find them?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“The Bloody Gate. They were hoping I wouldn’t chase them into the cold.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I hope you taught that one a lesson.” The youngest man stated, eying Brienne chillingly._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Many times last night. Until I was certain she would not run again,” he growled over at Brienne, who shook her head stiffly. For once he was glad that the wench hardly spoke._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Good. No one needs a wandering wife. If I was you I would claim my rights with that one as well,” he indicated Sansa. “She’s much prettier.” He laughed at his jest._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Ha. Not if I want to give the boy a chance,” Jaime forced a smile. “Well, we should move on before our home is claimed by someone else. I wish you men luck.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“There is a lot of that these days. People are more dangerous than ever. Watch yourself if you’re heading back that direction. That bitch is even worse.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I will. Thank you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Have you heard about her? Lady Stoneheart?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Jaime nodded. “I heard the tale when I crossed those lands the first time.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“But did you hear that it’s _Catlyn Stark_ ,” one man laughed at the idea.___ _ _ _ _

________“What?” He heard the small voice come from behind him. _That's done it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“You’d best remain quiet, girl” Jaime said immediately. “Lady Catelyn is dead.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“Finally, a man with a head on his shoulders,” the most ferocious agreed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“I don’t know. The men are talking lately. And you heard of the lightning lord coming back to life?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“I did, and I didn’t believe that either. Men are dying like flies in this war and many dream of their lovers coming back to life. That is where those tales come from, I am sure,” Jaime dismissed the idea once again. _I will die before the conversation ends.____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I’m glad you’re sure, but I have my doubts. The dead are walking and there’s plenty of them. Watch yourself.” The men walked past them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“You as well,” Jaime urged his horse into a trot before he dared glance back at Sansa Stark. The poor girl looked...like her mother had come back from the dead. Brienne might have been about to speak, but the words stuck in her throat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Lady Stoneheart is not the same woman as Lady Catlyn,” Jaime replied to Sansa's unasked inquiry without the slightest trace of guilt. “Equally terrifying, perhaps, but that is the extent of their likeness. I promise we would take you to your mother if we could. It would make the Maid’s life a lot easier, I’m sure.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Sansa nodded mutely_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Do you see the men who could have found you? Remember that I am not them.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I will, my lord.” The girl said in response. Her`s was not an easy face to read. Jaime’s incessant prodding had forced Sansa to think of her childhood engagement. Shame, hatred, and grief colored all of her memories of Joffrey and the time she had spent at the Keep. How could she have lied for the sake of that monster’s pride? How could she have not seen what was before her eyes? Her father certainly had. And Arya. She had paid for her lie with her wolf’s life. A life that had not been hers to trade. It haunted her still. But nothing compared to the pain of remembering Winterfell. Her home and her family._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Sansa fought off her guilt and approached Pod. She had observed them enough to know that he was her best chance of finding the truth. He was muttering the words to a song._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“What are you singing?” she asked innocently._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________The boy started at being addressed. “I… Six Maids in a Pool. Ser Jaime was singing it earlier,” he explained._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Oh,” Sansa said, remembering her own Florian. “There was a singer at home when I was a child. I made him play that song over and over again,” she paused. “That was a long time ago.” He made a huffing sound that brought her full attention back to him. “I don’t think I ever asked your age, Pod?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Uh,…tw…no, thirteen?” He still looked unsure._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Thirteen?” Sansa asked with a small smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I…I don’t actually know…as such.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“That’s a strange thing to be unsure of,” Sansa offered with a slight smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________He shook her head. “N…not for an orphan.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I’m sorry. I should have thought…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________He flushed. “It’s not…it wasn’t so bad. I worked for…I mean Ser Cedric raised me until he died in the Riverlands. Then Ser Lorimer took me in until I was brought to Lord Tyrion.” He lapsed into silence._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Where is he now?” Sansa meant to lighten the mood._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“He was hanged for stealing, my lady.” Pod turned away as his cheeks flamed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“You needn’t be embarrassed.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I'm not…people p…pity me.” He glanced quickly at her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I don’t pity you.” He watched his saddle tracing the leather. “Truly, Pod, I don’t.” She took a breathe. The conversation had not gone how she might have wished. _I am no Petyr Baelish_. She gave up subtly. “Could you tell me of Lady Stoneheart?”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Pod shook his head. “No.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________“No? Did they tell you not to?” She asked, watching Lady Brienne and Ser Jaime ride ahead of them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________“No. I…it would distress you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________“Please.” She made the decision to touch his arm, something she had witnessed from the Queen several times._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Pod frowned even more. “She…she was a corpse, my lady. Her skin was rotten. She never spoke to us, but to call us liars and demand we hang. There’s not much to tell.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________A corpse. So it was true. Ser Jaime was a good liar, but she was hardly surprised. “How horrible. What could she possibly hang you for?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Pod looked desperately uncomfortable. “Supporting Lannisters. Lady Brienne’s sword has their sigil.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________“Pod,” she squeezed his arm and watched him swallow. “Is Lady Stoneheart my mother?” Guilt and anticipation were coursing through her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________He froze. “N…No. She isn’t. N…not the lady that raised you.” Sansa let her arm fall and urged her horse ahead, promising to make it up to him if she ever got the chance._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Lady Stoneheart was her mother come back to life. _My mother lives_. She felt tears pool behind her eyes as hope spread through her limbs. Sansa had not realized just how numb she had been.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________The rest of the day was a blur. In her daze, she hardly heard Brienne call to her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“Are you alright, my lady? You have not said anything most of the day.” Sansa glanced at Pod as he tugged at his ear._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“I’m perfectly fine.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“Isn’t this…” Pod asked, staring openly at Brienne._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“Yes. We should go off the road here.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“What is the trouble?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“It is the Crossrads Inn. We are known here.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“What if we run into her men again?” Pod asked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“We’ll claim to be a different cripple, knight, and squire,” Jaime suggested in jest. To Brienne he muttered, “If you pretended to be the husband and I the wife, do you think we could past as a family?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“More so than now,” Brienne admitted._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“It is best we don’t get caught,” Jaime answered Pod more seriously._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“If we are captured, you two should flee. They will be far more concerned with us,” Brienne instructed Pod and Sansa._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“But…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“Hush, Pod.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________They avoided the inn and carried on._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________Sansa started to notice the dead men in the trees. “There are so many,” she commented._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“The fine work of Lady Stoneheart,” Jaime shared with a certain relish that Sansa did not appreciate._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“There are Stark men here as well. Freys and Boltons” A deep dread crept into her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“There are no longer Stark men, my lady. Just as you are the last Stark.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“And Arya,” Sansa prayed aloud before she could stop herself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“And Arya,” Brienne agreed. Though she hated the Frey’s and Boltons, she did not care for her mother’s work. “I’m sorry you have to see this, my lady.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“I’m not, not really,” Sansa answered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“What do you mean?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“I look without seeing. A trick the king taught me.” She realized this was what Jaime had meant by going away inside. It bothered her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________Brienne nodded and rode next to her as if to shield her further. Strangely, Sansa did feel better by her side._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________They could not escape the dead men by nightfall so they camped beneath them. Sansa did not sleep that night. _Still, they swung in her dreams. She almost wished that Robert was there to curl of next to her. It was always easier to be brave when he was so scared.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Watching a man sway in the breeze, Sansa made her choice. These were bad men that were hanging. They must have been bad men because her mother had hanged them. The gods would not be so cruel as to bring her mother back only halfway. She shook off memories of her father’s beheading, the desecration of Robb’s body, and her aunt trying to kill her. Even if Lady Stoneheart was a monster, Sansa had to see her for herself. She had to._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________She sat up from her bedroll._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Can’t you sleep, my lady?” Pod whispered across the camp._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Sansa shook her head and started to pack her things with shaking hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“What are you doing?” Pod whispered fiercely._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Nothing.” She went to her horse._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“You’re leaving,” he accused._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Sansa paused for a moment before turning toward him. “Don’t tell them.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“My lady…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“What would you do if your father came back from the dead?” she demanded in a hushed tone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“I won’t let you do this,” he whispered fiercely. “I’ll wake them.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“What about Lord Tyrion?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“She is not the same person," he insisted. "She’s a killer.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Of Boltons and Freys,” she agreed. “Part of her must be the same. She must remember.” Sansa struggled to quietly saddle her horse._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“She tried to kill me and Lady Brienne when we were trying to save you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“You’re with the Lannisters, Pod. You might have said anything to get away.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Do you think I deserved to die for that?” Pod asked her softly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________She glanced skyward. “No.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Then stay.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“I know she’s…but she won’t hurt me.” Sansa returned to her work._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________He made an erratic gesture of frustration. “Stop, or…or I will wake Lady Brienne.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“You said you would not hold me captive.” It was hard to make out his features in the dark._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“I also said I would protect you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Then come with me.” She would be glad to be near someone warm while she was traveling beneath the dead._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“We can’t sneak off. It’s dangerous and...it’s unfair to Lady Brienne. She just wants to see you safe.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Sansa’s heart was beating loudly. “She would not let me go. They would rather have lied to me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________He bit his lip. “For your own good.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“She will not hurt me. She’s my mother. You don’t have to go or even lie. All I ask is that you don’t wake them.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“You don’t know where you’re going.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“I’ll follow the bodies,” she burst out. Her efforts to ignore her statement resulted in an terrible pause. “If her men are everywhere like people say, they’ll find me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Find you and hold you," Pod pointed out sensibly. "Or worse.” She watched him juggle her fate in his hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Please!” she begged._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“I…” He was staring at Brienne in agony. “I’m coming with you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Thank you!” She touched his arm again, but he shook her off still frowning._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“It’s what Lady Brienne would do,” he proclaimed with certainty._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________They rode one horse as they snuck out of the camp._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and for waiting. I'll update more often now . Pinky promise.


	15. The Chase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne ride after the kiddos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in all likelihood this will be the third to last chapter. Yikes.
> 
> Once again if a sentence is in first person or present tense it should be italicized as an unvoiced thought but that doesn't always happen for whatever reason. 
> 
> Next chapter is much more actiony.

Jaime awoke to Brienne calling his name in panic. “Jaime! Jaime, get up!” Jaime sat straight up at her command. His heart raced as he evaluated the danger they were in only to find that no danger existed. Sighing in frustration, Jaime leaned forward to take a drink. 

“Pod and Sansa have been taken,” Brienne explained. “Stand up! We’re going after them.” Brienne hurriedly packed her things. The light of dawn was creeping toward them.

Jaime did not share her urgency quite yet. “They can’t have been taken, wench. Not while we were but a hand’s width from them.” But they were nowhere to be found in the camp. “I’m sure they’re fetching water. You know how the boy likes a good chore.” She was starting to saddle his horse with not quite steady hands.

“He didn’t wake me for my turn at watch. He must have fallen asleep and been taken unawares.” She frowned in anger. “You were right about giving that man a horse. It must have slowed us just enough. Sansa tried to warn me, but I wouldn’t listen.” _Of course her first instinct is too blame herself. ___

“Brienne, take a moment.” He caught her arm as she went to pack his bedroll.

“They’re not here, Jaime. And we don’t know how long they’ve been gone.” 

Jaime stood and looked around the camp. “One of the horses is missing,” he observed. “And so are their things.” _They left_ “Brienne. Think. They’re bedrolls are gone. Do you think Littlefinger’s men would take the time to pack? That they were short one horse but kind enough to not take them all? Why would they take Pod at all? If it were Littlefinger, the three of us would be dead.” 

__She refused to listen. “He wouldn’t.” Brienne insisted, showing that the thought had occurred to her._ _

__“Littlefinger…” Jaime started._ _

__“Pod would not leave.”_ _

__“I wish I could tell you different, wench, but it would be a lie.” Now that her frenzy of activity was over, he feared she might cry. “Perhaps Sansa left, and he followed,” Jaime tried to comfort her. “He might have fallen asleep on watch and been too embarrassed to tell you.”_ _

__“He would have woken me.” Her voice was certain, but her face told a different tale._ _

__“Then they must have left together,” he managed._ _

__Brienne hung her head. “I can’t believe he would leave without…”_ _

__Jaime grasped her hand so that she focused on him. “He did, Brienne.” He spoke gently to try and ease the blow, but Pod’s betrayal left her silent. _Just when she trusted someone._ “I’m as loathe to think it of the boy as you are, but they left of their own free will.” His touch seemed to steady her. _ _

___Brienne nodded reluctantly in agreement._ _ _

___“Loyalty is a strange thing, my lady. Perhaps he’s returning her to Tyrion.”_ _ _

___“No.”_ _ _

___Her blunt refusal tested his patience. “Or he wanted to impress a pretty girl. Either way, you are right. We need to catch them before they do anything foolish. Anything _else_ foolish,” he amended. “Assuming that it was not Pod’s idea to leave…” Brienne glowered at the statement so he hurried his conclusion. “Sansa’s options are limited. Littlefinger or the Wall.” _ _ _

____The wench’s calm returned fast enough. “She knows they’re never reach the Wall, and I don’t believe that she misses the Vale but…” She glanced at his direction suddenly quiet with dread._ _ _ _

____Jaime saw where she was headed. “But she does miss her mother. You think she knows?”_ _ _ _

____“Yes and no, but I’m sure that’s where she’s headed,” Brienne reasoned. “I don’t think that Pod knows where the hideout is, but I have little doubt that her men could find them.”_ _ _ _

____“It’s the best we have to go on.” They straddled their horses and continued on the road. Brienne remained lost in unhappy thoughts for some time. She and the boy had been closer than he was with any of his progeny. Her reaction reminded him of when she’d first heard of the Red Wedding. He had not taken his son’s death nearly so hard. She kept her failures close to her heart. _I fear for her if we do not find them in time, he thought._ Jaime had never been a man to ruminate on his failures or the way things might have been. He’d seen too many men go mad with grief and guilt. _ _ _ _

_____“Are you alright, my lady?” The situation felt eerily familiar._ _ _ _ _

_____“Fine.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“We’ll find them,” he assured her. “This is not your fault, Brienne.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“I know.” Her words rang of finality, perhaps hostility. _Surely, she can’t blame me for this? ____ _ _ _ _

______“It’s no one’s fault,” he tried. She remained silent. “And it’s certainly not mine.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t want to fight.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“No, you want to remain sullen and righteous as ever.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Brienne ground her teeth. “If you had just been kinder, this might never have happened. But you let yourself be provoked.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I didn’t owe that girl anything. She had judged me before I even opened my mouth.” Just like her father._ _ _ _ _ _

______“She’s a child, Jaime. You are not.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“She’s not the only one who’s a child, Brienne,” Jaime retaliated, spurring his horse forward._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I am not a child,” she called after him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Aren't you? To you, every situation has to have a villain to blame and defeat. I don’t know what it will take before you realize that there are no villains or heroes. There’s just us.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“And our actions have consequences. _Your_ actions have consequences. Consequences that were foreseeable had you cared.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_______“So I should have known this would happen? You give me too much credit, Brienne. I’m a cripple not a prophet.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Nor are you a fool.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Or maybe we both are,” he muttered, unconsciously echoing the dour expression for which he teased Brienne._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______They had ridden all day in silence. The tension between was like a third member of their group, demanding to be heard._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Will you at least stop for a meal or do you plan on to starve for your martyrdom.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“ _My ___martyrdom?” she echoed incredulously. “I am not the one who let an entire country think ill of me for no discernible reason.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“They…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She interrupted his attempts at justification. “People can only judge you by what you offer them, and you chose to hide your motives. Your bitterness is ill-deserved, Kingslayer," she said the name in a mocking way reminiscent of Jaime's own tone. "There’s a part of you that longed for it and enjoys it still.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Can we leave Aerys out of this one thing?” Jaime growled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“ _You ___bring him into everything because you won’t give people anything else. You might have changed their minds at any time, but you wanted them to hate you. Just like Sansa. You revel in it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“There was nothing I could have done, Brienne.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“You could have tried.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“I did try…” Jaime drew a deep breath. “Enough. I tire of defending myself.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“And I tire of hearing you. We’ll eat in the saddle unless you need to stop.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________The accusation stung. “I don’t,” he growled through clenched teeth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Their ride continued on in a similar pattern until night had fallen and even Brienne was forced to call an end to it. The dour wench took her bedroll far from him to make her point. “Will you stay angry until we find them then?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“I don’t know. I have never been this angry with you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Of all the things I’ve done this makes you angriest? I had no idea I had corrupted you so much.” He knew that she was upset and taking it out on him, but that did nothing to lessen his own frustration._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“I don’t wish to talk.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Then plug your ears or knock me unconscious, wench, because I do.” Having said that, he paused to stab a stick into the ground and take a breath. “You know Cersei asked me to aid her in her time of need and I threw her letter into the fire to go gallivanting off into the woods with you instead.” He wasn’t sure what he expected her to say or what made him think of it. Perhaps regret._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“I’m sorry you chose poorly, ser.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“You certainly sound it,” he agreed sarcastically. “To think that I could be there dying for her, when instead I’m here encumbering you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Brienne continued to scowl as his self pity. “Perhaps she just wanted you to be there with her. That might have been enough, but you’ll never know because you abandoned her, the other half of your whole." She paused in disgust. "Whenever I think I’ve reached the bottom, there’s always something else.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“That’s who I am Brienne. There will always be something else. I’ve told you that at least half a hundred times since you threw me on that blasted boat. I've done everything but brand it on my bloody forehead but nothing makes it stick in that thick skull of yours.” He paused for a brief moment, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Why was it this difficult? “So did you lie then?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“I am not the liar,” she reminded._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Has it turned around in such a short time? You hate me now?” He felt Pod’s age as he said it. Not even Pod’s age. It either proved her a liar or proved that she wasn’t as mad as she thought._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Brienne wavered, looking all the angrier for her confusion. “No,” she muttered resentfully. “You have. You have told me and told me, ser. I still...I can’t accept it, Jaime.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Jaime watched her wearily for some time. The walls around her had returned. He’d felt like they’d been having this same argument since they met. _Everything is different, and nothing is different ___. "You can't accept me, but you don't hate me," he echoed in thought. “I think I figured it out, Brienne.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Figured what out.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Us. Our patterns”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She gave him a noncommittal grunt._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I don't think it's me. I think it’s you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Jaime...” she warned with a scowl that nearly curled his toes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Hear me out. I think you _are ___lying, just not to me,” he proclaimed. “You have accepted me, Brienne, and that is what you struggle with. You still can’t reconcile the parts of you that like me and the parts of you that despise me for being so different from what you strive to be. From the things that you are. Someone who does not represent justice, knightly valor, or redemption. You like someone that you should, by all rights, hate, and you can not accept that about yourself. _You ___are the person you refuse to fully acknowledge.” Brienne contemplated this while grinding her overly-large teeth. “Or you’re a masochist. Either way, get over your anger because we are stuck together until we find them.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________She did not follow his advice so quickly. “Or until you find a better offer it seems.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“There isn’t one, wench, and you damn well know it. I couldn’t have helped Cersei anyway.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“You could have been there for her as you have been for me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I don’t want to be. I finally know for certain what I want. And I want to be here with you sleeping on these bloody roots looking for idiotic children in the cold.” It must have been hard to argue with such lunacy because she remained quiet for some time. He’d thought she’d fallen asleep._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I suppose I still want you here as well,” she whispered as if she half-hoped he wouldn’t hear._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Then let us have peace.” He moved his bedroll closer to hers. “I’ll take the first watch.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________She hated how perfect he looked in his saddle, even riding without his golden hand. It was as if he and the horse were one creature. But the scene in front of her was a lie. From afar he looked perfect, but up close she could see the extra tension in his shoulders since their fight, and the way he slumped a little when he didn’t think she would notice.  
Unfortunately, Brienne had nothing but time to contemplate him since they had not found either of her charges yet. Her thoughts either turned to the children or Jaime, and rather astoundingly he was less distressing option. They headed further and further into the dead filled woods, but lost time for every person that passed. As they exited their hiding spot from such an encounter, Brienne sighed in frustration._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“We will catch them,” Jaime assured her, but without much conviction._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“What happens if we don’t?” She tried to concentrate back on Jaime, but she kept seeing Pod and Sansa swinging from the trees. “They’re so young.” She found her hand at her throat without ever having consciously moved it there._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“And resilient. They’ve already survived the worst life has to throw at them. They’ll be fine.” The lie did not sit well with either of them. At first their journey had been a hopeful, mad rush to catch the children, now it seemed like a drudge toward misfortune. Brienne didn't even have anger to motivate her anymore. No matter how quickly they moved, it felt as if they were caught in place._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Brienne mulled over Jaime’s observations from the previous night. The more she thought of it the more she had to grudgingly agree with his opinion. Brienne had an image of a true knight that Jaime did not fit. So she tried to make him fit and became angry with him when he didn’t. She couldn’t condone everything that he had done anymore than she could deny their closeness. “I think you were right before. I’m sorry I took my anger out on you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“It’s hardly the first time or the last. Friends again?” She nodded. “Good. I have too few friends as it is. I can’t afford to loose one.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I feel the same, ser.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I’m glad to hear it. You know if anyone is going to put an end to this, it will have to be you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The thought disturbed her. “I would never do that, Jaime.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He smiled briefly. “You really can't help yourself can you?" He shook his head. "I’m giving you a friendly warning, wench. Take is as it’s meant.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________But his words did not feel like a friendly warning to her. If anything, they felt like an invitation to set or remove any boundaries that she saw fit. She had no time to ruminate on his statement before they heard more people approaching. This time there was no chance to hide from view so they approached slowly. Brienne hid beneath her hood, and Jaime concealed his stump._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Brienne kept her eyes low as the men went by them, while Jaime threw a short greeting their way. “Anything we should know of the road ahead?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The man waved off the question. “We are searching for four travelers. A man, a very tall woman, and two children. A boy and a pretty girl. Have you seen them?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“It seems a lot of people are searching for a pretty girl. We’ve seen no…well…” Jaime made a show of scratching his chin as a thought occurred to him. He glanced at Brienne, but there was no time to confer. “Now that I think on it. There may have been a family that passed our way. I tried to warn them not to go in that direction, but they wouldn’t listen.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Which direction?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“They were heading toward the home of Lady Stoneheart.” He gave a brief description. “You’ve surely heard about her if you’ve been riding around here.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Did they say anything else?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Not that I recall. They weren’t very forthcoming. Not that I can blame them with the way things have been lately.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“What about you?” The man addressed Brienne._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“My boy’s mute, ser. You won’t be getting anything from him.” The man eyed Brienne suspiciously. “They looked like the family you describe though. A very tall, even terrifying woman, a quiet boy, a pretty girl of brown hair, and a crippled man. A humorless lot, I’ll tell you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Thank you for your help,” the man addressed Jaime before turning his horse around._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I don’t suppose you’re offering gold in return?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“If you wanted gold you should have asked for it before you talked.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I’ve learned that lesson, ser. That’s how my boy lost his tongue.” Brienne shifted uncomfortably in her saddle. Jaime was enjoying the encounter too much for her taste.  
Without reply, the men left them. Neither Brienne nor Jaime spoke until they were well away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Why did you do that?” Brienne demanded when she deemed it safe._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I would feel better if we had more coin," Jaime answered her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"You told them of the children."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Do you really feel like taking on Lady Stoneheart’s men again, Brienne? We’re still recovering from our last encounter. If that’s where they’ve gone, we’ll need help.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“And what if those men find them first?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Jaime shrugged. “Better Littlefinger than Stoneheart. At least, he won’t kill her because she’s tainted by Lannisters.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“He might kill her for escaping. Or let his men have her.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Jaime shook his head. “He would never throw away a game piece. Besides, if Littefinger’s men find them, we’ll ride gallantly to their rescue. Or you will at least. I don’t know if the word can be applied to cripples.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“It can, ser.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“There’s another word for gallant cripples. Corpses.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“We should have kept up your sword practice,” she admitted._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Your unwavering faith is inspirational.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“I mean to be honest, not rousing.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Fair enough,” he said with a smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Even that scant plan depends on Lady Sansa coming with us again.” She did not mention Pod._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Pod will, in any case,” Jaime reminded her. _If they haven’t killed him. ___He did not voice his concern but it hung over Brienne all the same._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________They followed the company at a distance for the rest of the day, and refused to light a fire that night._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Would you like to take watch now or later, my lady?” Jaime asked considerately._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Brienne felt the time slipping through her fingers. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep either way, Jaime, so I’ll take the first watch and wake you if I tire.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I’m not sure I could sleep either,” he admitted. “It’s strange being out here without Pod, isn’t it?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________He could not help but rub dirt in her wounds. “Yes, strange and…cold.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I know the boy means a lot to you, my lady. All my children were raised as Robert’s so I’ve no real experience caring for them or even caring a great deal about them. I’ve tried more recently with Tommen, but it’s nothing like what I see you have with Pod. I’m almost envious.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I would rather not speak of it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Jaime sighed. “Why must you always be this way? I know it bothers you, Brienne.” Her first thought was that it was none of his concern, but that was doing him a disservice._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“We don’t always have to talk about what troubles us.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I see it etched in you, my lady. Everyday. You carry your burdens like a shield. You can’t go on that way forever. I know. I didn’t speak until a maiden seduced me in a tub. The bitterness nearly drowned me if you recall.” She picked up a stick and started knocking dirt from her boots. “If you’re worried you might weep again, I’ll promise to keep my lips to myself,” he tried weakly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“That is not it.”_ Talking made it all worse. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Than I revoke the promise as Kingslayers are like to do,” he smiled at her. “Come on, wench. The offer won’t be there forever.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“It’s…you tease me for not trusting anyone, but then this happens,” she spoke quickly. Despite what Jaime said, she had a feeling he would have bothered her until dawn had she not conversed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“You feel betrayed?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________She nodded but could not force herself to look at him. “I feel a fool. I can’t decide if I want to pull the boy into my arms or wring his neck. I don’t know how you do it, Jaime.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Clearly I opted for the first choice.” She felt herself blushing again but only slightly. “Do not let life take everything from you, Brienne. Your reaction is your choice, one of the few that you get. Don’t let Pod’s actions keep you from trusting others.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________She eyed him. “You are referring to yourself.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“As ever.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I've already told you I trust you, Jaime.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“But I’m a greedy man. I want you to trust me more.” He shifted slightly to look up at her from his place on the ground. “The way I trust you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________She paused for a moment. “How can you? I’m not sure I even trust myself anymore.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I know what is it to do the wrong thing for the right reason,” he whispered, trying not to be pulled down into his memories. “I know you never asked for my forgiveness, but you have it. My forgiveness, my trust, and my friendship.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Thank you, Jaime. And…I do trust you…completely.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Don’t take offense, Brienne, but I’ll believe you when I see it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________She paused for a moment grasping for proof. “When Pod and I were searching for Sansa we traveled with several different men." "I'm not sure I like where this is going, wench." "My point is that I would not lay with any other man like this.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Lay?” he echoed with a smile. “You make it all sound so tawdry.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“You know what I meant, Jaime." “How am I supposed to resist teasing you when you make it so easy.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Then there isn’t any sport in it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“And yet I find myself entertained.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Brienne gave up the fight. “I suppose I should be glad I don’t bore you, ser.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“You should,” he agreed. “I do terrible things when I’m bored.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“You do reckless things when you’re bored.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________He smiled. “Like jumping into bear pits. I couldn’t help myself. You are the least boring person I have ever met. Even when we first met I could not contain my fascination.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I recall.” She could not think back to those first days with quite the fondness that he did._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I did not truly understand it then. I think that’s why I was so unrelenting in my mockery, you wouldn’t speak to me otherwise.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________She answered with a single look._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________He grinned at her. “What? You don’t believe me?” She shook her head so her dry hair swished over her shoulders. “Me either, but it makes a better story, doesn’t it? In the end that’s what matters.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I suppose,” she said carefully, unsure of where he was headed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“In a thousand years the truth will be dead and in the ground with us. The only things that live on are stories. The things we write in the bloody white book. If you tell the right story, you can change history. Goldenhand the Just or the Kingslayer, the more compelling version will win out.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Goldenhand the Just?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________He flinched. “Never mind.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“I suppose in even one hundred years they might write about me as an actual beauty.” Brienne eased his embarrassment._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Brienne the Beauty, The Maid of Tarth, turning down hundreds of suitors unworthy of your maidenhead. You’ll be turned into a pious bedtime story inspiring noble girls to keep their legs shut.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Brienne broke into an honest smile at the thought of her legacy being portrayed as such. “Or a horror story. A hideous, righteous woman murdering men across Westeros because she can’t find a proper husband.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“Sometimes the truth stings, wench.” She grabbed a small stick and tossed it in his direction. Seconds later, she heard a most satisfying hiss. “Perhaps that doesn’t do you justice.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________“And would Goldenhand the Just do _you_ justice?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Goldenhand the Just always does justice, hence his moniker.” She waited. “I’m afraid I don’t quite live up to the name.” His craned his neck to look at her again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Brienne hesitated. “You are…larger than a story could capture, ser.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“That’s one way of putting it. I could say the same of you, but I fear you would take it as an insult.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Only if that was how it was meant.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Not in my experience. I could say that you were the most honest, loyal, truly good person in all of Westeros, and you would swear to the ends of the world that I was teasing you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“You’re teasing me now,” she made an excellent point._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I mean it, Brienne. Take the compliment before I come to my senses and remember how annoying those traits truly are,” he said rather gruffly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Thank you, Jaime.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"And what do you have to say to me in return? I'm curious."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________I love you. She froze in shock as she realized that she'd been seconds away from voicing it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __

_______________"The Maid of Tarth is speechless. I wish I could stay I was surprised. Alas, she blushes as no praise comes to mind."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________"You...You are brave, and funny, and I owe you my life and much else."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________"I never knew you thought I was funny." He grinned at her as if nothing had changed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________"On rare occasion. I don't like to encourage you." She swallowed. "You should try to sleep. We'll be at the camp tomorrow. You'll need your rest."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________“As my lady bids." He turned away from her to sleep. Brienne was glad to be alone again as his breathing deepened. It was not as if she'd been unaware of her feelings. It wasn't even as if they hadn't already kissed. By now she felt fairly certain of both their feelings. But she had almost said it aloud in front of him. In all her time at Renly's camp, she had never declared her feelings for him or felt nearly comfortable enough to do so. With Renly she had always known nothing would or could happen. She hadn't even minded his marriage because the thought of being with Renly had been so absurd. She had been safe in her unrequited love. But Jaime...He was just as unattainable, and yet so much closer. With Jaime she could see the possibility of loving and being loved. There was so much between them. It made her feel better, stronger, and oddly craven._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks you for comments and kudos. Some of you guys have stuck with this for a really long time and...Thank You!


	16. A Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They look for the kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are upsetting things in the chapter. Just fyi. 
> 
> Happy fourth!

The day had been agony. They had spent it following Littlefinger's men from a distance. Though It was not hard to avoid their notice as the men were oblivious to their surroundings, it had been dull. When they came to an inn they stopped long enough to eat and drink. Upon exiting, they had another man with them who seemed unhappy to be in their company. Jaime had hoped for some entertainment then but had been sorely disappointed at the man's cooperation. After a long day of nothing but riding, terrible songs, and exaggerated tales Littlefinger's men finally led Jaime and Brienne to their destination.

At that point, they deemed it safe to brake away from the men in order to make their own plans and wait for a fight. 

They approached the camp very slowly but not slowly enough. Jaime felt a sword at his back in the dark. “Trying to steal something?” Warm breath hissed in his ear. “You came to the wrong place.”

“No, I think I have to right one.”

“Do you? Were you looking to be hanged? I should thank you. It’s much easier when you come to us.”

“I have been accused of having a death wish,” Jaime admitted as Brienne rammed the hilt of her sword into the head of the unsuspecting guard. Jaime glanced at the man, knowing that they should run a sword through him to be sure of his death. Brienne stayed his hand.

“Not unless we have to,”

“It could cost us our lives.”

“My count is already too high.”

“Then let me do it.”

“Leave him,” Brienne pleaded. 

Jaime did as she asked against his better judgment but added a kick on the way by for good measure. “You’re going to be the death of me one day, wench,” he groused. For all her moral objections, she still looked as if she agreed. "Seven help me."

They hid amongst the trees on the outskirts of camp. “All we have to do is wait,” Brienne repeated more for her sake than his. Neither of them was very good at waiting, especially after a whole day of it.

They heard screams from within the camp. Jaime felt Brienne move beside him and made to catch her shoulders. "I wasn't going to do anything," she growled at his grasp. 

"You never know with you, wench," he pointed out, brushing the scar on her cheek with his finger tips.

There was another scream. A girl's scream. Rather than grab his sword and charge into the midst of the action, Jaime slid his fingers down to clutch Brienne's free hand. They stayed like that for a while listening for anything more. They heard nothing else the but the frenzy of men.

“If Littlefinger’s men don’t act soon...” Jaime threatened as time wore on and the camp remained undisturbed. "They will miss that guard at some point. We will be done before we start."

“They will act. They must.”

“If only they would consider those of us skulking in the bushes.” As soon as the tight words left his mouth, chaos erupted in the camp. He and Brienne inched around the fighting, waiting for the opportunity to infiltrate without conflict. They witnessed a man hopping with a shoe in one hand and a sword in the other as they neared the tents. Most of the places they searched were empty, but Brienne fought if they were discovered. For all her concern, by the time they found what they were looking for her number had definitely increased. 

Sansa sat tethered to a pole in the center of the room, backed as far away as her bonds would allow. Her guard was approaching her menacingly when Brienne and Jaime entered. At first he didn’t notice them, he was so intent on the girl. Brienne made sure to draw his attention. To his credit, the guard spared them any last words as Brienne shoved her sword through his gut. Jaime had only seen her fight in earnest twice in scant glances as he fought as well, but he’d never seen the ferocity on her features held then. 

“Did he touch you?” Brienne demanded of the girl.

Sansa shook her head, causing the tears to finally fall from her eyes. It was then that Jaime noticed it. Her branding. Red and ugly on her forehead. A disproportionate L. The new atrocity froze him in place as Brienne cut the Stark girl free. 

Brienne was questioning her. “Where’s Pod?”

“He…they…I don’t know. They were beating him and…and dragged me away.” She clung to Brienne as she spoke.

“Did they kill him?” Jaime broke out of his daze to ask the question.

Sansa shook her head, rubbing her wrist. “I don’t know.”

Jaime and Brienne glanced at each other. He knew the look in her eyes. “I can’t protect her,” he reminded.

“I have to be sure.”

Jaime nodded. “Take her. I’ll make sure.”

“Jaime…” Brienne started to protest, but they were interrupted by one of Littlefinger’s men. She defeated him in three surprise slashes as Sansa looked on in horror. It only served to reinforce Jaime’s point. 

“He met her eyes in question.

Brienne nodded slowly, grabbed the girl, and was gone. 

Brienne pulled Sansa out of the tent after her, forgetting to be as gentle with the girl as she should have been. Perhaps Jaime was not the only person with whom she was frustrated.

“You’re hurting me,” Sansa cried. 

Brienne dropped the girl’s arm immediately, looking for the best way forward. Though she had successfully found Sansa, her night was far from over. “I’m sorry. Stay close. We’ll be out of the fray soon. Don’t worry…” As she turned around to face the child she found only empty space. “Sansa!” She screamed once before remembering herself. There was a glimpse of a slight figure dashing ahead. Brienne followed, cursing under her breath. 

Deftly, Sansa made her way through the crowd. Brienne glanced in the direction that she was moving and saw what she intended. Ahead of them was Lady Stoneheart, sneaking away from camp. 

Brienne could only watch in horror as Sansa knelt next to a fallen soldier to steal his knife before continuing on her path. It seemed that the girl had finally broken, and it would soon be her death. She got very close to the woman before one of the bodyguards turned toward her. Sansa froze for a moment, stepping backward as the man readied his sword. Her grip tightened on her dagger as she positioned herself.

Brienne caught up with her in time to intercede on her behalf. The man's attention was forced to Brienne which gave Sansa the time to slip past. “Mother,” Sansa screamed, causing Lady Stoneheart to turn toward her. A moment’s hesitation was all she needed. Sansa drove her knife into the heart of the creature before her and awaited her fate with a dignity breathtaking to behold.

Brienne screamed from behind them, crashing further into the scene with enough time to push the girl to the side before taking a sword slice to her arm. She took a few more blows as she fought to put both of the Lady’s lieutenants to the ground. The men had fear in their eyes, and it was their downfall. Slightly worse off, Brienne turned to her charge. “Let’s go.” This time she held onto Sansa firmly.

The women disappeared into the surrounding woods as the sounds of metal faded behind them. 

“You shouldn’t have done that, my lady,” Brienne scolded.Trying not to kill had been much harder than she had thought. Her wish had prolonged fights which led to more unnecessary encounters and fights that she could not afford. In a single night she had lost track of her count entirely. 

Sansa did not respond in word, but Brienne noticed her hand move to cover her face, which was curiously empty. 

“I meant that you shouldn’t have had to do that. I’m sorry. Though it was a foolish thing to do, you did the right thing. I think your mother would be proud.” Sansa had no response to that. Her lack of expression after such an ordeal was worrying. Brienne thought back to the girl standing hauntingly still in front of the blade meant to kill her. “I beg you to remember that you are not alone even now. You have a brother still and…Arya” No name. No title. No life or hope of one. Her brother had sworn to give up his family as part of the Night’s Watch, and her sister was missing. “And Pod and I will look after you.” 

Sansa hung her head, hiding her face from sight. "Unless I've killed him." 

"Don't...We don't know that. There's no sense in dwelling on it now." Brienne couldn't think about it. She wouldn't.

"Would you look after me then?" It was a challenge.

"Yes," Brienne answered honestly.

Sansa considered her answer for a moment before replying. "But would you want to?" 

Brienne had made her vow when she had had nothing of her own. Now it may have cost her Pod. "My lady, we're fleeing for our lives. Now is not the time for this."

Sansa glanced at her. "If I were in your place, I would have left me there."

"I don't believe that." Brienne swallowed her fears. "How is your forehead?" 

Sansa shrugged. "I don't feel it."

"One good thing." She would feel it eventually. Her wound and everything that had happened since. Brienne gave up trying to speak to her and just placed her arm around her shoulder as she led them to the horses. 

 

Jaime left the tent behind him, slinking through the camp. Finding a child in the mass of bodies would not be easy. He held his sword in hand ready to defend himself, but he still felt a self-consciousness that he had never felt in battle. He couldn’t help but think of Tyrion in Blackwater. Maybe he ready did have a deathwish. 

The longer he looked the more perilous his situation became. Finally, he decided to take charge and headed into the fray. He quickly found a man of Lady Stoneheart’s dying on the ground. Jaime held his sword to the man’s throat. “You're dying slowly by someone else's hand. If you would like to make it quick and painless, tell me where the boy is.” The man started at him blankly before spitting in his face. “These are your last moments in this world. Think about that.” Jaime noticed the man glance behind him and put up his sword in time to block the would-be fatal blow.

“Well, if it isn’t the handless wonder,” the soldier remarked. Their swords remained locked, but Jaime’s position was the weaker one. 

“Not quite handless,” he corrected, getting a feel for the man. "Though wonder feels appropriate."

“I thought you looked familiar, Kingslayer. You’re the man from the road. Well, I’ll be fucked.” 

“With any luck we’ll all be fucked. Much later than this day. My fight’s not with you.” He managed to stand on his feet with his opponent’s good will.

“I always wanted to fight you, Lannister, ever since your daddy got you in the Kingsguard.”

Jaime had to smile at the idea. “You want a place in the Kingsguard? I can see to it. You’ll hardly be the most disreputable person there. Just tell me if you’ve seen the boy.” He kept his tone light so as not to encourage a fight.

“What’s to keep me from killing you and getting the job anyway?” he tested.

 _Skill mostly_ “If I die, Loras would be your commander and he doesn’t have the softness for ruffians that I do. There’s also the queen to think of. She’s rather fond of me.”

“So I hear.” The man considered it. “I might have seen the boy in a tent to your left.”

“Thank you,” Jaime stated. He tried to take his leave but ran into the flat side of the man’s sword. His gaze followed the sword back to its owner. “Your men are fighting for their lives. Be a good man, and help them out.”

“Seems to me we wouldn’t be fighting for our lives if your sister-fucking mouth hadn’t led us here.”

Jaime sighed. “I led you where you wanted to go. The girl is here. That's all you should be concerned with.”

“What about your ‘son’?”

Jaime shrugged with a devious grin. “What matters more to you, your honor or your pride? I’m only here for the boy. Do yourself a favor, and go get the girl.”

The man slowly removed his sword from Jaime’s path. “Ser Don Royce.”

“Good decision, Ser Don Royce. I’ll let you know.” Just what he needed.

Keeping his eyes open for attack, Jamie backed away from the dying men. He made his way round the fight to find a poor, broken boy lying in chains. “Pod,” Jaime called. “Pod?”

He stirred slightly. “Ser?” They had certainly not been kind to him this time. The boy lay beaten and broken. Defeated. Jaime recognized the expression well.

“Can you move?”

The boy nodded. “Where’s ser?”

“If you can stand, we need to go.”

“It’s locked,” Pod protested, barely lifting his manacled foot in demonstration. It connected to a spike driven deep into the ground. Jaime rattled the chain fruitlessly. There was no hope of pulling it out, especially one-handed. 

“Who has the key?” Jaime demanded.

“I…I don’t know.” One of the boy’s eyes was completely swollen shut. “Ser, you should leave. Just leave me. I…I… can’t…” Jaime stared at the poor boy before him, unsure if he would have had the strength to turn away a rescue if their situations were reversed. Pod had far more guts than anyone had given him credit for. And Jaime planned on seeing that those guts stayed right where they were.

“Stay here. I won’t be a moment.” Jaime disappeared into the mass once more unsure of what he was going to do. The fight around him was starting to die down. Men were starting to take more notice of him. Whoever won this fight would be after their heads no matter how many men Jaime bribed. They had to escape while the confusion lasted. As he finished searching a body, the futility of his actions became too apparent. There was no way he could search them all, and no guarantee that the man with the key was dead. “There’s no time,” he growled. The solution came to him unbidden and cruel.

He returned to the tent where Pod was being held as if he had been triumphant in his search. He wanted to save the boy as much pain as he could. “Pod, I have the key,” Jaime claimed, holding the child’s ankle to the ground. It was an uneven surface with far too much give. “Have you seen Ladies Brienne and Sansa?” Jaime asked feebly, but it was useless. The boy saw what he had planned the moment he grabbed his sword. Pod's eyes went wide with terror, and Jaime hesitated. 

As hard as he fought his memories, his stump started to ache something terrible. He flinched as badly as when Zollo had cut the damn thing off. "I'm sorry," Jaime muttered. He was sorry for both the act and his reluctance to do it. _Commit and it will be easier for him. Mean it._ His hand shook.

To Pod's great credit, he did not fight as Jaime brought his sword down upon his ankle nor when Jaime was forced to hack again. Quickly, Jaime placed his sword in his scabbard, picked up the screaming boy, and carried him away into the woods with rubbery legs. They left his foot behind. 

“Wrap your cloak around it to staunch the bleeding,” Jaime barked as he made his way, but the boy was beyond following orders. Pod was heavier than he thought, but the child was obviously in no condition to walk on his own. He wouldn't be ever again. Jaime had seen to that. 

When he had carried Pod as far as he could, Jaime set him down on the ground and pulled back the blood-soaked cloak to see the damage he had caused. The boy cried all the harder at the sight of it. “The blood has slowed,” Jaime observed. “You’ll live.”

Pod looked up at him with eyes full of tears and accusations that he would not voice. “I had no choice, Pod. We both would have died back there.” Jaime had no right to expect comfort from Pod, but he wanted it anyway. He needed to be forgiven for this. “Do you understand?”

He recieved nothing. It seemed that Pod had finally fainted.

 

They came upon Jaime kneeling beside Pod’s body. Brienne left Sansa in her hurry to the boy’s side. It was only at that point that Jaime seemed to notice their arrival. Brienne heaved a sigh of relief as Pod's chest rose and fell, but stiffened at the sight of his leg. “What happened?” she demanded.

“I couldn’t find the key,” Jaime said without much emotion.

At that, her eyes flashed in his direction. Sansa had joined Brienne at Pod’s side, allowing the former to relinquish her worried stance. She had no time to deal with Jaime’s distress. “Do you think they would take us back at the isle?”

“Pod and the girl,” he reasoned.

“Are you injured?”

“Unscathed. And you?” 

Brienne brushed off the question. “We need to keep moving.” Brienne took Pod into her arms to carry him to her horse. Sansa walked beside them, hovering.

Jaime's attention slid to her. “Are you satisfied?” he lashed out. Sansa closed her eyes as if he had slapped her.

“Jaime,” Brienne warned. 

“If…”

“Not now. Please, Jaime. Let’s just get Pod to the isle.” Brienne took Pod on her horse, forcing Sansa to ride with Jaime. The latter took the time to secure Pod's leg on the saddle to elevate it the best that he could before mounting his horse.

A few minutes later Pod started to move in her arms. As he came back to consciousness Brienne held him to her a little tighter. “I’ve got you. We’re on our way to the isle. You’ll be fine. You're safe now,” she whispered to the boy, pretending not to notice the tears streaming down her armor. It had not been so long ago that she had ridden with Jaime as he suffered a similar fate.

“Pod, I…I’m so sorry,” Sansa cried. It was all she could say. Desperately, Sansa reached across from her perch to grab the boy’s hand. At her touch, Pod wrenched it away from her, hiding his face against Brienne. 

“Give it time,” Jaime advised her before he could stop himself. 

Sansa examined the saddle. “How painful was it?” she whispered.

“The worst pain I’ve ever felt," he admitted. "All I wanted to do was die, and I would have without The Maid.”

The girl started to cry.

He watched her uneasily. “What a party we make,” he muttered across to Brienne. 

They rode in mostly silence until the sun started to rise and the isle appeared before them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for everything. Next chapter will take longer as I hate finishing things and I'm going to be busy. Not two years worth of procrastination though so...positive note?  
> Also thanks for kudos and comments and reading and living and stuff.


	17. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I had this finished, but then it disappeared. So it is still subject to some small changes because I'm not as happy with it. Grrrr.

As they watched Sansa and Pod cross the waters, Jaime sat down in relief. 

“I’ve never been this tired,” he observed as he dropped himself onto the ground.

“We should go stay at the inn for a few nights while the children heal,” Brienne pointed out reasonably. She had no intention of sitting just to get back up again a moment later.

“I’m embarrassed to say that I could use a rest, wench. And so could the horses. Join me?” He patted the ground beside him. 

With little protest and just as little grace, she did as he suggested, feeling the sudden release of tension now that there was nothing to do but wait. 

“Well, we’re alive wench. What do you think of that?” Jaime must have sensed her mood.

She was too exhausted to think of anything beside the horror of the previous night. “I think that…I should stop offering my protection as it does little good,” she commented.

"At least all of your charges are still alive. That's more than I can say for mine." Not Catlyn Stark. Not Renly. Jaime heaved a put upon sigh when she remained contemplative. “It’s the people who are the problem, Brienne. I should have known you’d be this way. I can’t watch you knock yourself around. It does no one any good.” She was paying him little mind. “Least of all me.”

Brienne concentrated on the sad sight in front of her instead. “Look at them Jaime. Their lives will never be the same.”

“Be mad at me then. At least that would make some sense. I severed the boy’s foot. I drove the girl away. I shouldn’t be here to begin with, remember?” he threw her own arguments back at her. 

“I couldn’t have saved them without you.”

Unable to cheer her, he joined in her melancholy, following her gaze across the river. “Saved them. I suppose that’s what you would call it.” 

“Will you be okay?”

“I’ve never cut off a foot before. Heads." He thought of Pia. "He took it well. Certainly better than I did. Though I doubt he’ll look me in eye anytime soon.” Jaime turned his eyes to her. “I thought you would be livid, truth be told. I’m a little disappointed.”

“Would you like to be scolded?”

“I feel like a butcher,” he confessed. 

Brienne shook her head. “You had to do it, Jaime. It saved his life.”

“Yes, but…but I made a mess of it, Brienne. At least Zollo had the decency to make it one clean swipe.”

“I don’t know that I could have done it at all,” Brienne whispered.

He made a face. “It would have been better if you had stayed, Brienne. My sword was too dull, and my arm too weak. You would have saved him pain.”

“And you might have kept a better grip on Sansa’s arm. But it’s done and they are alive. I will even admit that I helped if that will make you happy,” she redirected.

He gave a noncommittal grunt. “I can say for sure that the girl would not have been safer with me. Not if I knew of the boy.”

“She’s paid for her mistake just like any of us.”

Jaime read her face. “With more than her mother’s belated wedding gift?” 

Brienne nodded. “She killed Lady Stoneheart.”

He raised his eyebrow with either admiration or shock. “Lady Sansa?”

“Took a knife and plunged it into her heart,” Brienne confirmed. “I’m worried about her.”

“Killing a parent is not an easy thing to live with. Still, it is an impressive kill. Assuming she stays dead.”

Brienne frowned. “You think it was for nothing?”

Jaime shrugged. “She’s cheated death before. Let us hope that this time it takes. I’d toast to that if I had any wine.” He licked his dry lips. “I’d give anything to have a drink right now.”

Brienne rolled her eyes skyward. “Then I’m pleased we have nothing.”

“Just to spite me?” he asked somewhat amused. 

“Drink turns men into animals.”

“A common misconception.”

“Even my father acts differently when he imbibes,” she argued. 

“Differently, I’m sure, but it does not change men so much as it reveals them. If you’ve seen men act like animals when they’re drunk, wench, they are only wolves in sheep clothing when they’re sober. I would know. Robert never did or said a thing he didn’t mean, but he’d always claim it was the drink the next morning.” He leaned back on the same log they had been by when he had first kissed her. “I would be very curious to see _you_ in your cups, milady.”

“I don’t partake,” she crushed his hopes.

He vaguely remembered her drinking water when they had dined with Lord Bolton. “Shall I feign surprise? Never fear. We will make it happen at some boring feast or other so you will be perfectly safe and entertained.”

“I don’t usually attend them...for obvious reasons.”

“Ah. We’ll have to fix that too. I would very much like to see a lady of your inhibitions when they’ve been stripped away.”

Brienne blushed and rested next to him against the log. “I’m clumsy enough sober, Jaime.”

“So am I,” he muttered, closing his eyes. 

“And what else are you like, ser?” The question left her tired lips before she had a chance to filter it. She could not even open her eyes for the answer.

Jaime smiled. “When I’ve had wine? Ever the same.” The claim did not surprise her, but she still listened intently, enjoying the sound of his voice. “Drunk or dead sober, I’m always a wolf.” Brienne laughed at the contradiction. “So to speak.” He gazed at her mirth filled face until she had settled down again. That was when he noticed the blood on her arm. “Is that Pod’s?”

“I’m not sure,” she chortled.

“Is it yours?” he asked more directly.

She shrugged. “It could be.”

“By the gods, Brienne,” he muttered in irritation. “Let’s have a look.”

“It’s not serious, Jaime. I’m tired and…”

Ignoring her, he started to pull on the straps that held her armor to her. With one hand, he had little success. “We need to wash it at least. It may be nothing now, but wait till it turns green. If you thought my stump was hard to look at…” he let his voice trail off as she wearily undid her armor for him. 

It had stopped bleeding on its own and looked clear enough, but having made it an issue Jaime was reluctant to do nothing. He went and filled his water skin to pour over the wound. As he trickled the water over her, he wanted to clear off some of the encrusted blood. It was a two-handed job. Taking the waterskin in his teeth he did it anyway.

He swiped at her hands as she tried to help. “I could do that,” Brienne objected despite her amusement. 

He grunted in response, the only response he was capable of with hide between his teeth. If anyone else had smiled at his predicament, he would have knocked them sideways. But seeing joy in Brienne was worth a little loss of dignity.  
When the job had been done to his satisfaction, he dropped the skin from his mouth to the ground in front of her. Brienne broke into hysterics. “What?” he asked gruffly.

“You really are a wolf,” she gasped 

He supposed in the moment, practically on all fours with a waterskin in his mouth, he had looked the part. She continued laughing far past when she should have stopped. He could not help but smile. “I think you are in dire need of sleep, wench.” He plopped next to her, swiping a stray straw-like hair from her face.

They both fell asleep with a smile haunting their lips.

 

Pod sat as far from her as he was able as they crossed the water. She could not help but glance at him occasionally in hopes of catching his eye. His gaze was always resolutely elsewhere.

When they reached land one of the men helped them both from the boat. Sansa reached for Pod’s elbow to help him walk, but she was pushed aside. “I can…” she protested to deaf ears. Someone briefly touched her shoulder and led her away towards a different building. She was seen to and then abruptly abandoned. 

Left with her thoughts, she paced her increasingly blurry room. The night had been worse than anything she could have imagined. It had been a reminder of how the world treats the helpless. A reminder that hope was for the foolish. A reminder that she was still both of those things. But even after her ordeal, _she_ was still in one piece. She ran her fingers through her hair before sitting on the edge of her cot, suddenly glad to be alone. The feeling did not last. She needed something solid to sustain her and keep her torment at bay. There was nothing but a few books in the corner of her room. After spending the night tossing and turning to images of hot metal and the sounds of Pod’s cries, she decided to search him out the next day. 

 

Nothing was right. Nothing had ever been right. Or fair. _Especially_ fair. Over the course of his short life, Pod had never thought much about the future. Planning anything beyond his next meal had been asking for disappointment. The first time he seemed to have anything resembling a proper goal had been with Tyrion. Though he had not been a traditional squire, there had been the distinct possibility of a knighthood. A possibility he had impulsively abandoned in search of his master. Then with Brienne, the idea had returned if not been spoken aloud. Perhaps it was easier that way. It would definitely not be spoken now. Pod could not force himself to even look at the end of his leg.

On the ride to the isle, Sansa had kept trying to catch his eye. He made sure to look anywhere else, pretending to be endlessly fascinated by a log floating on the water. At least he had thought it was a log. For all he knew it might have been his foot. When they led Sansa off to the women’s cabins, he was instantly relieved. 

That night as he lay in bed, he imagined Brienne curled up with him, holding him as they had done on the road. He could almost hear her whispering comfort, maybe even running a hand through his hair to calm him. The image distracted him from the throbbing. But she wasn’t there, and the distraction didn't last. 

Instead there was Sansa. Even thinking her name made him angry. The next morning she came to his ward, approaching his bed cautiously. The men of the isle seemed offended by her very presence, but he knew that wasn’t what slowed her steps. 

Pod glanced at her briefly before averting his eyes toward the bed. He did not attempt to speak or blush as he might have done a week ago. He simply wished her gone. 

“I…” Sansa started hesitantly. Pod held up a hand to silence her, feeling his eyes grow hot.

Disregarding the motion, she continued, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” The audacity that she would ignore him still. He glared. 

“Don’t,” he warned, feeling all his emotions building. Anger and resentment were fighting off despair. He wasn’t ready. He hadn’t processed it. He hadn’t had the time. “Just leave. _Please_.” The nicety almost killed him.

He felt her fidget. “I don’t want to be alone.”

He shrugged, shaking his head to deny her. “I don’t care.”

“I know you don’t want…”

“You _don’t_ know though!” he reminded her brutally. His eyes focused on her wound for a moment. She had not escaped unscathed either. “You didn’t know anything. You…you said she wouldn’t hurt us. But she did, didn’t she?” 

Sansa hung her head in response. 

“You didn’t know, and you wouldn’t leave,” Pod groaned, scrunching his face in an effort to take back control. He leaned further into the wall behind him, sagging.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care!” He had always thought that the worst was behind him. He thought he had already paid his price and would fight his way to something to be proud of. But that’s not how it worked. All of his obstacles were not building as a part of some greater plan or happy ending. It was just all shit. And now he was even more shit. Pod braved a glance at his stump. He had thought loosing a finger was bad. He had thought it was the worst thing that would ever happen to him. _Again._ One bad decision. He stared at Sansa accusingly, clenching his jaw. “Don’t give me an apology! I don’t want it! It’s useless!” he snarled, violently slamming his good hand down on the table. She jumped. He wanted to do more. “Like you!”

“I…” she stumbled. He saw something in her eyes that both pleased him and set off a mirroring emotion. “I’ll come tomorrow,” she promised, fleeing in distress. As her edge of her dress disappeared, he realized that it had been not distress. Not entirely. It had been fear. No one had ever looked at him like that before. Like he would hurt them. Like he would enjoy it. _I scared her_. He of all people. His primal pleasure disappeared, leaving him to feel the absence again.

Some time later, he heard footsteps in the hall. Wiping tears from his eyes, he both hoped and dreaded that it was Sansa. 

It wasn’t. The Elder brother walked into the room with a presence that Pod could not help but admire. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” Pod lied, trying to hide the evidence of his tears. The older man had nothing but compassion.

“It’s a hard thing to bare. Especially for one so young.” Pod did not have anything to say. “Something like that…It makes most men wonder about the fairness of the Seven.” The truth of the statement was plain to see in the boy’s eyes. The Edler Brother relaxed slightly, leaning back in his chair to examine Pod in earnest. “How many times have you been here, Podrick?”

“Three,” Pod realized. It was their sanctuary. 

“Three,” the brother echoed. “Why is that?”

“We…we keep getting hurt.”

The brother nodded. “And why is _that_?” Pod stared at him in confusion. “What I’m getting at, Podrick, is that there might be a reason you keep ending up here.” Pod watched him wearily now, only a shade shy of hostile. “Some of the brothers and I have been consulting. We see men come and go here, but very few have your spirit. Your character. We think you could do well here, if you chose to.”

That look him by surprise. “Here?”

“We have other men who are lame here. Worse off than you, who might be beggars elsewhere. On the isle, they manage to contribute. Thrive even. It’s their home.”  
_Home_. “But…but you’re brothers.”

The man nodded. “And you could be too. Only if you want it,” he added at Pod’s expression. “But, Podrick, the world outside is violent and hostile. Something I’m sure you’ve seen.” Pod nodded his acknowledgement. “And you are a gentle, good lad.” 

Pod felt himself blushing in shame. “I…I’m not…I snapped at Lady Sansa and …and betrayed Lady Brienne,” Pod confessed, hanging his head.

To his surprise, the Elder Brother smiled at him as he stood. “Think on the offer, Podrick,” With that, he left.

 

Jaime woke with a shudder of terror. It had been awhile since he had had a dream so intense that he lost track of reality. He glanced over at Brienne to see that she was slowly waking up as well. Moments passed where she said nothing to him. Her eyes remained closed, but he knew she was awake. 

“I’m sorry, I did not mean to wake you,” he muttered, staring up at the sky.

“I’ve had nightmares of my own often enough.”

He thought of keeping it to himself but it burst forth from him without permission. “This one...I was chopping Cersei into bits. Hacking off piece by piece and tossing her merrily to the side while she screamed.” He flinched at the echoes in his head. It had been his first dream of Cersei in weeks. “Everyday of our lives is a nightmare. You’d think we could at least find peace in sleep.”

Brienne made a face of disgust. After an uncomfortable pause she spoke. “At least you were not eating her.”

“Gods, Brienne. Even your dreams must outdo mine,” he complained, newly disturbed.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I'm…I…I just can’t stop thinking about it.”

“It wasn’t real, Jaime.”

“Not the dream…Pod.” He raised his hand, protecting his eyes from the sun above. “Of all people.”

Brienne touched his shoulder in sympathy, causing him to flinch. Her hand flew backwards, quick as a cat. “I’m sorry,” they both apologized immediately. He shook his head to negate her unnecessary guilt. His heart leapt into his throat only to take residence as his every muscle tried to squeeze the life out of him. He rubbed his chest with his hand, quietly staring at his stump. The shine of the steel. His arrogance. The scream ripped from his own throat. “I’m sorry, Brienne. I seem to be a little on edge.” Realizing the first chop had not done the job. Watching his victim pass out covered in blood. Jaime felt that it might never go away.

He became suddenly aware of Brienne in his line of sight. Slowly, softly she turned his head toward her, letting her hand fall away once she met his questioning gaze. _Her eyes._ Without touching him elsewhere, Brienne brought her lips to his. Neither of them deepened the kiss nor backed down from it, enjoying the connection and comfort that it brought. Pulling away just as gently as she’d come, Brienne searched his face worriedly. “You'll be okay,” she assured him. Whether she was speaking in the singular or plural he did not know. "It's not your shame." She wore the very slimmest of smiles, taking his hand.

“Thank you.” Jaime swallowed, averting his gaze as she urged him to sleep. The contact helped calm him, though sleep was still elusive.


	18. Last Words: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go. Yay!
> 
> Also Sansa and Pod did not make the cut for this chapter. Poor kids.

Brienne glanced over only to find Jaime awake. “There is no sense in trying to sleep in the open when the children will be healing for days if not more. We should go to the inn,” she suggested in frustration.

She obviously planned to ignore her kiss from hours before, which he honestly found a relief. He was in no mood for trite apologies or explanations. Or anything else. “With what money? Do you have some golden bits I don’t know about?” he gave her body a quick once over.

She offered him her hand up from the ground, pulling him dangerously close to her. Brienne took a step back. “W…We can trade the horses.”

“I usually fancy a good walk but not all the way to Kingslanding.”

“You shouldn’t ride there alone anyway.”

“Walking there is better?” His question was intentionally dense. She sighed. “You mean to take a ship to Tarth then?” he complied.

Brienne nodded. “It will not be a long voyage and…with Pod.” 

“I understand.” He also understood that there was no longer anything keeping him there. They were all safe. He wondered if Brienne realized it as well. “We can sell both the horses, but we still might not have enough for the inn and two ships.”

“I am tired of sleeping with one eye open,” Brienne sighed. 

“There is another option, but I don’t think you will like it.” He indicated her midriff.

He knew that she had misunderstood by the look of her face. He should have immediately put a stop to it, but he was so entertained and slightly insulted that he waited until she could form the words. “Jaime, how…even in jest,” she sputtered.

He laughed, unable to help himself. “What _else_ is at your waist, wench? It might be worth a little less, but it will do.”

Her hand flew to her sword with intent to either skewer him with it or confirm its presence. If possible, she became an even deeper shade of red. He felt the urge to kiss her just to see how dark of a color she could turn. “That might be even a worse suggestion,” she spouted, rubbing her thumb over the jewels in the hilt.

“It is just a sword, wench.” It wasn’t though. He remembered his unreasonable objection to seeing Hyle wield it. She looked at him, her face contorted in an expression he couldn’t quite read. “I gave it to you to find the girl. It seems only fitting, doesn’t it?”

“I’d rather find another way.”

“And I’d rather not have paid for your friendship with my hand. Yet, here we are. Just think about it, Brienne. If all goes to plan you will not be needing it for some time anyway.” Her face was conspicuously blank. She was avoiding something. “It might be nice to be settled for a while. To be safe with both eyes firmly shut,” he fished. Brienne nodded absently until he was forced to push forward. “You know you’ll have to stay on Tarth?”

She sighed at his perception. “But what of Arya?”

“What _of_ Arya? If she’s dead, hopefully she’ll stay that way. And if she’s not…with any luck she’ll live long enough to stumble her way into you. She is a lost girl in a world full of them, Brienne. While _you_ are needed on the isle,” he said with sympathy.

“Even without Arya I…If I stay on Tarth I will be pressured to marry, Jaime." She squeezed her sword. "Forced might be a better word.” 

He swallowed at her vulnerability. “Brienne, if I could I…” he wasn’t sure how to finish.

She shook her pale mane as if shaking off the thoughts. “Nothing has changed since last we spoke. I still like the idea of the road." He showed his dismay. “But I even considered joining the Kingsguard in my desperation,” she offered her absurdity. "As my father would be forced to disinherit me." _She would stoop to my level._

“That’s the most selfish thing I’ve ever heard you say, wench,” Jaime observed.

“I would be protecting the king,” she protested weakly.

“But for your own reasons. You would practically be me, Brienne. I don’t know if I’m proud or disturbed.” 

“You already offered me a place, ser. It’s too late to take it back,” she taunted.

“I’ve actually been offering a lot of posts recently. I’m going to have to murder quite a few brothers on my return if I’m to keep my word. And Tyrion won’t even be one of them.” She did not laugh. “I made you another offer if you recall. To find you a suitable husband. Perhaps it will not be as terrible as you think.” _If it were me it would not be._ But he knew it couldn’t be. Anything they ever had would be illicit. Damaging.

“I don’t want any husband.” She was right to resist. Him and everyone else. 

“Are you saying that you, Brienne of Tarth, would prefer protecting a king you know to be illegitimate to doing your familial duty?” 

“Perhaps.” She smiled slightly as the impossibility of it, but Jaime chose not to see it.

“Now, I know I’m proud.” His heart started to beat faster in his chest at the kindling of hope. “If you are serious, I am in a position to make that happen.”

“No, you are not,” she scoffed.

Jaime looked at her incredulously. “I’m the bloody Commander of the Kingsguard, women.” 

“And I am the bloody woman who killed Renly, remember? And your sister has no love for me. You said so yourself. And what of Tarth? I can’t just abandon it.” Though In a way, she already had. 

In seconds, he had temporarily dismissed everything that had not suited his fantasy. “I relent that the Kingsguard may be out of reach. But Tarth? There will be another heir somewhere, Brienne. There always is. You might not be as trapped as you think. You were already a member of a Kingsguard for your dear Renly. Perhaps you could use that as an excuse to remain on Tarth and a maid.”

“A dead king,” she pointed out with a touch of gloom.

“Oaths to the dead are still oaths. I am something of an authority on the matter.” 

She bit her lip in guilt. “Still, I doubt my father would accept that. I…I never asked his permission to be in the Kingsguard. He knew it was something I wanted when I left, but somehow I doubt he considered it possible. I…I felt as if he thought I would go away, have some sense knocked into me, and come right home.” 

“Obviously that didn’t happen,” Jaime chuckled.

“I’ve spent the past few years running. I haven’t even written him, Jaime. For all I know, he thinks I am a traitor or dead.” _Probably both._ “Now, I have to go home. I don’t think I’ll know what I should do next until I’m standing in his hall.” She put an end to the discussion.

Jaime nodded. He knew what it was to need closure, but that did not make him happy about it. “I feel much the same about Kingslanding." And Cersei. "But, Brienne..."

"There is no use thinking on it."

But he could not stop thinking on it. The closer he got to civilization the tighter his chest became. They rode the horses into town without making a further plan. There was no sense in checking with the ships yet so they went straight to the inn. 

The innkeeper was her usual, charming self. “How much for a couple of nights at your establishment?” he inquired of the woman, leaving out several choice adjectives.

“Do you have coin this time?” she asked suspiciously. It irked him. 

“No, but we have trade,” Jaime smiled, resting his hand on the bar between them. The innkeeper raised her eyebrows curiously. “We’ll trade you back the horses we took for a room and some coin.” 

“Two rooms and some coin,” Brienne corrected, drawing the woman’s eyes momentarily.

“No coin, but you can take a room for a of couple nights.”

“We need two,” Brienne protested.

Jaime leaned into the bar in his best attempt at chivalry. “Think of the girl’s reputation.”

“I’d say there’s no hope for it anyway after running around with the Kingslayer for a moon's turn. But if _you_ wanted to throw in something extra,” the woman leered, running her hand up Jaime’s arm. “I’m a widow now.”

He pulled his hand away with a frown. “We’ll just take the room.”

“Too bad. I never thought I’d see the day where Jaime Lannister was with the likes of that.” The woman eyed Brienne distastefully. “Well, if you find yourself in want of someone more attractive…” 

Jaime ground his teeth. “I’ll be sleeping in the stables ma’am, and I thank you for the generous offer, but if I want a whore, I’ll find my own.”

“I never,” she said clearly unphased by the insult. “Have it your way, Kingslayer.” She busied herself with her livelihood.

Jaime quirked his mouth in acknowledgment before he grabbed Brienne’s hand and headed for the door. Usually he enjoyed the attentions of women. Even women that he wasn’t attracted too. But this one…

“Jaime, what are you doing?” Brienne asked in confusion, allowing him to lead her into the street.

“Escaping the odor of that woman,” he answered, looking straight ahead. She seemed to accept the explanation as one of his mad whims. “Did you hear her insult you?”

“I’m not deaf,” she commented.

“You should be angry, Brienne. The cheek of that woman to insult you and proposition me while robbing us both blind.” 

“She’s hardly the first to do any of those things, Jaime.” Her concern was clear, and it only served to fuel the fire that burned within him. “Perhaps you should take the room tonight.” 

Why did everything have to be so bloody difficult? “So you’d be in the stables? A stupid offer unless you’re fond of horseshit.” 

“Why are you so upset?” she asked. They were nearing the edge of the town now.

“I’m not.” He continued to pull her along to nowhere.

“Jaime!” Brienne stopped, forcing him to either halt his momentum or let go of her hand. He pulled free of her but stopped soon after. 

“Do you think that woman doesn’t have two rooms? Do you think she has any other guests in this town that aren’t corpses or near enough? Why should either of us sleep in the stables?” His frustration was witnessed by several far-off fishermen so he lowered his voice. “Or separate rooms for that matter.” That was the crux of it, but also far from the point he intended to make. Jaime did not care to see her reaction so he continued his escape as she followed loyally.

“Jaime…” Her voice was filled with remorse.

“We’ve shared a room before,” he reminded her.

“We have, but Pod was there and…and no one knew us.” Brienne seemed to suddenly understand his outburst. He rubbed the back of his head, scowling at the ground. The only person whose judgement he cared about was standing in front of him, but once again it was hers that mattered least. The minute the innkeeper had uttered his name, he had felt the cage closing in. “And now we are responsible for Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth,” she acknowledged, taking his hand again. Fighting his fist instinct to wrench away, he accepted her touch. 

“And do our bloody duty to protect our bloody honor,” he groused. 

“Do you know where you are taking me?” They were on the edge of the burned town with nary a soul in sight.

 _Away_. “No, but I think it was somewhere with soft beds and no prying eyes.” 

She smiled fondly. “You do hate the rules.” There was a freedom in solitude that he knew Brienne also recognized.

“I wasn’t made for them,” he claimed. And neither was she. In a much different way. “Or they weren’t made for me.” He took a deep breath of air. “But who am I fooling, Brienne? You would never let me into your room either way." His tone was much lighter.

“I would if I were able,” she protested. Perhaps because it had not been meant to, the remark pleased him. 

“Would you?” he asked quietly, subconsciously rubbing his thumb along the back of her bare hand. To his great thrill, she seemed momentarily too distracted to speak.

“To sleep,” Brienne elaborated, meeting his gaze as he continued to run his thumb over her rather intimately. 

“Of course,” he affirmed while he played with her hand, turning it slowly this way and that. She watched with a mix of curiosity and trepidation. Splaying her fingers, he mutely explored the different textures of her skin. She bit her lip while he traced light circles on her palm, inhaling sharply but not pulling back. Her muscles were tight so he massaged them, pressing and squeezing until they seemed more relaxed. He wondered amusedly if he could make her cum using just her hand. Or maybe just his. The thought became more relevant the longer Brienne abetted his touch. It was only when he guided her wrist to his mouth that she expressed reservations. 

“Jaime,” she warned breathlessly. 

He looked over her arm at her in question. “Something wrong?” He was rather amazed that her hand was still in his.

She did not appreciate his flippancy. “You know what you are doing.”

“And what is that?” he asked, nipping lightly at her flesh. Still, she did not pull away. He found himself smiling. The fact that she could not answer him only amused him further. “Are you not enjoying it?” 

“Yes,” she whispered despite herself. Jaime felt himself hardening at the thought. He brought the rough tips of her fingers to his lips one by one, wondering how long she would allow his experiment to continue. Having finished with her hand, he kissed her palm, her wrist. He made his way up her arm, straightening it to brush the crook of her elbow. Thankful for her wound and following armor removal, he brought his mouth to her neck still keeping her fingers in his. Instinctively, she tilted her head to grant him access. “Jaime…” she repeated enigmatically, running her fingers down his arm. 

“Tell me to stop or let me work, wench,” he muttered into her ear. “Even better, undo some of these straps,” he grumbled, pulling ineffectively at the lower ones. “And I promise to make it worth your while.” She continued to return his kisses, but offered no assistance. He fumbled with her armor, finally opting to circumvent it altogether in order to touch the mound between her legs. She bit her own lip to stifle her response as he massaged her. He had the feeling that Brienne's every moan of pleasure would be a hard won battle as she would fight to restrain any loss of control. It was a battle he was more than ready to fight, the only kind that he could still win. 

“Jaime.” His name was both encouragement and chastisement. “I…I can’t bed you,” she reminded him, gripping the tree behind her for support. 

“I know. Who said anything of bedding?” 

“Stop,” she decided suddenly. He could hear the tremor in her voice as she physically pushed him away. He stepped back. 

“I wouldn’t…” But now that the contact was broken, Jaime started to realize the situation that he was creating. And that Brienne would know little of it. “I’m sorry, wench.” Sorry and a little ashamed now that he thought of it. Cersei had never even entered his mind.

“What…?” she seemed unable to complete to question, but the accusation was clear.

“I wasn’t thinking, Brienne. But I would not have ruined you, I swear it.” She was the only person who might believe in any oath he swore. “ And I hope I didn’t frighten you. That was not my intention.” Though he was a little frightened of himself. 

“What was your intention?” she demanded. He got the impression that he would not be welcome in her room anymore.

He frowned.“ Brienne...you are not a conquest if that is what you were implying. This was not a plan. We just…I wanted to make you feel...You seemed to be enjoying yourself.” He finally landed on a coherent thought. There was still the distinct memory of his intention, making her moan his name in pleasure using just the hand he had left. He brought the offending appendage up to his nose in frustration of several kinds. Mostly at having to defend an action that had felt so very right. 

"What if someone saw?"

"Brienne, there's no one here. And we would have noticed if anyone had wandered by." Her sudden tension at his words made him smile despite himself. "At least _I_ would have."

Her glare was answer enough. “We should head back to the inn,” Brienne decided as on point as ever.

"As you will," he murmured. He followed her back from their stray path. 

 

Pretending not to hear his attempts at conversation, Brienne stayed at least ten paces from him on their walk back to the inn. Upon entry, she requested water for a bath and escaped up the stairs. Even though her stomach ached with hunger, she did not descend for an evening meal. She wasn’t sure she would ever be able to leave the room again. In the last two days she had killed countless men, and…and come close to bedding Jaime Lannister. Neither of those things felt right or real. After moving a table in front of her door, she fell into an unquiet sleep. 

She dreamed of Biter. They were fighting all out as the rain pummeled them. She stabbed him repeatedly to no effect. By all rights, he should have been dead at her feet. But instead he was hitting her, pushing her further and further into the mud until it filled her mouth. She could feel him tearing into the skin from her cheek.  
Then suddenly, her pain stopped as did the rain. And Biter was replaced by Jaime, still lying on top of her, nibbling away. But this time it felt good.

“Jaime,” she sighed in relief. “Let me up. We must catch him.”

“When I’m finished,” he allowed, kissing her. She closed her eyes in surrender for a brief moment before coming to her senses. 

“Finished with what? He’ll get away,” she insisted, pushing at him ineffectively. She pushed harder until she had nothing left. All her strength would not budge him. She felt an inkling of fear. “Jaime, get off!” 

“Shut up!” He growled. He wasn’t kissing her anymore.

“Stop it!” she shrieked, pushing at his chest. Nothing changed. “Jaime!” she tried to get his attention, but he was ignored her. “Jaime, stop!”

He looked at her then, but it felt strangely emptying. Like he didn’t see her at all. “Jaime?” His eyes were not his. They were cold, full of hatred. And joy. A furious joy derived of her. 

Brienne woke up. Her heart pounded in her ears. If she had eaten, she would have thrown up over the side of the bed. As it was, she dry heaved, making her stomach ache. _It was just a nightmare. Nothing more. Just a horrid nightmare._ The rationalization did not ease her inner turmoil. She felt the urge to go see him to reassure herself that Jaime was not the man from her dream. But it was too childish. 

She sat in her room for an hour, waiting to feel more secure. The feeling never came. Finally, she gave up any semblance of pride and left her room. The noise she made moving her blockade was enough to wake a bear though she heard no one else stir. 

Jaime was sleeping quite peacefully in a large pile of hay pushed against the wall. It looked more or less clean though in all likelihood it was not. The inn had had no reason to change it out since their last visit. The idea of him sleeping on muck while she hid upstairs made her feel a modicum of guilt. 

Brienne was relieved that he was sleeping so soundly. She had wanted to see him but was not ready to face his tongue quite yet. Leaning back against the hay, she allowed herself a moment to examine his face. He hardly looked himself with his eyes closed. Less of a lion, more of a cat. She turned her attention to his weathered hand, feeling the urge to explore it as he had hers. Unable to bring herself to disturb his rest, she sat down next to him for a while before finally succumbing to unconsciousness as well.

The sleep she fell into was deep. Upon being awakened, she envisioned being pulled back through a tunnel to his voice. Jaime shook her shoulder gently. “Brienne, it’s morning. Brienne,” he said softly.

She groaned in response, hiding her eyes from the light. “You do not want to be found here, my lady.” He had a point. A very god point, actually. 

“Thank you,” she mumbled quietly. 

“Are you going be to alright, wench?” he asked, amusement clear in his voice. She felt the urge to wipe the smirk from his face. 

“I’m fine,” she persisted. 

“You looked very comfortable. I must admit it was quite a surprise to wake up next to the Maid of Tarth this morning. Not many men can claim that. I have been debating whether it is an honor or an insult that you still feel so safe alone with me.” She growled at him as he offered her his hand up from the ground. “An honor then,” he concluded at her expression, letting go of her rather quickly. “May I ask if your visit has anything to do with yesterday?” 

“No, I…I dreamed of you.” At the thought she looked up into his eyes to find that the only thing behind them was Jaime. With relief, she realized that she did not fear him. Her stomach uncoiled. 

“Good dreams?” he inquired with a smile.

“No.” 

“Ah,” he glanced at the ground. “Did it have anything to do with…yesterday?” He made a face at the word as if it pained it. Hearing him hesitate to address his advances made her feel much more at ease. 

“No,” she lied, though not completely. Her nightmares were due after the situation with Lady Stoneheart. They had been waiting patiently for her to acknowledge them as she worried about the others. She had not had the time to process her own actions, the lives she had taken, until that night. It would be unfair to blame Jaime.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“You’ve done it, Jaime. I feel much better. The only thing I’m in need of at the moment is breakfast.”

He smiled at her in surprise. “I noticed you did not come down to eat last night. I thought for sure you would spend our last few days speaking to my shoes, if that,” he added.

“If you continue speaking of it, I just might,” she threatened through clenched teeth, heading toward the door.

“Consider the subjected dropped.” She very much doubted that. If there was one thing Jaime loved to do, it was challenge her comfort. “Do you know what I really longed to do with you last night, wench, while you are sulking?”

“I was hardly sulking.”

“Sword practice,” he continued as though she had not spoken. 

“We have the time,” she agreed pleasantly. It was exactly what she needed to work out her demons. 

“Then let’s feed you, wench, and get on with our day. And if anyone asks we went for a ride this morning.”

“No one will believe that,” she criticized.

“Then we must be so intimidating that they do not ask. Bring out that scowl you usually reserve for me, and no one will come near us.” He gave her a quick smile before they entered the inn. 

Thanks to a mix of hunger, exhaustion, and Jaime, her scowl came quite naturally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is what I landed on after many different iterations of failure at a more intense Jaime and Brienne moment. Upon further reflection I think I see that I might have done. But it's published so that's an end to it. 
> 
> As always I love comments and kudos, and you guys! Not necessary in that order. Thank you!


	19. Last Words: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go.

True to her word, Sansa braved Pod’s presence again the next day. He turned to hide his face the moment she entered. _He's going to turn me away again_. Sansa breathed in deeply, ignoring the burning of her brand, and let loose her speech before he could speak. “You’re angry. You have every right. I’m sure seeing me just brings it all back to you, and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry for what happened, and I’m sorry for apologizing . You didn’t deserve that. Any of it. And it’s all my fault…” The guilt settled on her chest with the admission. “I…I know I can’t make it up to you, but I want to try.” She was almost relieved that he refused to face her. “I understand that you don’t want to see me, but I have no one else here. Or anywhere really. And I want to look after you.” She tried to read his expression through his hair. “I brought a book in hopes that I might read it to you.”

Pod continued to stare anywhere but at her. She was not relieved anymore.

“Please say something. Even if you just tell me to leave.”

“Not…not now,” he muttered. “I don’t want to yell again.” His eyes met hers only for a moment, but what she saw there inspired her.

“Then I’ll return later.” 

And she did. If she was rejected again, she had decided not to come back. So this time she didn’t give him the option of dismissing her so easily. “How are you feeling?”

“N…not well.” He twirled a blanket with his hand. “How is your forehead?” He asked as if he couldn’t help himself. Or perhaps he was reveling in her injury. It served her right.

“It will heal.”

“But it will scar.” Again, she could not help but note a certain satisfaction in that statement. 

“I deserve it. I know. It was my decision to go.” 

He did not disagree. “Did you bring the book?”

She showed it to him. “Would you like me to read from it?”

“If you want,” he shrugged.

She read from the book for quite some time. It was not very enthralling. The stories were only variations of tales that she had heard before, and most of them were about the greatness of the seven. She was half way through one when Pod asked her to stop.

“I can’t take it anymore,” he complained. “These tales…they’re...” He searched for the word. 

“Shit?” she asked, glancing around to be sure they were not overheard. He nodded his agreement with a twist of his lips that she was tempted to label a smile. “I know.”

“The hero starts loosing so the maiden gives him a sword because he’s a true knight. It’s the idea that the gods look out for those who deserve it. It feels like...a self-congratulatory way of explaining other people’s suffering.” He was right. It was a common theme. The Seven either prevented you from suffering because you were special or watched you suffer to prove your worth for something later. Prolonged suffering was only reserved for the unworthy in the tales. Not in life though. “Or is it meant to be inspirational?”

“I think so. Inspiration for the downtrodden.” 

“It’s not very good at that either,” he noted dryly.

She smiled slightly at the remark. “Granted. Let’s see if the next one is better.” He looked doubtful. 

Sansa started reading the next story faithfully but quickly delved into her own version. Originally, it had been a tale of a mouthy maiden getting her comeuppance from a humble knight forced to marry her. Sansa’s story began in the knight’s death as the maiden fled charges. Though it had started in jest, it felt eerily similar to her own life. So invested was she, that when she heard Pod laugh, she was startled by the sound. 

“Why did you stop?” he asked almost good-naturedly.

“I…I’ve never heard you laugh before,” she covered. He flushed. _A good sign_ . People don’t blush unless they care about the opinion of the person in front of them. She realized she had made him uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, I’ll continue.” 

She finished the rest of the story rather quickly, and Pod told her to leave. She complied with his request but not happily. There was nothing else to do on the isle, especially for a woman grown. 

The next day she returned book in hand, determined to leave of her own accord.

“Your wound looks better today,” he commented as she brought a chair close to his bed. 

“That is good to hear. There is no looking glass on this island so it is hard for me to judge. Thank you.” He shied away from her praise.

“I…I should thank you for coming every day.” The words didn’t quite come to his lips though.

“It is my duty. You are my responsibility.”

Pod frowned at that. “Why would you say that?”

“I asked you to come and protect me and you were injured as a result. You acted as one of my men, therefore, I am responsible for you as your leigelady.”

“I never…I never swore myself to you. I’m not saying you aren’t responsible,” he indicated his foot gently. “You are responsible, but I’m not your responsibility.” He paused. “I guess hearing it aloud, it doesn’t make much sense,” he relented.

Sansa saw the distinction. “I understand what you are saying. You blame me, but you are not bound to me.” She had no claim on the one person she trusted. “You are still…Lord Tyrion’s squire.” He frowned at that. "Or are you?"

“I...I cannot go searching for him like this.”

“Would you still have wanted to?” she asked. She knew that he had been kind to the boy, but Pod’s sense of loyalty to someone who had abandoned him felt rather tragic. _Though I can not judge_.

He struggled with something. “I don't know. I...” he couldn’t finish the thought. “The Elder brother offered to take me in.”

She sat frozen for a moment. “Stay on the isle?”

Pod nodded. “He said I could have a place here.”

“A place to go mad,” she spoke before she thought, remembering the Eyrie. Littlefinger would have been disappointed. 

“There are good people here,” he answered defensively. 

“Yes, there are. Good people and not much else. This is a place for people who have nothing. You…” She might have been talking him into it. “It is for pious men who wholeheartedly believe the stories they’re told. Can you honestly say that about yourself?” He didn’t answer. “And would you really leave Lady Brienne? She depends on you.”

He rounded on her at that. “Don’t talk about Lady Brienne as if you care.”

“It may not seem so to you, but I do care about her.” 

“You left her, you betrayed her, and you made me betray her,” he accused.

“I made you?” She had felt guilty for days and he had not wanted to hear her out. She did not feel guilty anymore. "I did not hold a knife to your throat or anyone else's. I asked."

“You forced my hand. I couldn’t let you go alone.”

“You could have woken them.” Her point was damning, and he knew it.

“Ser Jaime would have tied you up, and we promised not to hold you captive.”

“I am not your leigelady," she spat back at him. "I made my choice, and you made yours. I am sorry for your loss, Pod, but you are just as culpable as I am.”

“Get out,” he growled.

She crossed her arms. “I won’t.” They glared at each other for a moment, tears shining in Pod’s eyes. Gradually, they both calmed down, listening to the sounds of the isle. It was not as if she did not feel guilt for his situation, but she refused to accept all blame for it. As they listened birds chirp outside, shame crept it’s way into both of then.

“I never said I was going to stay, you know,” Pod finally broached the topic again. “I was just considering it.”

She made him wait for her response. “So…you mean to stay with us then?”

“I don’t know," he claimed. "I…I can’t protect her anymore.”

“There are other ways to protect people, Pod. And other things to protect them from. What happened to you was horrible, but we have both know you can still have a life.”

“But as what?” he asked glumly.

“As…” she searched for a respectable position for someone of his standing. Knight was the obvious choice, though she could not picture him as one even with two feet.

“As an executioner?” Clearly he had been ruminating on his likely options. 

“No. You…You can be so much more than that. We will find something, and you will excel at it. I promise.” She did not want Pod to fight for some lord who could order him to beat girls and kill men. Pod was kind and gentle, and she wanted him to stay that way. In fact, she was fiercely glad that knighthood was no longer an option. Fiercely glad that he was not a threat. Fiercely glad that he was lame. “I’m sorry, Pod.” He glanced at her confused. She could not tell him what she was sorry for when he’d just started talking to her again. “For everything."

He bit his lip. "I don't think I could really stay here."

She felt her encouragement would only make him doubt. "Would you like me to read?” she asked while she was still in his good graces. Or near enough. He nodded.

The Elder brother came in to tell them that they could leave the next day. Because of Sansa, he did not stay to discuss anything. The idea weighed heavily on both of them. It kept creeping into Sansa’s stories. “I’m not looking forward to riding through the woods, again,” Sansa divulged. 

“You needn’t be scared,” Pod assured her half-heartedly. “Lady Brienne and Lord Commander Jaime will protect us. And I’m sure Lady Stoneheart has given up searching by now.” Sansa’s breathe caught in her throat. She pictured the knife going through the rotten flesh in front of her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”

“No,” Sansa shook her head. “No…I…she won’t be a problem anymore.” She had been avoiding the topic for days.

“What do you mean?”

“She’s dead,” Sansa breathed.

Pod looked doubtful that the dead could die. “How do you know?”

It was the question she had feared. The question that brought it all back to her. “I killed her.” His face was one of shock. “I saw her across the field and…I couldn’t let her…not…” She could feel the knife between her fingers and the gush and crunch as Lady Stoneheart’s…as her mother’s chest gave way under her assault. She had kept herself together for days in front of Pod, but the piteous look on his face was more than she could take.

“It was not your mother,” he reasoned softly.

“It was part of her.” Her voice cracked. He took one of her hands in his while she cried. Perhaps it had not been her mother, but it had been as close as she would ever come to seeing her again. That had been her problem to begin with. Just as quickly as the tears had come, they disappeared in a hail of bitterness. She pulled her hand from his. “I should have known. I have already learned this lesson. I should…” Sansa shook her head wiping the tears from her eyes. “There is nothing more foolish than hope. I’m sorry, Pod. You should not have to tend to the wolf that bit you.”

“It’s no trouble,” he muttered conspicuously. He studied his sheets in the absence of conversation as Sansa gathered her self together. “I know it must have been hard…but I’m glad that you killed her. That it was you. And that she’s dead.” His hand traced his all too discernible collarbone. 

Sansa took a deep steadying breath. “So am I.”

 

Jaime smiled as Brienne dropped her play sword from his throat. Sweat dripped into his eyes as he collapsed to the ground for a moment’s rest. “Not using steel was a good idea, Brienne. I think you might have killed me.”

“I meant to,” she sighed, catching her breath. “In the context of our battle,” she added, drinking from the water skin. Their sword fight had been rather brutal. Fast and furious. Jaime must have been practicing without her because his dexterity was much improved. Her blood was up from the struggle.

“Aye,” Jaime agreed, side eyeing her. “And for nothing else?”

“No,” she shook her head stubbornly.

“Fine. You don’t want to kill me. You don’t want to talk about it. What should I make of that?”

“Whatever you will, Jaime.”

He smiled dangerously. “I almost hate to admit it, wench, for fear of recompense. But I would not be opposed to doing it again should you be interested. We were interrupted after all.”

“By me,” Brienne pointed out. She could put herself in the position again because she was not sure she would have the strength to turn him away. “Just leave it, Jaime, and I might spare you my blade, yet.”

He smiled gazing at the sword in question. “But will you spare your blade from me?” She had hoped that he had forgotten the idea. _He distracted me before delivering the blow_.

“Yes.” She ran a hand over the sheath. “It is a beautiful sword, and you would ruin the balance.” His eyebrows lifted in perfectly arched skepticism.

“I have first hand experience of your prowess with sticks, Brienne. Trust me, you scarcely even need it.”

He really did intend to use it then. Oathkeeper was the most precious thing she owed. The most precious thing she had ever owed in truth. One of the few objects she considered sacred. “Jaime…” It was all she could say. 

“I know what it means to you, Brienne.” He placed his hand over hers. “But it is the only way. Besides…” he swallowed. “I am at your side.” He really did know what it meant to her.

“Not forever.”

“You will still have the sword, wench, except that your lion will be disfigured, which in truth is even more fitting.” He gestured to himself as the evidence. She might have smiled had he not been advocating Oathkeeper’s desecration. 

“You mean to do this then?” she asked.

He nodded, holding out his hand.

“Now?”

“I think it’s for the best. I would rather not torture you.” _Then you would leave my sword be_. Slowly, Brienne unsheathed it, touched the red eyes of her lion, and handed it over. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like to kiss it, wench?” 

In that moment, she was much more likely to kiss the sword than him. “Just do it.”

He took it from her. After examining the hilt he stood and moved it over to a rock sticking out of the ground. “Brace yourself, wench,” he warned as he brought the hilt down on the rough surface. 

She cringed at the metallic sound. 

By the time both jewels came loose of the gold inlay, the lion was damaged and one of the rubies had flown off into the surrounding brush. “Help me look for it,” Jaime ordered, handing her the once perfect sword. _It _is_ more fitting now_ , she had to admit with an audible sigh.

Brienne moved to help him in his search but it proved useless. “The damn thing could be in Kingslanding as far as we know,” he muttered grumpily as the sun descended in the sky. 

“At least we have one.” Her optimism was not well-received. 

“Yes, we have one. You can take it to Tarth, and I suppose I could always swim to Kingslanding. That would be something for the White book. Jaime Lannister, first of his name, Commander of the Kingsguard after shirking his duties for a woman, drowned on his return to the Red Keep for fear of the road and want of some gold. It even rhymes.”

It didn't. “Swimming _would_ improve your strength,” Brienne commented helpfully. She did not like where this conversation was headed. 

“There are other rubies in the sword,” he noted. “Ones that do not require us rooting through the bushes on all fours.”

“But we will find this one. I have seen the brutish way you handle it. You are not getting my sword again, ser.”

“I’m the one that gave it to you,” he reminded. “I am not without sentiment, Brienne. I just know when to push it aside.”

“Do you?” she asked incredulously, sitting on the ground. Her knees and wrists enjoyed the reprieve. “ _You_ know when to push sentiment aside?” 

He followed her example, sighing as his arse hit greenery. “What are you getting at, Brienne?”

“You, Jaime Lannister, who has pursued me this entire journey even though nothing can come of it, can push sentiment aside?” she stated flatly. 

“That is absurd. I have not…” 

“What do you call what you did yesterday?” 

He started to speak only to catch his tongue between his teeth and fall silent. He knew himself to be beat. “That…that had nothing to do with sentiment,” he stated with little conviction.

“Conquest then? Perhaps you do that to a lot of women?” Brienne asked.

He exhaled in a quiet laugh. “Only the ones with sensitive hands.” She waited out his bravo proudly. “Fine, I will relent that I cannot always push sentiment aside, if you will relent that in this instance I am right. We have been out here for hours and will never find the damn thing.” She was about to comply, taking one last desperate look around.

As Brienne glanced at the ground, a smile spread over her face. “I’m afraid I cannot do that, ser.” She picked the ruby up and held it out for him to admire. 

He took her hand, kissing it quite chivalrously before letting it drop. “Sometimes, I really hate you, wench.” 

Her grin could not be restrained. 

 

As Jaime and Brienne returned to the inn from another day of fighting there was a message waiting for them. The children were ready to be released.

Jaime and Brienne watched the boat sailing across the water. Jaime stepped closer to her. “I have enjoyed these past few days.”

“As have I,” she agreed.

“Something to think about in times to come,” he hinted. She nodded ever so slightly.

When the children stepped out of the boat, Pod with some assistance, there was a moment where no one was quite sure what to do. Brienne broke the spell by approaching the boy first. 

He wouldn’t look directly at her as she came closer until his eyes were on his shoe. “Ser, I…I’m so…I hope you can forgive me. I…” As she watched the boy struggle to express his sorrow, Brienne found forgiveness with ease. She pulled him into her arms in a tight hug that he returned with gusto. 

“I forgive you, Pod,” she whispered as he cried quietly in her arms. It was the longest and most emotional embrace Brienne could remember. Perhaps ever. “Just… _please_ , don’t do it again.” He shook his head against her. 

Sansa and Jaime stood awkwardly off to the side. They eyed Pod and Brienne as if they hoped to rip them apart at any moment, both acutely aware of their distaste for the other.

“Would you like to follow their example, my lady?” Jaime thought he heard her growl. “I didn’t think so,” he exhaled. Brienne was checking over Pod.

“I…” Sansa started only to choke. “I _am_ sorry that I ran,” She managed through clenched teeth, still watching the others.

“And I am sorry that you took Pod with you.” She turned to him then, her face hard with outrage and pain. “But we all do what we think we have to,” he softened his meaning. 

Her eyes dropped. “I suppose,” Sansa was forced to agree.

Even after their hug, Pod and Brienne did not part. Instead, Brienne pulled his arm over her shoulders to help him limp to the others.

Jaime held his breath as the boy got closer. He found himself unable to speak all the gross apologies he had written in his mind. “Pod…”

The boy wordlessly stuck his hand out to Jaime. His left hand. Taking the extension of acceptance, Jaime smiled ruefully. “You do know how to humble a man,” he spoke, patting Pod on the back with his shortened arm. A skill he had picked up from Brienne. Pod grinned a little more wearily than he once might have. 

Through it all, Sansa only had eyes for Brienne. “I wanted to say that I am sorry, my lady. I placed you all in danger. And thank you. I owe you my life. All of you.” Brienne placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder, putting the matter to bed.

“Even me?” Jaime could not help himself.

She kept her frustration hidden. “Yes, my lord. Thank you.” Pod nodded along with the statement but could not bring himself to voice it. Forgiving Jaime was one thing, thanking him was quite another. 

“If we are done congratulating one another, I suggest we head to the port before anything else befalls us. We have ships to bribe.”

Pod made it part of the way into town before Brienne noticed his increasingly sweaty brow and heavy grunts. Without asking, she swooped the boy into her arms.

“You do not have to carry me,” he protested rather weakly.

She enjoyed his scant weight against her. “But I will, Pod. Happily. Unless you do not wish it.” 

He said nothing more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	20. Epilouge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this is it.

They watched each other unsure of what to say. Brienne had placed Pod and Sansa on the ship already so that she and Jaime might have a moment alone. Their last moment alone.  
She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words. She clenched her jaw.

Jaime grabbed her hand and led her away from the docks.

“The children,” she mentioned in distress, feeling like she was abandoning them.

“Let us pray that they are capable of sitting on a ship by themselves,” Jaime replied, leading her on. She followed with a gnawing doubt in her middle. 

They followed the edge of the river up an incline until there was no one else in sight. They were on top of a cliff overlooking the water. She felt a thrill at the idea. Jaime sat on the rocky ledge and motioned for her to join him. Water ran over the rocks below.

“Do you think we should jump, wench?” he asked.

“We would die.”

“Well, I don’t want to go to Kingslanding.” But he had to. He had his own matters to settle with his sister just as she had matters with her father.

“I hardly think that our death is the answer.”

“When life is so full of possibilities?” 

“Yes.”

He gave her an odd smile before sobering. “We may see each other again.”

“We may,” she agreed. 

They looked out over the expanse of the water and the forest beyond. It seemed to go on forever.

“Brienne,” he said and she heard the change in his voice. She turned to look at him. She had never thought to find this. A bond that went deeper than words could ever hope to explain. 

She nodded. As he kissed her, she thought of the times their lips had met before. In compassion. For joy. For luck. To forget people and duty. But this was for themselves, for each other. _Jaime_. She smiled.

“Brienne…I…I think…” she looked into his eyes and read the words before he could voice them.

“Please, don’t,” she refuted gently.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “It wouldn’t be a courtesy.”

“Please don’t make me put an end to anything, Jaime. I couldn’t…” she found herself at a loss as she so often did when he was concerned.

“Couldn’t put an end to it or couldn’t go on like it never happened?” he challenged lightly.

“Both.”

“Maybe there doesn’t have to be an end.” He ran his thumb over the scar on her cheek.

She had thought of every angle during her darkest moments. “But there does. For now, at least. Neither of is in a position to keep promises,” she added at his expression.

“Not a promise. Just a feeling. I hate to tell you, wench, but it’s there whether we voice it or not. I don’t want another regret.” 

“Not everything has to be said.”

He softened a bit, brushing her hair with his hand. “But if I don’t tell you all my secrets how will you judge me fairly?” Mischief danced in his eyes.

Brienne could not restrain a small smile. “I judge you...loquacious.”

He smiled in return. “Only with you. You win, Brienne, I won’t say it,” he agreed. “But I want you to know it.” He gave her a long, searching look.

Brienne suddenly felt strangely shy. “I know it. A…and feel the same.” 

Jaime acknowledged her words with another tender kiss. Brienne watched nervously as his hand neared her hip, and was both relieved and disappointed as his fingers grasped the hilt of Oathkeeper. “I gave you this to help you find Sansa Stark. A quest you completed not once but twice. I suppose I should take it back now. It is Lannister property after all.”

“You cannot take back a sword once given, ser.”

“A far point. I suppose I could fight you for it,” he said flirtatiously. “But I must warn you that my sparing partner has been extremely neglectful until very recently.”

“I will have to do what I can to remedy that.” Brienne pulled Oathkeeper from its sheath. Jaime slashed at her before she was truly ready just as she’d known he would. She knew they didn’t have long before she was needed back on the ship, but as they fought it ceased to matter. When they sparred the rest of the world blurred into nothing until it was just their swords clashing, parting, and coming together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In hindsight, Chapter three is my favorite. But even though everything isn't quite as perfect as I'd like, I'm still happy to have finished it. It's been weighing on my conscience for two years so...
> 
> I realize I left this open ended. It just felt...right. Sorry to disappoint anyone but hey maybe they both go finish up their business and run away together in a month. You never know. 
> 
> Thank you for your support!


End file.
